Because of my sisters two kids I try to hold on to some type of relationship with her. It is becoming more and more difficult to hang in there with her and be supportive. I know she needs a friend and some help but she refuses any type of good advice or offers of counseling to get her issues under control. I am really missing out on my nephew’s big time because of this. I don't know what to do. How can I help the situation and get the rest of the family to get back involved in her life to get her back on track even if she doesn't want the help. She definatley needs the help for the sake of her children.
2006-06-17 05:49:26 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I have offered to pay for counseling. I have babysat her kids. Its just that she gets upset when she is not the center of attention and she has a seriously horrible temper when things don't go her way. I know she has been hurt in the past but damn haven't we all? You can't even make jokes with her without her taking it serious. She has pushed most of the family away with her temper tanturms and she is 31 years old no it is not a maturity issue.
2006-06-17 06:02:54 · update #1
Keep caring ... dont stop caring....
Before going to see her.
Build yourself up emotionally, it will be easier to be around her...
once you leave...do the same thing...
Plan your visits between two positive things.
But really, honestly, dont stop caring.
Just be there! Thats it! Be there!
2006-06-17 06:19:37 · answer #1 · answered by Life is Wonderful 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Honestly..I think it might depend on exactly what the "personality issues" are.
There is a reason for EVERYTHING.
We, as people in general, tend to want to put a band-aid on things instead of healing the boo-boo.
Sometimes it's not always the other person's fault either.
And sometimes the real cause might surprise you.
She is not your FRIEND.....she is your BLOOD.
She is part of you and the family....forever.
Maybe the family dynamics that you hold dear are not exactly what she wants.
I mean, I certainly don't want my family "involved in my life".
I want them to let me live my own life that includes them as my family.
There is a difference.
My own "little sister' taught me all this.
If she had not hung on all these years to the fact that I WAS her sister...her BLOOD...part of HER.....I wouldn't have any family at all now.
Hang in there for her and just be her sister.
Sometimes that is all you can do.
And sometimes it works....it did with me.
The real question is....is she causing harm to her children with these issues?
Is she causing harm to herself and/or others?
Is there a problem that is requiring legal assistance?
Are the "problems" health issues, religious issues, relationship issues, even sexual issues?
Some issues do not require family involvement....just family support.
Without knowing exactly what these personality issues are, it is hard to assist you with suggestions even from personal experience.
Just hang in there for her.
One day, unfortunately, the family will be gone, and it will be just you and your sister.
2006-06-17 06:25:35 · answer #2 · answered by Muinghan Life During Wartime 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe she doesn't want to be connected with the family anymore. I mean, as rude as that sounds that's what happens. You grow up and go off, even if you should stay with the family. But one day your sister is going to come back and she's gonna see that she made a mistake and how families are supposed to be there for each other.
There really is no way you can force her into doing something she doesn't want to do. She is grown up and not a child. So what you gotta do is just keep on wanting to be there for her and stuff, one day she'll allow you back into her life.
2006-06-17 05:57:05 · answer #3 · answered by sweetdollツ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
She needs to have an epiphany and then seek out her own help.
Send your nephews cards with sticks of gum in them I still love that my aunt did that for me.
I have a sister who is borderline needing help and my hubby's sister is so disconnected from the family it's not even funny.
It's really hard and really sad but you cannot force her to change if she doesn't see the problem.
Give it time and try to stay in touch with your nephews as much as you can. Good luck!
2006-06-17 05:58:38 · answer #4 · answered by jaemers24 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is not clear what your sisters personality issues are and how they affect you and her children...Given that I would say if you are concerned with the welfare of her children then concentrate on you being there you may not be able to convince the rest of your family but you can do whats right for your nephew If it is endangering her children then you have to decide whats best for them remember your sister is an adult they are not you may not be able to help her but you can help them ...Like I said without knowing the issues it is hard to advise on what actions to take
2006-06-17 06:00:00 · answer #5 · answered by rae b 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She really needs to see a shrink, but you won't be able to get her to see one if she doesn't realize that she has problems worthy of seeking help. I think the only other way she may end up in counseling is if she's forced to go because she does something to endanger herself or her children. Maybe a psychologist can offer better insight, because I think this sort of denial is extremely common.
2006-06-17 05:58:13 · answer #6 · answered by anonymous 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
aww.. im really sorry to hear that :(
i think you should tell your sister, with a lot of sincereity, that you love her. and you want a bigger part in your relationship together.
tell her how it hurts you that you two arent as close, and that you also really miss seeing your nephews. maybe you two can go out and see a movie? or to lunch? to make it a fun, easy situation.
if shes hard to talk to, then you can always write her a letter.
one thing for sure is, never blame her for anything. she seems like shes in need for some love, and needs exactly that. any blame i believe, would push her away.
i hope this helped. and good luck to you :)
2006-06-17 05:56:00 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The reason she might be getting so mad is because she feels that she is being pressured by everyone!!! Let her know that you love her and you are there for her if she wants to talk,but back off a little,she has enough on her plate trying to raise two kids and trying to deal with her issues and being pressured by everyone to get help and etc.,just except her and be her sister.
2006-06-17 09:33:01 · answer #8 · answered by luvouhellen 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have the same problem but with a daughter instead. I have bent over backwards to try and help her. It seems the more I do for her the worst things get. I finally decided to just let things stand for awhile until she decides she wants my help. It's hard to do but sometimes you must use tough love. I hope this helps, but all you can do is let her no you will always be there when she needs you.
2006-06-17 06:24:34 · answer #9 · answered by Lin 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only place to go now is to just be persistant. People with issues like her's avoid counseling to avoid discovering what's bothering them. Be insistant on counseling, offer to pay for it if you can afford it. These issues could lead to something serious and could scar her children for life. Don't give up. INSIST on counseling.
2006-06-17 05:55:55 · answer #10 · answered by actingjunkie700 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If her problems are hurting her children, you should call CPS, Child Protectivie Services. They will investigate and get her the help she needs. Maybe you can offer to take the kids for a day and have fun with them.
2006-06-17 05:54:18 · answer #11 · answered by notyou311 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋