What is the wisest way to discipline your child?

Question

What is the wisest way to discipline your child? When I have a child I don't plan on spanking them, instead I would punish them by taking their priviledges away for awhile (a week or two) and after halfway through their punishment if I see any change in my child's behavior I would gradually give some of their privildeges back before their unpunished, I don't really think spanking is a good way to discipline your child cause it could cause them to get angry and violent towards people cause they feel that it's okay to hit people out of anger, I think that talking to your child about their behavior can make a difference in them and send them to their rooms for awhile.

Answer 1

I think that there are three main factors to discipline - consistency, fairness, and calm.

You seem to relate spanking with anger, and discipline in general. That shouldn't be the case. Granted, there will be times that you will react instinctively, but hopefully you will most often have a chance to calm down before issuing punishment or discipline. With toddlers that isn't usually an option, and a smack on a diaper-padded bottom will often convey your displeasure with their action without causing them any pain whatsoever. Always keep in the forefront of your mind that you're trying to teach them something, not trying to hurt them. It's that action, not the pain, that will make them learn.

Be Consistent: With older children, making sure that they know the rules AND the consequences if they break them, makes your job easy. But you have to stick to what you say - you can't tell them that if they do that again you'll send their head spinning into the next room, because they'll know you won't or can't, and that lessens how seriously they take your rule not to do something.

Be Calm: Telling them that if they paint the kitchen with mustard again, you'll take away their electronic privileges for a week, will seem possible and reasonable to them, and they'll likely not do the deed again. Of course, since it never occurred to you to tell them not to paint the kitchen with mustard in the first place, you'll have to handle the initial act with a calm discussion and perhaps a punishment of having to help you clean it up (you'll have to help or it'll never be done right, and it also teaches them). And always follow through with whatever punishment you assign to an infraction. That way they'll believe you about that and other warnings.

Be Fair: Not only in your own mind, but in theirs. A punishment that is too severe for an infraction that really doesn't matter much in the overall scope of things will only serve to make them quit caring a fig whether they break your rules or not. Don't take them out of Little League just because they came home a half an hour later than you told them to; unless this is a long term problem and you've told them that that would be the punishment if they did it again.

Spanking is not a bad thing on its own. It's that anger you were talking about that makes it bad.

My eight year old did something once that I hadn't told him not to do, but it was necessary that he not do it again. It was important. So I told him that if he did that again, I would bend him over my knee and spank him. Since I had never spanked him before, he didn't think I would, I guess, and he did it again. I told him that he had left me with no choice, that since I'd said I'd spank him, he'd forced me to have to do it. I said this with sadness and regret in my voice and eyes, went and sat down on a chair and called him over to me. I told him to bend over my knee, and when he did, I calmly gave his butt one good smack. I waited a minute, then gave him one more. Then I asked him if he thought that that was enough, and he thought for a minute before responding that no, it probably wasn't. So I smacked him one more time, and let him go. The spanking didn't hurt anything but his pride, he was fully clothed. But it made him think, and he never did that again. I believe that part of it was respect for me. I was calm, I was consistent, and I believe I was fair.

The best way to start out though, I've found, is to have an authority in your voice from the very beginning. Most of what you'll be disciplining small children for will be things for their own safety, and there may be times when you'll need them to react immediately to your voice, so instilling in them the need to do so right from the beginning may save their lives later. My kids knew that I would always explain afterward why I had urgently barked an order, and knowing that if I was issuing commands at the top of my voice I must have good reason, helped a lot.

I can't imagine any reason, ever, that would warrant a punishment such as a beating or even a whipping, but the key to avoiding that isn't making rules about never spanking, the key is not to react in anger. Don't decide punishments when you're angry, don't allow yourself to react in an angry manner - THAT would teach them to do the same, and your ultimate goal in raising children is for them to become responsible, thoughtful, loving adults.

Never lose sight of the ultimate goal.

I don't mean to preach, and I'm no college-educated expert, but I have raised all of my kids to adulthood, and believe me, I've seen it all.

Answer 2

What age are you sending to the room ? Discipline varies , toddler just redirect , older 4 - 5 time out , 5-10 take away privilrdges ,now here is the worse ,if a child feels there are to punishments for " what ever " he / she will test the waters . Hopefully , at 11- 13 being firm will help .Now if all is well , the child should respect you and love you and behave ! But here is ..... and the friend wants to teach as well. I found out the hard way .One of mine visited a half way house down the block .So , I was told to learn the rules ! ! (1) If you yell at me it's vebal abuse . ( 2 ) if you make me go to my room , it's mental abuse (3) if you grab me when I leave it's phyical abuse (4) And if I get mad , I'll call social services for all the emotional abuse ,I feel I am under . This really happened , I was forced to file a chips ( in which a parent can no longer do ) anyway , the state filed me as a maltreatment of a child because I refused to be abuse from the child ! Now 10 years later , I always thought it was a chips , but records state " Child taken into protective care , mother not providing needs".My road will be long and still might not clear my name . Was I wrong to take a 14 yrs. to police dept ,refuse to take her home , after she threw a knife at me ? And came home 1 - 3 whatever AM she felt like .Let's see what discipline do you have the right to do from the stage a child Knows there rights ? Oh hey she will go to court on my behalf to clear my name ( now she an adult ) But it seems that won't help because she might be lying for me now , the social workers report is in black & white ! Poor child never hit or spanked , just taken to police station after 2 years of this .Good luck

Answer 3

I think that you should teach your child right from wrong before you start giving them discipline, the child will likely understand the rules and if the child does something they shouldn't be doing, I think that taking their priviledges away from them for a week or so would work well and that'll make the child think about what they did, I am not keen on spanking my child at all cause I don't like to see a child get abused by their parents.

Answer 4

You know, each child's personality is different, and much like you, before my daughter was born I was agast at ever thinking about hitting her. But the first time she jumped out of the stroller onto a busy road, my first instinct was to smack her bum. At that age, taking away priviledges or putting her in her room wouldn't have done anything for her as toddlers don't have long term memories. What happened a minute ago has no relevance on the current situation. I suggest you use your best judgement in each situation and don't get too upset if you make a mistake. You are only human, and you will make mistakes. Just apologize and move on. Best of luck to you!

Karen

Answer 5

I think that parents should spank their children and take some of their priviledges away from them like no allowance for a month, spending an entire week in their bedroom or forbidding them from playing video games or using the computer for a week or two.

There seems to be more children who don't have the same discipline anymore like they used to in the old days.

Answer 6

What method of discipline best works on any child will depend on that individual child's temperment and his/her reaction to stress, setting of boundaries, etc. I do not believe that one set way will work with every child. There is a new book, cannot remember the name, that tackles this issue and has received rave reviews..... Let's see if I can find it:

I couldn't find the book, but here is a link describing different temperments that may be helpful to you.

Answer 7

Try to behave like an intimate friend is the wisest way to discipline the child.

Answer 8

I totally agree that there is NO JUSTIFICATION to physically punish your child, especially since I believe that a kid's "wrong" behavior is either caused by them not knowing any better (yet) or by flaws in their upbringing and it seems unfair to punish them for their lack of world knowledge and their parents mistakes.
The only thing that's even worse than physical punishment, though, is making them feel unloved (i.e. that your love for them is conditional in so far that you only love them when they are "good").

Answer 9

i think you are right spanking the child will do no good...child's psychology is like they are not interested in doing things what we say...rather they are more keen on doing things what we do..suppose if we are watching TV and asking the child to study ,that will not work...so i think if we are desciplined there are more chances that they will also be desciplined.yes ofcourse when they are in good mood we can advise them,talk to them ,they will understand ...tell them the benefits of being desciplined..that will help a lot

Answer 10

dont think that would work my father tried that with my older brother and he wound up in jaol for 2 years. now a spankin would teach them cuz no one likes to get spanked plus it works i have memories of them up until i was 12 now im 18 they make u think bout your actions