Should I let my husband adopt my kids? How do I do this?? Does my ex have to give up his rights or still pay?

Question

I've been married to my new husband for a year now. He loves my boys and they love him. They call him Daddy.
Their real father left when they were both babies. They're almost 10 now. He only sees them about once a year maybe and he's only two hours away. He calls them about this much too. He pays child support, but it's not much... less than 300 a month and just recently started providing health insurance. He owes back support too. I've asked him to pay for half of the medical (dr. visits and prescriptions) and he hasn't given me a penny. I've gone to the child support office and they don't help much. I've pretty much given up on him since he doesn't show much interest.
My husband tells me just to pay for the medicine, etc. and not to worry about my ex. We pay for everything. We have been married now for a year and my husband wants to adopt my boys. He is there for them in so many ways. How can my husband adopt my boys? Will my ex still have to pay ch. supp. if he does?

Does my ex have to agree to let my husband adopt my boys? What if he doesn't want to agree to it? Is there anything else we can do? My boys really want my husband to adopt them. They see how uninvolved their real father is and they are not babies anymore.

My husband has been in my boy's lives for three years now and we've been married for one year. He has helped me with them the whole time we have been together and has been wonderful with them.

Answer 1

I'm currently in the process of trying to adopt my wife's daughter. My wife was pregnant when I met her, so we all feel as though I'm her father, but there are legal reasons for doing this.

We live in Massachusetts, and my daughter's biological father had to give up his parental rights. My wife has never collected any money from him, but the paperwork did state that she would be giving up her right to do so at any point in the future. Once the process is complete, my daughter will legally be no different to me than my biological son. I'll be responsible for her in every aspect, and if my wife and I were to divorce, I would be fiscally responsible for both children.

It's a big step to take, and the "whether or not" is something that should not be taken lightly. While people here may be able to advise you on potential pros and cons, you should by no means base your ultimate decision on any responses you read here. You and your husband should talk this out amongst yourselves. Become familiar with your local laws and statutes to aide in your decision making.

I should also mention that this entire process was started in our county's probate court. Things may be different where you are, but it's a good place to start.

In response to your additional information: in Massachusetts, my daughter's biological father did have to consent. There was nothing that could be done if he refused, but in your case he obviously has financial motivation to be cooperative. We had some hang-ups with our process and the biological father (mostly influenced by his wife), but those were sorted out on their own. We had plans of using threats of child support as a means to further the process, but it never came to that.

Answer 2

If your ex willingly relinquishes his parental rights, it makes the process a TON easier. If not, you have to go in front of a judge and have his rights forcibly relinquished. Family court will only do this when there is someone else, (usually a step-parent), willing to step in and take on the role of parent.

This is a VERY goofy process to go through with a lot of pitfalls. Sometimes one little misstep can send you right back to square one. I would strongly suggest doing it through a good family law attorney with experience in step-parent adoptions.

After the adoption, the biological father will no longer be responsible for any child support and is sometimes absolved of back support, too. Essentially, your new husband becomes "daddy" all around, including paying child support or having joint custody if you two ever divorce.

The process can take quite a while to accomplish. Figure at least 12-24 months from start to finish.

Good luck!!

Answer 3

I know how you feel I have an ex who basically is the same way....Look all you have to do is go to your family court house there are people there that will help you file a motion to adopt. If your ex doesnt respond to it and/or if he doesnt show up then the ruling is automatic...your husband adopts them. If your ex wants to fight all you have to do is document all the things he's done...like not calling, spending time with them, not paying child support etc. If your kids are around 12 the judge might ask them what their decision is and that could help in his/her ruling. It can be free as well you could file with the court for your ex to pay all the court fees ( I did that and it helped me out a lot I couldnt afford it) anyhow I hope this helps Good luck....My kids have a step dad that loves them as well I am glad to hear that he loves your kids too...

Answer 4

I am an adoptive parent and a step-parent. Here is all I know about step-parent adoption.
State laws on stepparent adoptions vary. Most States have a streamlined process for adoptions by stepparents whereby the judge hearing the adoption petition has the ability to dispense with the requirement in State laws for an adoption home study. Some States, however, will not approve a stepparent adoption unless the custodial parent has been married to the stepparent for 1 year or longer.

When a stepparent wishes to adopt a stepchild, the child's parents (the stepparent's spouse and the noncustodial or absent parent) are usually both required to consent to that adoption. In consenting to an adoption, the noncustodial parent relinquishes all parental rights and responsibilities, including child support. If the noncustodial parent objects to the proposed adoption and refuses to consent to it, State laws may prevent the adoption from proceeding.

Some State adoption laws specify special circumstances under which the noncustodial parent's consent is not required. Other States have made special provisions in their adoption laws to allow stepparent adoptions to occur, even over the objections of the noncustodial parent, in cases where the noncustodial parent has failed to maintain communication with the child for a specified period of time.


Here's a link to more info about stepparent adoption
http://naic.acf.hhs.gov/pubs/f_step.cfm

Here is a link to search statutes by state for issues related to child adoption. Results will provide summaries of State statutes (and full text of laws, in some cases).
http://naic.acf.hhs.gov/general/legal/statutes/search/index.cfm

Answer 5

I'm no expert, but your ex shouldn't pay anything once you're married again. I guess the courts would make that decision.
At any rate, you most certainly should have your husband adopt the children. They need to know they are raised by a father. And, he didn't just marry you, he married an already-made family.

Answer 6

If your husband gives up complete rights of the kids, then he will not have to pay child support anymore. Your husband can only adopt them if your ex gives up rights

Answer 7

The only way your husband can legally adopt your sons is if their biological father gives up all his parental rights and signs all the paperwork saying this. At that point, he is no longer responsible financially, etc for them. You and your husband would be responsible for them in all areas. I know that you said your ex if not involved much and your sons want your husband to adopt them - but consider how it might make them feel to know that their biological father signed away his rights to them. Even though he isn't very involved, he is at least saying he still wants to be there dad. If he signs these papers, that might really hurt them to know he doesn't even want to be their dad at all. Just something to consider.

Answer 8

Your ex-husband has to give up his rights. If he gives up his rights your husband can adopt. If your ex gives up his rights, and your husband adopts, then he no longer has to pay child support. Also, I'm not sure how, but I know that the government can garnish wages if you can prove that he hasn't given you hardly anything.

Answer 9

i'd communicate it with your little ones and allow them allow you to understand strategies they sense. Adoption is a felony paper. you're little ones hearts and thoughts are correct priority. i does no longer stress them to bypass in the adventure that they are really disenchanted about it. gradually wean the youngsters from their mom in case you sense the desire and gauge destiny visits on their reactions. continuously let it really is an open door for the youngsters no matter if or not they prefer to ascertain her or no longer. they might bypass weeks, months with out wanting to yet then in the destiny it turns to weekly. telephone priveleges are merely as significant in the adventure that they choose their organic and organic mom as area of their existence. no remember what do never salary a controversy over their organic and organic mom lower than any condition.

Answer 10

your husband can adopt your kids, but you probably have to do it through child services, and their father has to give up all rights to them. if your husband adopts them, he is taking legal and financial responsibility for them, and their father no longer has to pay child support.