my boyfriend sometimes withdraws into himself?

Question

my boyfriend often has these spells where he withdraws into himself saying that he just wants to be alone. any attempt to talk tohim irritates him. i find this hard to cope with. any suggestions?

Answer 1

Nope. Frankly, I'm the same way. My gf let me know it bothers her, so, I'm trying to make adjustments. But, if you keep asking him, it'll just take longer and make him more irritated, maybe to the point where he can't deal with it anymore. I'd let him know it bothers you, and leave it. If he's going to change, he'll do it on his own.

Answer 2

forget that babygirl, i can tell by babygirl you want to be taken care of and when he does that isolation stuff, you feel bad. Ima guy, and i will keep it real with you. I also had classes of psychology, sociology, and human development of relational patterns, lol but i keep it real. When a man cuts himself off, its usually because he has a greater interest somewhere else. He could be indulged in work, personal hobbies, or even just going out with other people that is not you. This does not mean you are worthless, it means that he doesn't draw for interaction. Whether he's gay, anti-social to alot of folks, or needs more vacations than normal. If he is irritated, than he has something he is against. Also, understand there are some men who just need time alone. This is when their interest may not me shared with you, and they work faster getting to their accomplishment point where it makes them feel good. Don't be mistreated though. If a man can not fix a problem, then he's no leader. A relationship needs a leader, if not two. Solutions can be derived from an intelligent couple or a couple desperately seeking a continued companionship. See if he's in it for just him, or if he really cares about you. Eliminate evil in the air and showing empathy to a problem regardless faults is a good start. Take care and be happy. If all else fails, tell him to stop acting like a ****** and man up to his responsibility in the relationship! lol

Answer 3

He's a boy. That's what boys do.

Men want to be able to handle things on their own sometimes. Asking you for help might make him feel weak or embarassed.

Here's something to think about. Do you like it when you tell him a problem and he starts telling you what you should do to handle it when you weren't asking for advice - but just trying to vent?

I already know the answer to that and so do you.

So give him his space. By the way. If you guys are seeing each other more than 2 days a week maybe you should slow it down a little.

Sometimes people get together and start hanging out EVERY DAY. Things grow stale and the newness wears off then they don't want to be around each other any more.

Remember - Absence makes the heart grow fonder. This is VERY TRUE.

Girls I have seen every day are cool for a while and then things go stale and boring.

Girls I have kept to one or 2 times a week are always happy to see me and vice versa.

Its o.k. to talk over the phone but not forever either. Keep your visits to a couple times a week unless you guys are SO Comfortable around each other and enjoy each others company so much that every day hanging out is trivial because you're like best friends.

O.K. I digress.

Let him have his moments. If they still increase perhaps he is suffering from depression or something and really theres nothing you can do - he has to handle something like that on his own. Support is cool but difficult to do for the person who is doing the supporting and he may or may not want support.

You can always ask if he wants you support - not advice but your support.

Like I said - if you do all this stuff and he still seems to be growing apart or silent alot theres something going on and you cant do anything about it - it's not your fault.

The more you try to insist and persist the further you will push him away.

I dunno if this helps you think about it at all but this is just my knowledge to give so good luck!

Answer 4

I would be patient when these spells happen. You say you find this hard to cope with, well, I suggest you look at your relationshipand think if you really like him. But before you do anything drastic, talk with him, ask him what he would like you to do when his spells come along. Sometimes these spells are signs of conditions and sometimes they are signs of selfishness, you decide which HIS spell resembles and act from there.

Answer 5

Hard as this might be for you at first, but how about respecting his wish to be left alone? If it's just a spell as you say, he'll come out of it in his own good time and "be there" again. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you anymore, it just means what it means: he needs some time alone. Accept him for who he is, just as you want him to accept you for who you are, "warts and all". Mind you, my guy's the same and I'm speaking from experience, here... :-)

Answer 6

Sometimes men like to sit around and just think. Don't get mad about it. Leave him alone for a while. If you want to understand men read "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus". Don't blame your boyfriend if he doesn't want to participate in "your" conversation. He is probably already considerate enough to spare you from talking about things that YOU don't care or know anything about. And we find the whole "Us" conversation boring and wasteful. If he didn't care about you he wouldn't be there.

Answer 7

suggest that he speak with his doctor.. feeling the need to internalize stressful situations and then react with anger for you being concerned may be something more that hasn't yet be considered.. I would say .. give him space to figure things out in his mind.. but that seems to the very worst thing for you.. I can understand both sides of this equation. There must be a compromise.. tell him you are concerned that he is shutting you out and offer to talk it over with him .. without open communication, continuing the relationship may be very difficult.

Answer 8

Don't obsess over him. Let him be alone when he wants to be alone. Usually, when guys say this, they mean it.

Answer 9

this aspect of man is dealt with in incredible depth in the book "men are from mars and women are from venus".

its ab what you asked n more......read the book.

Answer 10

Get a new boyfriend or deal with it.