How do I help my mother overcome being an alcoholic?

Question

She has tried hard but keeps failing. The conversations we have not lead to this and us yelling at each other. I usually end up calling her pathetic or some word of the sort. I feel so bad about this every time but I don't say sorry because this is the only thing that I can think of to help her. (tough love) I just graduated high school about a month ago so any help would be much appreciative.

Answer 1

well from a personal experience my mother has been an alcoholic since i was young...and I'm now 23 she has been hospitalized 2 times from this...she now has serosis of the liver....its been a none stop battle for years...my mom has been my best friend i love her more than anything....and seeing her do this is the hardest thing...so i know what your going through...but theres really nothing that you can do if she doesnt want to stop...she has to be ready otherwise it will never work...i have called my mother some words too tough love is hard and hurts the both of you...but it effect everyone differently....you just have to constantly talk to her...tell her how you feel and how her drinking makes you feel...let her know that your there for her whenever she needs you...tell her whenever she feels the need to drink to call you or come and talk to you instead of drinking.....it may not work but its your mother and its worth a try....never give up on her....never turn your back...love her and try everything in your power to help her....i really wish you and your mother the best....i know its hard on you her drinking effects you just as much as her....keep your head up and never ever loose faith or loose hope with your mother...keep your head up sweetie

Answer 2

I have a sister that is what people call a "recovering" alcoholic and I find the best way to deal is to realize that #1 you cannot change her or save her. #2 there is no "recovering" alcoholic. I believe by admitting "I am an alcoholic" that the word itself is "bad" to the point that no one wants to be classified as such. If you accept that she is an alcoholic then maybe you can understand her better. You see when we get into deep conversations we try so hard to make the other person understand that we ourself do not. Put yourself in an alcoholics shoes and see their life then speak. By constantly saying "Why cant you..." or "Why do you.." or "How can you..." the answer is always the same. "I dont know..." take away the sober person in you and imagine for once you as an alcoholic and see how easy the answers and solutions come to you. It is not easy and very aggrivating but we must place ourselves in their shoes. Good luck and I am praying for you.

Answer 3

I am so sorry to read this.. I think you love your mother. I think a lot of people will answer this (and probably have some pretty good advice) as a lot of it goes on. My father was an alcoholic til the day he died and I think it's what did him in. I was powerless to do anything about it. (I think.. so was he.) I know you feel bad (you've got to) about the yelling, the names. Hope this doesn't happen too often. Are there only the 2 of you living there? Does she work (probably..) well she must be sort of watching what she does w/the alcohol as she's got a job. You are too young (well, to ME you are.. ha.. everybody is. hell, I'm 53/F) to mentally beat yourself up over this. You should forgive yourself for yelling and perhaps her for her addiction. (I can't say her 'weakness' as a LOT of 'strong people' succumb to drink.) She needs more help than you can give her. You must know about Alcoholics Anonymous and the like. (She won't go?) You need someone more her age to talk to her about joing up somewhere like this. (I hope you live in a large enough city for it.. I guess AA's everywhere tho.) well, g'luck.. later Melancholia

Answer 4

If your mother wants to overcome her addiction then she needs the supernatural help that comes from a saving relationship with God through Jesus Christ. If a person just tries to stop drinking without filling in the void in their life they are like this person that Jesus spoke about.

"When the unclean spirit has gone out of a person, it passes through waterless places seeking rest, but finds none. Then it says, 'I will return to my house from which I came.' And when it comes, it finds the house empty, swept, and put in order. Then it goes and brings with it seven other spirits more evil than itself, and they enter and dwell there, and the last state of that person is worse than the first. So also will it be with this evil generation."
Matthew 12:43-45

The person quits drinking and they don't have anything to take it's place. They miss the deceptive comfort that alcohol provides and they don't have any hope or purpose for their life other than to abstain from drinking. Soon the "spirit" of alcoholism comes knocking on the door of their life that has been temporarily cleaned up and the person is worse off than when they quit because the disease keeps getting worse and they feel even more hopeless because they have a record of failure to haunt them.

But when a person accepts Jesus as their Savior they get a whole new start on life. The Holy Spirit gives them power to overcome temptation and instead of just living a life with nothing to look forward to but trying to stay sober until it's time to die they gain an eternal perspective and have the precious promises that God makes to all who will turn to Him to look forward to.

There's a link on my site called Setting Captives Free that can help alcoholics and drug addicts overcome these fatal attractions. Here's the link... http://web.express56.com/~bromar/ it's on the Free Stuff page.

Answer 5

You can be supportive all you want, but you may have to realize that this is beyond what you can help. Seek professional help with an alcohol and substance abuse therapist.

It sounds like she needs help from a trained professional, someone who can look at the situation objectively, and provide a treatment plan. Alcoholism is a disease and it should be treated by someone who has a better understanding of it.

Good Luck!

Answer 6

Unfortunately, you have to deal with the fact that you can't "save" your mother. She has to do it herself. I highly recommend attending some Al-Anon meetings for the families of alcoholics. They can give you some tools and insight into coping with this. For your own sake, you may need to move out and cut off contact with your mother until she can pull it together. The folks at Al-Anon can help you decide on this too. I wish you the best of luck and I'm truly sorry you have to go through this!

Answer 7

My dad was an alcoholic. I hated his drinking. When he was sober he was so sweet but when he got to drinking I hated him.
My mom tried to get him to go to AA but he wouldn't. So she took all of us kids to the meetings. It helped us understand a little and I was around other teens that knew what I was talking about. The meetings really helped me. Go to the meetings if just for a little while. The people are so nice and they all know exactly what you are dealing with and talking about. Good luck.

Answer 8

Talk to your mom and tell her how much you love her - tell her you just want to help her. Is she in a program like AA? If she isn't you should start getting her to go to meetings - she needs a support system. If you can get her into counseling that would probably help too. Just be supportive and non-judgemental, her journey to get sober might take a while, but she needs to know you are there and you love her.

Answer 9

Go to Al-anon. It may seem weird, but you have to help yourself---not her!! You can't stop someone with an alchohol problem from drinking..... if any one could--- we wouldn;t have so many treatment centers, and still so many alchoholics. She will stop whe she has decided to....only then can you help and support her. Al-anon, (or al-ateen if you;re younger) can help you figure out what you can do to be supportive to your mom until she decides its a problem she'll work on. It also helps support you if she doesn't make that choice. Try it. Go six times, to different meetings before you decide that it's not for you. It cant hurt, and it helps so many people. It helped me come to terms with alchoholics in my life, and I learned to love them whether or not they chose to drink, and how to separate myself in a loving way if I could not accept their behaviors. Good luck, and remember, only she can decide to get help--- you cannot cure an alchoholic, so don't beat yourself up!!!

Answer 10

well first you should always remember is easier said than done. and belive me prayer does work its just a fact that you have to belive. another thing would be to limit her sources. remove sertain things that she can drink. and if you know that she has the drink annd happens to fall asleep empty the drink and keep it away. sometimes its just not enough to talk but to be there and set a warm bath and keep her there with you. and also call her and check on her at work keep her mind off the taste and on you.