Is using my ex-boyfriends as a reason of why I have hard time trusting my bf a bad thing???

Question

I need help. I have been always using my ex-bf's as a reason why I have a problem trusting him. and doing this makes my bf really upset with me.
He doesn't like the fact of me comparing him to my ex's. what do I do??? Is what I am doing just an excuse? or am I really just a *****

like for ex- One of my ex's I dated, I dated for 2 years, just one day took off to Brazil without even letting me know. I was his gf and I lost my virginity to him. and I gave him everything I could. He said he wanted to be with me 4 eva. He also said that his divorced was finalized in Brazil and I found out later on that it wasn't. I was crushed. This has had an big impact on me, emotionally. espically when I finally got a hold of him in Brazil he yelled me and asked me "who gave me his #?" This incident has made meTo the point of fearing the worse. and I blame me for pushing past x-bfs away cuz of me always worried, insecure, and just cuz of me being a pain in the ***. I don't want to feel that way again!!! I want to experience real love without this event reuning my life.

Answer 1

I guess it would be like your boyfriend having an issue with trust with your relationship beacuse of his bad experiences with girls.

You need to view each new relationship for what it is - a "new" relationship, with a "new" man.

Answer 2

I can see where it can be hard for you. I have had many hard relationships. I become highly defensive when my husband does anything that resembles past actions that my ex did that hurt me.

I believe it is wrong to compare the two because they are two different people, but at the same time, I am afraid the past will repeat itself.

Unless there is any hard evidence that he has done something that hurts you, you can't really go blaming him for it or even suggesting it. That just makes you look bad. It makes you insecure.

And if he really is no good, and you know it, just leave him. You'll find someone else. Don't let him keep hurting you. That's the mistake I've made. I let things keep happening, he kept doing things that hurt me, which makes it look like it was alright with me. Now, it's harder to leave him, and I don't plan on leaving him, because we now have a baby together. He would have to be physically abusive for me to leave him now.

Answer 3

Its not fair to compare apples to oranges, they are both fruit, but they both taste differnt. HOWEVER...in the begining stages of a relationship (the very begining, not forever) there is a period of time for people who have had hard situations to natrually question anything good especially if good was generally predecessant to bad in the past. The thing to keep in mind is that this new guy is not someone who has hurt you, he has done nothing to harm your trust. Keep the communication lines open about differnt things that may trigger a lack of trust (does he not return your phone calls for a few days at a time, does it take him a week to respond to an email, does he have a plethroa of over attentive females?). Let him know about what the ex's had done, and possibly seek counseling to resolve those past experiences within yourself. It may just be that you are not ready to embark on a new relationship quite yet...

Answer 4

No, you have just had a really bad past it sounds like. Your ex's are the reason you are like you are, especially if you have been cheated on. Those kind of things have a major impact on the way you act now. I know because I am going through it also.

Answer 5

your just worried that karma could strike back at you. your worried that your current boyfriend would be the one using you and youd be the total victim. its a 'do to others what you want done to you' kind of thing. if you think you r current boyfriend's using you, then maybe God's teaching you a lesson about being a user is BAD . . so that you wont use your boyfriends on your next relatioship.

Answer 6

I don't think its a bad thing at all. Your boyfriend has to understand you. You just don't want to go through the same thing again and you boyfriend has to understand that. He has to give you time to be able to trust somebody else again, if he cant do that, my advise is to wait a little bit longer for you to be on a relationship.

Answer 7

whether we realize it or not, sometimes we see something from the cost and reward, and that's why sometimes we compare someone with other person. i cant tell whether its right or wrong, cos i'm sure everyone ever compare something with something else. but before u compare ur bf with ur ex, u should think about this: what if ur bf keeps on comparing u with his ex. how would u feel?

Answer 8

yep...hi..sounds like me..the reason you do it is because you're4 frightened..each relationship has ended because guys aren't very trustworthy..even though each new one says, "I'm different" "Well, your ex isn't me"...sigh..its hard being young and single! guys are douches! you just have to keep searching..you also need to find someone whos your equal..physically, mentally and emotionally..otherwise you'll keep on getting hurt..its like you find..hmm..ok..brad pitt..for example..ok..jenn was hot..but some would say theyre not really a match..she cant tame someone like him..he needs someone whos his equal..and we can all be damnned sure it isnt angelina..but say you and i dated brad..do u think hed be satisfied with us? hell to the no..you need someone whos equal..my mom always told me, "Find the man who will love you just a little bit more than you love him and you'll find the love of your life."

Answer 9

Would you like to be compared to his ex all the time? Much less him not trusting you due to something his ex did?

Answer 10

Honey, if he's just like your ex's, what are you doing with him? If it didn't work out with them, it won't with him either. And if he's not like them at all, why don't you trust him? You can't compare apples and oranges; not all men are created equally! Comparison is totally unfair to him.