I have a daugther (5yrs) & on summer school she made a present for father's day. I ask what was it since it was wraped she said it was a present for his dad she named my hubby) I divorce her dad since she was 9 months & got married after a 11/2 years w/my now hubby, so we out even telling her, she had always called my hubby "dad"even though she knows who her father is . I allready expalin again to her the situation but she still wants 2 give my hubby the present she made. Is it okey for her to feel this for my hubby & nit for her dad. Her dad is a Jerk but still it's her dad.Hopefully it won't affect her in the future!! I just want the best for her ...:)
2006-06-17 05:22:50 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Your daughter was raised by her step-father, and obviously feels more of a bond with him than her biological father.
As long as you continue to tell her that he is just her step dad and not her biological dad, she should be able to decide who she wants her fathers day gift to go to.
You don't want to force her to give a gift to someone she does not want to give it to. If her biological father has any issues with it, just explain that you continue to tell her that he is not her biological dad and it is her choice to give him her fathers day present and not yours.
Maybe you could sit down with her and make something for her biological dad, that way they are bothing getting a gift and will also take away most of your concerns.
2006-06-17 06:01:46 · answer #1 · answered by monkeys mom 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Even though he's a jerk this must hurt. I know it would me. But she is really too young to understand and I hope her father realizes this. If he takes all the opportunities you allow for him to be with her and its Quality, maybe you should offer up more time for him to be with her. If he doesn't utilize that to have a closer relationship then let the cards fall where they may. It won't be your fault. Maybe you even might help her make something for the father. Step-Dad should understand.
I'm a Dad both ways.
2006-06-17 12:31:57 · answer #2 · answered by Rick 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's great that she feels the father/daughter bond with your husband. It is definitely ok for her to give him a dad's day gift. He is playing the role of her father, right? I'm guessing she does not spend a great deal of time with her biological father, because if she did, she would want to make one for him also. I think you should try to encourage her to do this, to avoid any hard feelings between the dad and stepdad. It sounds like you got a good man there, too. Hang on to him.
2006-06-17 12:31:27 · answer #3 · answered by jackieleacollins 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She can go ahead and give your hubby the present and maybe least give her real father a card or something. That way both are taken care of!
2006-06-17 14:42:10 · answer #4 · answered by Piper 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
let her give the gift to your "hubby" there is nothing wrong with that. Encourage her to have a relationship with her real father too(don't force her;) if she doesn't want to) . There is absolutely no problem with her having a "Father" and a "Dad" and it won't cause any problems.
2006-06-17 12:31:01 · answer #5 · answered by ralahinn1 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Feelings are always okay, you cannot control how you FEEL. Expression of the feelings and consideration of other people's feeling is attained as one grows older.
As a 5-year-old she does not yet realize (most likely) that her feelings toward one man might hurt the other. And as grown adults the men usually don't realize that just because she loves one of them doesn't mean she can't love the other.
If I were in your shoes, I'd explain to her that it is okay to love both and express it to both individually, but that she might want to make another small something as a gift for her biological father.
2006-06-19 17:23:48 · answer #6 · answered by Chris L 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I say if she wants her stepdad to have the gift and that's who she made it for then he should get it. Children know who loves them and she must feel he is a great dad. Do not feel bad about this, if you think it is a big deal ask her if she'd like to make her other dad a card too. Then she can send or give it to him also.
2006-06-17 14:21:23 · answer #7 · answered by Nicole M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My 13 year old was in the same boat. We always get two cards and presents one for each. If your daughter doesn't see her real father than mail it to him. Let your child choose who she wants to give the home made gift to. One word of advice. Always love your child more than you hate their father. Do not let them hear you say bad things about your ex. Trust me it will come back and bite you on the ***. Unless of course he was a child abuser!!!
2006-06-17 14:44:14 · answer #8 · answered by Kris P 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
who cares if your Hubby has been there for her, then that's her dad. it wont mess her up. it will probably be better for her to have a lobing care man that choice to love her like a father instead of her jerk for a real father!
2006-06-17 14:26:49 · answer #9 · answered by fandj4ever 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would have her make a 2nd present for her biological dad or a special card for him. That will help to keep her relationship with him together without affecting your husband negatively.
2006-06-17 19:15:02 · answer #10 · answered by snddupree 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋