how do i tell them??????

Question

im 33yrs old. englishman living in scotland. my fiance is from USA she has been here for 6mths now. im very close to my parents even though they live in england. My previous deceased wife(cancer) cheated on me and was a real nasty piece of work. but my new fiance is great. But the time has come to make a break, i dont belong here anymore, englishman in scotland. Also going back to england near parents would be a step in the wrong direction. as they are very controlling. So we are planning to move to USA mississippi where my fiance comes from... along with my 6yr old daughter. But im so dreading telling my parents.....So what should i say and when????????......... we are going down for a break to visit them in july should we tell them then and then wait for the crap to hit the fan or what???? how should i deal with this??? they will be hurt as they will not see much of there only grandchild but to be honest they dont much now anyway. due to distance. what should i say and how?????????

Answer 1

Hi!!!

Well, your situation is delicate. You should try to explain to your parents that your fiance brings you happiness and she's all you've been dreaming about. After the loss of your first wife, you deserve happiness and your little girl deserves a good mother. I realy think that your parents want your well being besides all the things and one day they will realise that the actual situation in your life is the best for you.

Also, you should not argue with them (or at least try not to). I guess they should have the right to see their grandchild and an argument with them in this point (of your moving away,in the US) could break their realtionship and this would cause a big harm on your child... I think about myself, when I'm telling you this: I've loved very much my grandparents and they had a great (good) influence on my life.

I hope things will work out for you and everything's gonna be ok.

Answer 2

If you're not ready to tell mommy and daddy about adult decisions, then maybe you're not ready to make this adult move. Your previous wife has nothing to do with the current situation (my condolence on her death, though) Your first priority is to your child. Is this move going to be good for her/?How does she feel about it/ Does she even know? Mom and Dad will be upset, of course. You're their son and your are moving far away. Reassure them that you're only an e-mail away and that you love them very much, but that you're a man now. And why to Mississippi? Have you been there? Will you even like it? The USA is huge and there's a different group of people in all four corners of that country. How long have you known your fiance? Are you moving to get away from your parents? Think hard before you do this and affect your daughter.

Answer 3

Good luck with making a fresh start! You're obviously ready for it, loads of people would be nervous about moving to a new country.
You have every right to do what you are doing; you're not doing anything wrong. Remember that. There's no easy way to tell them. Just do it and explain that you'll both have to make more of an effort to keep in contact. There's e-mail, there's letters, there's the phone. Plus they could visit for a holiday.
If things get nasty then just leave, you don't need it; then get back in contact and leave the way open for them to contact you when they've calmed down.
You say you are close to your parents but you also say you don't see them much, plus you are not looking forward to this so it doesn't sound like you expect support. You have your own life to lead and the chance for a fresh new start for you and your daughter, focus on that.

Answer 4

Tell your parents the truth as soon as you see them in person. Not the exact minute mind you, but talk about your plans for the future with them. How they have lead you to decide to move to Mississippi. Your parents may not like it, but in this day and age it is easy to keep in touch. Also it will make visiting england and your parents even more special. I hope your daughter knows about the plan and is excited. Moving with children can be hard. Good Luck.

Answer 5

If your parents are controlling, as you say, then I don't know that I would do it face to face. But, in any event, you should present it as a fabulous opportunity for yourself and your daughter. What are all the positive reasons for moving to the US? You can then say, "I know you will be happy for me and your granddaughter because I know you want us to have the best opportunities and be happy." We are so excited to be going and will have a guestroom for your frequent visits. I know it seems far, but, it isn't too much harder to get to see you from there than it is from here." Prepare yourself for them being very unhappy - if you are face to face, it will be worse for you and harder to deal with. If you are away and do it by letter or phone it will lose some of its emotional impact on you. If they get nasty, you can always say, "I know this must be a surprise for you, and a lot to take in at once. I am leaving/hanging up the phone untill you have calmed down and then we can talk with each other as adults with mutual respect and civility."

Good Luck

Answer 6

Tell them that you are moving for health reasons. You need to be in a warm climate because of arthritis or allergies or whatever. Tell them that this will give them an opportunity to come to the States for visits. You can keep in touch by Email. Maybe you can save up enough to pay for a trip over for them. There are trans Atlantic cruises that are good deals.

Answer 7

You don't live for your parents. You live for your daughter and your fiance. If they want to see her and talk to her, the planes go both ways and so do the phones. Besides with web cams and internet, they could talk to her and you every day if they wanted too. You don't need their permission. You don't need their approval.

What do you say? You tell them the truth. "My fiance and I have decided to marry and move to the USA. We would love your blessing. We will keep in touch regularly (then do it) and be back to visit regularly (do that too). Will you attend our wedding. We would love you to be our special guests."

My Dad was my best man at my wedding. It worked for me. We got married in NY State and lived there while my parents lived in Memphis, TN and my wife's parents lived in another city. We saw my parents more than my wife's parents (mine lived 1500 miles away, they lived 100 miles away).

I would not worry about their reaction. I would plan my life as you need and want.

Answer 8

Let them know that you love them but you want to start a new life with your new wife. Tell them that you feel a move to the U.S. would be a great way to do that. Ultimately it is your choice but it is hard to have to leave them behind. Who know's maybe they will want to come too. Life is full of suprises so I have learned to just hang on for the ride :0)

Answer 9

look, they may be upset for a while and you can understand why but i am sure at the end of the day they will just want you to be happy. be honest with tham, give them lots of time to get used to the idea, remind them that they will be welcome to come visit (and you'll visit them)and will probably spend more quality time with your daughter that way. tell them as a family (you, your fiancee and daughter) that way they will not blow a fuse or cause a scene! i hope.

Answer 10

Oh, my. Believe I would wait until you receive papers to legally come to the United States. I have heard it is a very long process. No need to stir it up sooner than need be. Best of luck.