I'm 17 and my parents grounded me for bein a lesbian. What can I do?

Question

Ok, I've been grounded for 5 months from EVERYTHING! They even took my vehicle I paid for and they are trying to sell it. Mom kicked me out and I'm having to live with my Dad (who I've never lived with completely.) I have 5 more months til I'm 18. What can I do until then to prove that it's ok that I'm a lesbian? Do they think grounded me will change me? The only places I can go is to school and work. I don't deserve this. I'll be a Senior when school starts back and school is gonna suck because I won't be able to hang out. I love my girlfriend so much and it sucks that I can' see her.....it's so sad. We have plans to move in together in November though! Whoot Whoot! I can' wait! `*`I love VP`*`

Answer 1

Well some parents are "old fashioned" and being a lesbian is probably hard for them to understand. Most people think that it is a choice but truth be told you are born with it....does that make you a bad person? No of course not...but to them "it is not normal...get over it and change.." so this is their way of doing that....soon enough they will realize they can't change you...no matter wat they do...you are who you are.....so let them know that..and keep on doing it...i mean at the end of the day they are going to have to accept it whether they like it or not..

Answer 2

Depending on where you live, there should be a gay and lesbian society to help you talk to both of your parents. I am straight, but have a family member who is gay. It took my parents awhile to accept what they had already known to be true.

Find some community resources. If there are none, check on-line. Remember that many parents when they discover their daughter is sexually active react by grounding and restricting. It is compounded by sexual orientation. If you had been talking about moving in with a boy right after graduation, your mom would probably have reacted the same.

There may also be a counselor in your area who can help you and your family come to terms with letting you be who you are. There are religious counselors (if that is a concern) who will NOT condemn your life style. Best thing to remember is that while you have had a few years to come to terms with your orientation, your parents have not. Give them time. And remember that love that is true lasts. If you and your girlfriend are truly meant for each other, you'll come together without sneaking out and garnering more parental anger.

Good luck!

Answer 3

Wow, thats a heavy duty punishment huh? So much for being honest eh? Well, I don't know what to say about this but I think your parents are wrong. Try talking to your parents about this again and see if they will lift the grounding since you have been down for 5 months already and you need their love and support, you are still the same person, still their daughter, still a good person, and you need transportation for school and work. Some folks dont understand and i would be upset if my son was gay but I think I would still help him and not treat him badly. Sorry about all of this. Hang in there and hopefully things will get better for you........

Answer 4

I agree with Coloryst ... act like you were wrong ... you're not really a lesbian, it was just a phase ... you were "experimenting" and you see how much it hurts the people you love, so you won't do it anymore ... you're soooo sorry! :) Lie your a-ss off girl. Your parents are being jerks ... discriminating, unfair, unLOVING jerks. They may think they know what's best for you and don't want you growing up gay in this society that can be so cruel to gay people. They may just be embarassed. Either way, you're old enough to know your own feelings.

I'm not gay myself, and I really don't understand it, but the last thing I would ever do is turn my back on my children for being gay. You love and SUPPORT your children, no matter what. I had to stop being friends with a black girl when I was young because of the same crap. My parents didn't like blacks ... don't let your parents be the reason you miss out on happiness.

Answer 5

First of all they probably didn't ground for being a lesbian. Its probably something deeper than that. Something you need to sit down with them and talk to them about and listen. Don't just hear what you want to hear. I mean maybe it stems from your orientation, but its not just about that. It never is. Trust me I've been there. Do yourself a favor though, talk to them, and even if you get upset don't yell at them or interupt them. Try to be like super adult. Usually when parents do crazy stuff like this they're just trying to protect you and do what they feel is best. Sometimes what they feel isn't the right thing, but if you don't talk to them about, like really talk to them then how are they going to find that out? The biggest problem in situations like yours is talking about whats going on and not letting everything turn into a yelling match. If you don't yell odds are they wont. Like if they start yelling and you don't yell back and freak out on them or anything you should be okay, and vice versa, don't start yelling at them.

And even if you can't work things out over all this just remember there are some bridges you don't want to burn. I learned that one the hard way.

Plus how many times have they been through they're daughter being like suprise I'm in love with a girl before? I mean really. It's not like they know exactly what to do. you didn't come with a big old directions book or anything.

Besides do you know why they feel the way they feel? I mean maybe they're feelings are the right ones and they're just approaching the situation the wrong way. The best thing to do is to start by calling your mom. Sometimes its easier to talk about things on the phone because you aren't face to face.

Its important that you don't let the situation get out of control. If things don't improve why not suggest something like family counseling... I know it sounds stupid and all that, but things like that can help everyone deal.

Answer 6

Just act like the grounding worked and you have decided you aren't a lesbian any more. Say that you are sorry for upsetting them and that you see now that you were obviously wrong. Hopefully you will get your car back and everything else and then when you move out you can tell them again when they don't have any controll over you. You go girl!! Best wishes

Answer 7

This is about you, not them.

If they are open to talking, even just one of them, let them know that this does not say anything about their parenting or them as people.

This is about who you are. You love them and would like them in your life and want their support.

Tell them you understand how they were raised, what their belief system is and that you respect that.

What they are doing to you is irrational. They are only worried about what the "neighbors" will think or say and how your sexual preferance will reflect on them. That doesn't make them bad people. They are who they are just like you are who you are. They had no control how they were raised and what they were taught.

You do not have to react to their insecurities. They are not yours, so let them be.

I'd like to share something with you (if it doesn't fit the link to my blog is below):

The Paradoxical Commandments
by Kent Keith


1. People are unreasonable, illogical and self-centered. Love them anyway.

2. If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Do good anyway.

3. If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies. Succeed anyway.

4. The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.

5. Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable. Be honest and frank anyway.

6. The biggest person with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest person with the smallest mind. Think big anyway.

7. People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs. Fight for a few underdogs anyway.

8. What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight. Build anyway.

9. People really need help but may attack if you help them. Help people anyway.

10. Give the world the best you have and you might get kicked in the teeth. Give the world the best you've got anyway.

Best of Luck to YOU!

You will get through this!

The choice is yours to go through this kicking & fighting for your rights or go through this holding your head up high like a women of honor and dignity and comfortable in your own skin whether others are or aren't.


Jean

Answer 8

Chances are thet're mostly in shock, and dealing with this the only way they know how. Our parents grew up different from us, and they're trying to teach us what they believe is best. 17 is pretty early to be sure about your preferances but you have to be true to your heart. At the same time, your family is really important. So if you can, be strong and patient and try to understand. If this love is the real thing it will hold out till things settle down.

Answer 9

Maybe your parents are handling this badly because what you are doing is against nature. God created man and then woman. Maybe you should read your bible there are many references to this abomination in the eyes of God and honey He is the only one that counts, man is nothing I would rather live a life believing in God and Jesus and be wrong than not I believe there is a hell and I do not want to go and you should seek help being gay is a choice like drinking or smoking it is not inborn I will pray for you repent and you can be saved

Answer 10

You need to talk to them. What are they going to do, ground you for the rest of your life?! That's just crazy. Let them know that grounding you isn't going to change anything. You will always be a lesbian. It's not a choice that you made. They overreacted and probably aren't sure how to process the information.