Can I hate a sister?

Question

My sister is an idiot. She is with an abusive redneck. He doesn't work and he treats her like crap. I told her I couldn't be involved in her life if she was with him. She plans to marry him someday and I told her I wouldn't go if she did. She now lives with him and like I said he treats her so badly. You know on those talk shows when the woman is being abused but won't leave him because she loves him. I hate her for making me feel like this. Is it wrong to hate a sister for being stupid and ruining her life? Oh and I have been talking to her for 2 years so that doesn't work. She won't listen and when confronted she swears and fights. Should I just not talk to her and wait for the "someday"?

I should have mentioned that she was 19. Which is one of the reasons I can't talk to her.

Answer 1

Well I do not like my brother but I feel you can not truly hate a person. He blackmailed my ex-husband when he found out he was cheating on me rather than helping out his little sister. Today he even says that I should have stayed with my abusive adulterous ex. I have not spoken to him in 2 years. but I do not hate him.

Answer 2

Don't hate your sister, just the choices she is making. One of
my sisters left her baby and husband for a real jerk, she ended
up on drugs and really degraded herself. I hated the choices she
made, but not her. I sort of had to step out of her life, because
I didn't want her to think I supported her choices, but kept the lines of communication open,. Tho that sometimes meant that she would call me when she was high and psychotic, asking me
to come get her " because they were after her." I just tried to
be patient and tell her that I couldn't drive to every 7/11 in her
town to try to find her. The bad thing is that it took her over
20years to figure out what a mess she had made of her life
and go to NA and clean up her life. But she did and now we
are close as before,. But she really beat the odds, a lot don't.
Your sister obviously has really low self-esteem, she
believes that this guy is the only one that will ever love her.
You know that isn't true, but convincing her of that is hard. The
best thing you can do is to do your best to be positive when
you do talk to her, try to remind her of the things that are great
about her and that you do love her and that when or if she
needs your help, that you will be there to help her. DON'T
get into the boyfriend and how evil he is, all that will do is get
her to defend him. If the conversation gets stuck on him, try
to change the topic, kindly, like: this is something we just
won't agree on, let's talk about something positive.
She may finally realize that she has made the wrong choice,
but it has to be on her own time. If ever. Some people never do,
but she is your sister and nothing should break that bond.
You will always need each other.

Answer 3

I think you should still talk to her...Maybe if you don't talk for it for a while, she'll get over her anger, and when you bring it up the next time, she'll be free to talk. I'd be mad at her too, but don't hate her for it. She probably thinks this man is the 1. Try and be ethical with her. Don't tell her she's wrong in marrying him at first. Try and slowly get back on her good side and then talking her out of it slowly, but surely. If she marries this man, she will most likely get a divorce by the way u said he treats her. If you stop talking to her though, that would make a bad relationship and you all might not talk for a long time and then you two would never re-bond as sisters and be able to talk to each other the way you used to - about stuff going on in your life.

Answer 4

You shouldn't hate her. As a sister I think you should stick to trying to show her the light. Of course, there's only so much you can do. The more you call her stupid, idiot and all those other things the more she'll feel she has no choice but to settle for the schmuck she's with and she'll just stop listening to anything you have to say because she's already heard it before. She made her bed, now let her sleep in it.

Answer 5

I don't think you really hate your sister, I think if you did you wouldn't be so concerned about her and her life. Also you have to remember, we all have to go through our own good or bad experiences in life and I guess this abusive man is one of hers. So you can give her all the advice you want about her relationship but in the long run she has to decide whats best for her. That's the problem with people, we are all stubborn and have to learn on our own before we all realize that we don't want to go back to that person or situation.

Answer 6

you can hate her because she will not listen to you but she is Ur sister and you know if anything would ever happen you we go out of your way to help her. I have the same problem with my sister. and she is now 17 yrs old and she is going to have a baby soon. i drove 45 miles or so out of my way at 1am in the morning (and i had to go to work the next day.) to get her out cause she called and said she wanted out. after i get there she want here she said she would meet me at. i got the cops involved & they went to her house and she told them that she was fine and there was nothing wrong. so i made post a little was down the road from her house just to make sure. need less to say she is still with him.

Answer 7

Sounds like my brother to me. It hurts so bad that he is this way to me. I love him so much, but the therapists say I cannot control him and I shouldn't ruin my life worrying about if he'll ever forgive me. I'm grown and I'm always going to be here when he's ready. There is no one on earth closer than family. Remember the days when you were kids. All fun and games pure fun kid stuff. I wish I could have that back. I'm sad inside when I see how everyone has there siblings but me. There's nothing more I can do than wait gor hime to be my brother again. I am who I am and I could not change if I wanted to. I regret many things but God put us on earth and let us make mistakes to be forgiven.

Answer 8

NO!! be there for her regardless, she needs you to be there and not hate her for it... she has to make her own mistakes, and when you are with her be friendly because it will not help if you "harass" her about. I had the same problem with family members but I had to learn to live with it. She feels offended and you have to give her time to realize her mistakes. I know this sounds like Oprah, but you'll know once you start to really show your love for her and if you guys have a serious conversation one day when things are better. Let her live, and remember she's family and never let her go. Bless you!!

Answer 9

My sister is older than me, She is with an abusive moron who is thankfully in jail for the next 2 or 3 years, but she's still waiting on him, and has turned herself into not only a religious zealous she is a meth head, coming over to my house and telling me that she is big and bad.
My husband told her she wasn't welcome in our home ever again, and I totally back him. I will never speak to her again, We have kids and I dont want them seeing someone like her.
She has mental problems...and it sounds like your sister does too. I am so sorry to you hon, and I hope that you can be strong enough to cut her off, cause thats the ONLY think that she is going to see. And then later on when she realizes what a (BLEEP) she's been then you can consider speaking to her again.

Answer 10

No if that's your sister, even if you think she's being stupid and making a terrible mistake you need to let HER learn from her mistake. With her knowing that you don't like how she's living is all the more reason for her to rebel. Just let her know you support her and just hope and pray she realizes what a loser her boyfriend is.