What do you qualify as a verbal attack and what do you qualify as constuctive criticism.?

Question

When do you draw the line and determine that what someone is saying to you is a verbal attach rather than constructive criticism. My boyfriend claimed I attacked him when I told him that he can not continue to blame his father and the way he was raised for his own shortcomings. He is now 42.

Answer 1

The perception of attack is in the eyes of the beholder. So, if he says it, it is true for him. You may feel he is deflecting to avoid other harder to face issues, but that's for him to do and you to decide if you can deal with it or not.

At 42, the change from blaming parents and taking responsibility for ones actions is difficult. It requires circumstances that make it desirable for a person to own some bad stuff about themselves.

You can benefit from realizing you will not change him. You can only tell him how you feel and do what you can to accept how he feels. You have to decide if you want to stay with a person that behaves the way he does or if you need to move on. Explore how you feel about things between the two of you. Honestly express your feelings. If he wants to change himself in response to your feelings out of respect for you or desire to be with you, he will. If he won't, you decide if it is worth your time and aggravation to stay or not.

Answer 2

A verbal attack is saying something that may be untrue but is said in order to lower the person's standard. Mostly racial attacks are verbal and negative. On the other hand when you open someones eyes over his/her shortcomings, that is a constructive criticism. By the way, at 42yr and blaming his dad is a lack of responsibility on his part. He already passed the age to prove to his father that he was wrong and against all odds as a man he has made it on his own.

Answer 3

I differentiate them in that verbal attacks attack the person. Constructive critism addresses the problem behavior AND has a recommended (and possible) solution.

Also, remember men and women think differently. Usually, even if it's subconscious, men do NOT want to be told what to do by women. I'm not suggesting that's right or fair, but I have known many men to quit their jobs rather than report to work when a female has been placed as their direct supervisor.

Answer 4

Well, constructive criticism is when you criticize someone and tell them how to fix it. Verbal attacks are normally just telling other people what's wrong with them. What you said would be constructive criticism if you ask me. A verbal attack of what you said would be something like "You always blame your father!" and CC would be what it sounds like you said. I hope all of this makes sense! :)

Answer 5

It really depends on the reason for what you're saying. A verbal attack is when you use their faults to win an argument and it's usually done to make yourself seem superior. Constructive criticism is when you tell them something to help them be a better person and it's usually done out of love..

Answer 6

You are right. It was constructive critism. I was an abused child growing up and I use to do the same thing. I had to realize that I needed to talk with someone an open up about what happend to me. He probably feels like what they have said about him is true when infact its not. He is imprisioned by his past. Therefore he cant see his present nor his future. A part of being human is failure. He is going to have to learn how to deal with his failure in a positive way. He needs to find someone to talk to about his past so the rest wont be clouded. Good Luck and I hope it works out.

Answer 7

Constructive critism should be delivered as part of a sandwich, known as the **** sandwich.
You say something positive, then put the **** in then finish with something positive. This is the most effective way to deliver critism

Answer 8

It's hard to know how to answer this without knowing what you said to him and how you said it. Did you call him names? Were you yelling or snide? If it was truly said gently and as constructive criticism then he's just being defensive because you hit a sore and very true point.

Answer 9

sounded like powerful criticism, even though it relies upon on the receivers thoughts set as to HOW THEY take it. If he replaced into merely gripping to gripe, then he took it as an attack. If he replaced into actually searching for an answer, he would have taken it as powerful criticism.

Answer 10

If your b/f hasn't figured that out by age 42...he's got problems....big problems and seeing the truth that you pointed out is one of 'em.