How do I stop spanking?

Question

I have a 2 1/2 year old boy and I have been spanking like crazy lately... Time outs have worked for all our other problems, except his listening! Everytime I tell him to do, or not to do something, he either does it anyway (if I said not to) or tells me NO (if I told im to do something). How do I get him to LISTEN?!

Answer 1

Are there any new changes in his life? If so, give him a little bit more support and love.

Spanking is a form of punishment, not a way to discipline a child. Stop using time out. Time out and spanking only cause resentment and are shaming to a child. Time outs are a way for you to control your child but not a way for a child to learn self-control.

Try and use logical consequences whenever possible. Taking away a toy or privileges when your son misbehaves is not a logical consequence. Taking away a toy if he throws it or is destructive with it is logical. These are some other examples of logical consequences. If he makes a mess, he cleans it. If he breaks a toy, it goes in the trash. If he damages something in the home, money comes out of his piggy bank or he earns money doing things around the house to pay for the damages. Let the punishment fit the crime.

Another technique you can try when he is misbehaving is this. As soon as he misbehaves, get down to his level and say "I don't like when you (explain what and why)." Take him gently by the hand and put him in a spot in your home (his room, the couch.) Say "When you're ready to (listen, stop, behave) then you can come back with me." This is not a time out because you are not giving a time limit (you controlling him). He returns when he's ready to control himself. You may have to take him back to the spots a few times before he gets the message. Thank him when he behaves. Keep it up!

Find ways to help him learn to express himself. Say things like "I can tell that you are (upset, angry, mad, hurt, frustrated). What can we do about that?"

Notice him when he is not misbehaving. Say things like "You worked on that for a long time! Look how high you can climb! You used so many colors on that picture!" These are intrinsic motivators rather than extrinsic rewards ("Good job," stickers, candy). These phrases are great confidence builders.

Set limits, follow through, and offer choices, not chances. "No" should mean "No" the first time you say it. Say "Yes" as much as possible. Be patient and consistent. Good luck!

Answer 2

That's just his age. My son will be 3 in a couple of weeks and I've been going through that for the last year it seems like. Instead of spanking him, make him go, or carry him to his room. Put him on the bed, and tell him if he doesn't change whatever it is that he's doing, he'll stay right there by himself, with nothing to do. Then leave the room and shut the door. Yes, he'll come out, but be persistent with him. He'll get the picture and eventually stop. If he cries while he's in there, don;t let him out until he stops. When he is ready to come out and be good, get on your knees so you're at his level and tell him nicely but sternly that he needs to apologize and tell him what for so he knows what he's done wrong. This is the only thing that worked with mine. And after a year of doing it, magically, it still does. Spanking will do nothing but show him that it's okay to hit, which is the last thing you want him to think at 2-3 years old.

Answer 3

well if your spanking the diaper, there is little to no punishment getting through. Go for the legs. But don't use so much force to hurt them. Just givem a little slap, it should actually make more noise that pain. it's the sound that seems to work.

Side note: Rumors of the US Government is working on using sounds and smells to fight the enemy? They claim to have a sound that will stike the fear of God in anyone and cause them to run screaming in horror, there also a rumor of a scent that is so vile it can cause the enemy to stop fighting and to run away or begin projectile vomiting.

How cool is that? The idea of a war with ZERO US troop deaths.

Anyways, just thought that would be a neat trick on kids. Something that would scare them into behaving and causes no harm.

Answer 4

Ah the terrible 2's! This is normal at this age because they are testing the limits that they can do in life. Too much spanking is wrong and too little is wrong too. You need to get their attention to get them to listen.

Sometimes the best way to handle it is to move the child into another room or different part of the room and get them interested in something else.

Remember their attention span is very limited. If you can them thinking about something else you will have some peace of mind at least for a while!

Do NOT lose patience or let it control you. They will grow out of that stage and if you handled it correctly you will have a better kid for it.

Answer 5

i agree with what was said previously about HAVING to act strictly and immediately. you probably spank too much and in the wrong way. next time he screams NO at you, show him mom means business. take his diaper off and give him a spanking he'll remember, don't stop till he's absolutely wailing. after this, shortly (his attention span cant be that big at 2) rehash what just happened and why. stress that this WILL happen again if he does not listen in the future. afterwards he'll be very impressed for a while, and you'll see that all you need to do is remind him of the spanking he got and he'll calm down. it works for my kids!

oh and btw, spanking isnt about the pain you inflict, its about the ritual and the humiliation. kids hate it , so if you combine it with a few minutes of corner time in which they know what they have to look forward to, and a stern talking to straight after it, trust me, they will WANT to avoid it!

Answer 6

He is definitely listening, he's just testing you. Right now he is learning emotions for example, anger, and even from his mom, anger is an exciting emotion, not necessarily fun but he's just testing the boundaries. My girls do the exact same, I would get so mad at having to repeat myself that I resorted to spanking, and it didn't work either, once I realized that unless they were actually doing something harmful to themselves or other things in the house or wherever, there was really no need to spank them. He'll eventually learn that NO really does mean NO.

Answer 7

If you keep spanking him, he will actually become more distanced to you, like when he is older and he made a mistake he will be scared to tell you. Gain your sons love and trust. Kids are very complex sometimes, maybe you should try to sit him down and talk to him. Or, you can always give him time out, and make him stand infront a wall for 10 minutes.

Answer 8

Ok, first, consider what you are asking. You are trying to reason with a toddler? If you tell him to stop doing something and he says "no", then physically pick him up and make him stop doing it. "No" is every toddlers favorite word, he is testing you to see what you will do. And please do no take the advice of the other poster who suggests you hit your child in the face. That is NOT the answer. I do believe in spanking, when used correctly it is a very effective parenting tool. But I believe you may be over using it.

Answer 9

Spanking doesn't hurt enough. If he talks back, bust him in the mouth immediately. Try to connect before he even finishes saying 'no'.

You only have to do this a couple of times and he'll wise up quick. In the future, you'll just have to raise your voice to get him to obey. Better to bust his chops now than bail him out later. When the Bible says 'rod', it means ROD, not spank.

You should also carry on like he just flushed your car keys. Scare the hell out of him. Yell loud enough so he thinks you're insane. Make a big deal out of the little deals, and you won't have any big deals.

Shock and ow!

Answer 10

be firm but not angry. It is very important to have a certain 'firm' voice when he does something wrong. He won't listen right away, but if you show the same reaction everytime, he will finall come round to understand the right from whong. In child caring, consistincy is the most important.