I haven't talked to my parents in 10 months due to a falling out. They think I'm selfish and apathetic about family issue, and in part they are correct, however, I am who I am and that's the way it is. The thing is, since the fallout, I've never had more time to myself and I absolutely love not having to go to all the family functions. I answer to no one and am not responsible for anyone. I am a single mail in my late 20s. I know if I reconcile with them, it may be good for a while, but eventually we will go back to having the same problems. I can't, nor do I want to, change who I am. I just feel bad because they were very good parents growing up and treated me well. But I also feel fury when I think about what jerks my mother and father can be. I don't know what to do. Any ideas?
2006-06-17 00:03:00 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
i would try to reconcile but under your conditions. if you dont want to go to family get togethers and such then dont. explain that too them, if they cant accept it then at least you tried.
2006-06-17 00:08:06 · answer #1 · answered by vanessaoz 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are a vain and inconsiderate and selfish man. All you think about according to your own words in this letter is yourself.
I can just imagine what kind of a husband or father you are going to be someday if you don't change and start thinking about someone else instead of just yourself. What in the world happened if your parents gave you such a good childhood to turn you into a brat?
Just for one minute think about all the things your parents gave up to give you a loving childhood and a good education. The evenings when they could have been out with friends and instead stayed home and maybe made dinner and helped you with homework, the times they gave up getting new clothes or a car so that they could give you your education or buy you equipment that you needed for sports or something.
Honestly ... a disagreement and you cut your parents off over something like that? They are family...you ***, you have no one else in this world that cares about you. get off your high horse and apologize and go home and visit regularly, this time do things for them , get them groceries, get them things that you think they need in the house, mow the lawn, help out like a son should. Make them proud that they had you
They could have given you up on birth if they did not love you you know...Right now they are probably wishing that they had because of your attitude.
2006-06-17 07:27:55 · answer #2 · answered by Pete 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your letter suggests hope. Sometimes bad things happen between parents and sons, and it's infuriating and makes it very difficult to continue communicating without something else happening that makes you wonder if it was all worth it. But they are your parents and I think the matter deserves some extra effort on your part, and on theirs too. Do what you can to regain communications and a civil relationship again. Reach a point when it's okay for them to call you and you to call them, either socially or to talk about a difficult topic. But also realize that as a person in your late 20s, you've branched off as a different person, different experiences and life needs, and that's not in itself wrong. Use the maturity and knowledge you have to have a working relationship with your parents, knowing that it won't be perfect, they will annoy you again, it will happen again, but accept it as you would other life irritations and find a way to deal with it. Find a way within yourself to take a deep breath and work out this problem and the next one that comes along with them. It's important.
2006-06-17 07:15:25 · answer #3 · answered by nothing 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm...take a seat on the couch and let me get my pad and pencil.
1) The fact that you are asking someone whether or not you should reconcile with your parents tells me that somewhere in the recesses of your soul, you want and/or need to reconcile with them. You may be having a blast going it alone, but you are not truly at peace with the situation as it is.
2) You are a man in your late 20s. You are autonomous. This doesn't mean you can't have a relationship with your parents. What you're struggling with is "cutting the cord." Or maybe it's them that's struggling. You need to establish boundaries with them and communicate that to them in an assertive, but rational and kind, manner. If you don't want to go to all the family functions, tell them! But you have to give a little to get a little. Tell them you'll go to holiday and birthday functions, but not to Aunt Tilda's best friend's daughter's graduation luncheon. Compromise is the key. No need to let it escalate to the point of not talking to each other anymore. But understand that you can't have it both ways. If you want to assert your independence, you must take responsibility for your own life. No relying on them as you did when you were growing up.
3) "I just feel bad because they were very good parents growing up and treated me well. But I also feel fury when I think about what jerks my mother and father can be." Which is it? Are they good parents or are they jerks? The truth is probably a little of both. They're human. And so are you. Isn't it possible that you too are both a good son and a jerk, at times? Try looking at your relationship from *their* perspective. Empathy can go a long way to mending fences and building bridges. It can also help you to understand them and yourself better...thereby helping to avoid similar incidents in the future.
4) Life is short; don't waste it wallowing in anger, bitterness and resentment. You do not want something to happen to your parents (either of them) whilst you have unfinished business. Tell them what's on your mind...what's in your heart. Be direct in a calm manner. Tell them you love them (it's clear you do!). Let them know you appreciate them for raising you to become the man you are.
Good luck and God bless.
2006-06-17 07:29:26 · answer #4 · answered by Jen 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm 39 and had some of the same problems you are having now. I was able to reconcile with my Father and let alot of hurt feelings go only because he was willing to change. My Mother is one who stayed the same after me trying, and finally I have lately just given up. She is toxic to my health and I finally have put my well being first. If you can find a middle ground you all can reach, hurray for you. If they refuse to budge and accept that you are you, I'd limit my association to an occasional phone call and send cards on important occasions. I no longer feel guilty about my decision. I made the best one for me. Good luck!!
2006-06-17 07:12:00 · answer #5 · answered by kimmy2006 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
David....I know the feeling well...lol! You are doing fine by what you are doing now. But! What you could do is this. Tell them that you are over 21 now and you want to live your own life that they can be a part of your life if they can follow some of your rules. You don't need to be a smart ___ so do speak just tell them nicely if you can. If they have any respect for you then they will listen. If not then Oh Well...you tried. If this is the case then send them cards on special occasions and let them know that you still love them and care and you think about them always. Hope this helps.
2006-06-17 07:19:34 · answer #6 · answered by shuggabhugga05 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is going to be harsh...GROW THE HELL UP..they are your parents..if you don't want to go to the family functions, then simple..DON'T GO...you only have 2 parents..they are alive...they were good parents you said..so how do you repay them? BY BEING A SELFISH JERK..don't change who you are...you shouldn't have to..but you also shouldn't be an immature selfish jerk either...talk to them again while they are here..once they are gone it'll be to late..and you'll have to live with that..but I get the idea you don't give a damn about anyone but yourself..pathetic.
2006-06-17 09:33:08 · answer #7 · answered by Syeira 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't have to be best friend to your parents, but loosing every contact with them is not right.
You don't have to talk to them every day, you can visit them once a week or a month.
People change every day. I'm sure you are able to change, but you must be willing to change.
You are human being and you live in society. You MUST try to adjust to the other people or you will be alone for the rest of your life.
2006-06-17 07:13:35 · answer #8 · answered by ginger lady 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I use to be in ur shoes. I know is mind bothering sometimes. But just listen to your heart. If they are good parents with you give a shot let them know how you are feeling just open up. Just the way you did here in Yahoo Answers.. Try it if it doesn't work hey at least you gave it a shot and u wont feel any remorse.. Smile. :)
2006-06-17 07:09:41 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Spoiled Brat. THEY ARE YOUR PARENTS!!! You may not always have to agree with them but you should think about what your doing. Your views will change in the future or should you find yourself needing something. If you move father away, then you could reduce it to a phone call relationship without guilt.
2006-06-17 07:08:00 · answer #10 · answered by Stacy R 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
personally, id say that because you know you are a selfish person and don't get along with your parents, id leave it alone and stay away from them. you and your parents sound like you will never see eye 2 eye, and you really don't want to reconcile
2006-06-17 07:12:35 · answer #11 · answered by harmonyandericjrburns 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋