My boyfriend and I have been together in a relationship for 7 months. At the beginning of our relationship, he asked me if I ever slept with a guy that he knows and work with. He originally asked me jokingly so I changed the subject and said we just talked on the phone and we never were intimate. 7 months later, the topic has come up again. This time he asked me directly and seriously. At first I lied and said I came close, but a few minutes later I admitted that we did sleep together. He became irrate and called me all kinds of names, made me feel lower than dirt (which is what I experienced anyway when I slept with the guy). I should have been honest up front, but I didn't want his perception of me to change and didnt want to hurt him especially since they work together. Now my boyfriend will barely talk to me, he doesn't trust me anymore eventhough I slept with the guy almost 3 years ago before my boyfriend and I ever thought about a relationship! What do I do?
2006-06-17 08:28:58 · 19 answers · asked by Jai C 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I was not honest with him in the beginning because I was so excited that he was interested in me and didn't want to jeopardize the relationship from the jump. Sometimes it seems like I'm the only one in this relationship that's doing all the apologizing. Im starting to think that he is bringing in excess baggage from his previous relationship. His ex walked out on him and he said she used to lie but it depended on the way he asked the question. So what happened was obviously a painful reminder of his past because I did something once that she used to do often. Thanks for all your comments!
2006-06-17 09:01:56 · update #1
Forget him, he knew you had slept with his friend before he even asked! Get another!
http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/
2006-06-17 08:32:07 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, there is no way to determine how he would have reacted if you were honest in the first place. He could have very well reacted the exact same way. However, if we ignore that for now we can at least say that you have made a HUGE mistake by not telling the truth. You have broken down the walls of trust. Something not easy to repair. It takes time and it takes hard work to rebuild such a thing. Keep in mind that he is reminded everyday, because he works with this guy, that you and he were intimate in the way the two of you are now. Who wants to be reminded of that?! Would you? He is reacting emotionally, and maybe immaturely, but if it is something you want to fix, you both have to be on the same page and move forward in your relationship. You have to be focused on the same goals. To do this you have to be able to communicate openly with each other.
I would just give him some space and leave him alone for awhile, possibly even suggest breaking up for awhile. He'll either come around or stay away.
Hopefully you will learn a major lesson form this. Lies will always come back to haunt you and hurt the ones you love. Honesty on the other hand might not always garnish the reaction you want but it is the best policy. At least you would know that you are a truthful and honest person. Everything else is outside of your control.
2006-06-17 08:41:19 · answer #2 · answered by cannon1977 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
explain to him that the reason you didn't answer the first time is because you and him had such a new relationship you didn't want to destroy what "could be" by telling him things that weren't important yet. Now that you are a serious couple you wanted to be open, even though it was hard for you to admit it, then fill him in on what other half truths you have told him, (if any) and let him know that you are being honest now because you don't want your relationship to end over something that happened years ago. (which most likely at this point he is not mad about, he is mad about being lied to) So apologize and hope he accepts.
2006-06-17 08:35:04 · answer #3 · answered by sweetgurllexi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First honesty is the best policy period.He needs to get over it. It sounds like he could be bringing in some baggage from past relationships or hurt that you lied to him. If he asked twice apparently somebody had already said something to him before he asked you. You missed the clues!! If you want this relationship,it will take time and possibly couples counseling. If not, apologize anyway if you haven't done so already. Peace.
2006-06-17 08:50:16 · answer #4 · answered by wildrover 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you wouldn't have lied the first time he probalby would not have had as big a problem but you in the face of confrontation choose to lie. How can he ever trust that? You cooked your own goose better luck on your next boyfriend and remember trust is priceless. So tell the truth.
2006-06-17 08:33:21 · answer #5 · answered by xx_muggles_xx 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell him that you lied to him from the beginning for the reason that you liked him too much and didn't want to lose him. Now that you have been with him for several months so it's a good time to be honest and seeking for his forgiveness because past was past.
2006-06-17 08:39:02 · answer #6 · answered by chd.tran 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I AGREE YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN HONSET FROM THE START IF HE IS UPSET WITH YOU ITS BECAUSE HE DOESNT LIKE THE ANSWER HE GOT FROM YOU WHEN HE ASKED THE QUESTION IF IN THE FUTURE HE ASKS THAT BE HONSET SAY YES I WAS IN A RELATIONSHIP BUT IT DIDNT WORK OUT AND WE HAD TO SPLIT UP THATS SOMETHING A GUY LIKE HIM WILL UNDERSTAND. BUT SINCE ITS WITH SOMEONE THAT YOUR BOYFRIEND KNOWS AND WORKS WITH IT MIGHT BE A HARD PILL TO SWALLOW AND IT MIGHT TAKE HIM A LITTLE TIME TO SORT ALL HIS FEELINGS OUT ABOUT THIS SITUATION SO JUST BE PATIENT WITH HIM OK. WHEN SOMETHING LIKE THIS COMES UP MORE THEN ONCE ITS BECAUSE HE DOEST FEEL SECURE IN THE RELATIONSHIP AND HE WANTS TO KNOW THAT THINGS LIKE THIS WONT HAPPEN IN THE FUTURE . IF YOU WANT TO GAIN HIS TRUST IN YOU BACK YOU HAVE TO TELL HIM THAT YOU WILL BE TOTALLY HONSET WITH HIM IN EVERYTHING THAT YOUR LIFE PRIOR TO THIS RELATIONSHIP IS A OPEN BOOK AND THAT HE CAN ASK YOU ANYTHING AND YOU CAN ANSWER ALL HIS QUESTIONS DO THIS AND HE MIGHT FORGIVE YOU AND HOPEFULLY FORGET THIS EVER HAPPENDED GOOD LUCK NAD
2006-06-17 08:40:59 · answer #7 · answered by Ann C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just give him some time. He will get over it. It was before him. Why did you lie though? You can't change the past. I would have told him what is in the past stays in the past, and it is none of his business. You should not have lied, and he should not have punished you for what was in the past. Give time to cool off.
2006-06-17 08:36:34 · answer #8 · answered by blah blah blah 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Gain his trust and respect again. I know it was just 3 years ago but people are shallow and only think about themselves. I ran away 3 years ago and to this day, my family gets at me all the time! Just remain faithful, trustworthy and serious with him. Explain to him that it was 3 years ago, and you didn't even know your boyfriend at this time. Be sensitive to how he feels and after awhile he should trust you again. Good luck!
2006-06-17 08:34:40 · answer #9 · answered by ♥Lily♥ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He knows now that you can be deceptive and is questioning your future honesty. NEVER lie or deceive someone you love. It will be the beginning of the end. If you are to work it out. You really have to prove you can be trusted again. TIME....
2006-06-17 08:34:33 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
while its to late to change whats already bin done and if you guys stay together he might have a hard time trusting you again and you might have a hard time stsying together and while the only thing you really can do is wait and see what happens best of luck
2006-06-17 08:34:31 · answer #11 · answered by mittens 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋