My mom is disabled and lives with me. I support her because she cannot work and recieves no assistance. We have had a very rough family life (sister, brother, father with drug problems, as well as bankruptcy and foreclosure of my parents house) but I have been there for my family in everything, emotionally and financially. Now, I am pregnant by an ex- boyfriend. I decided to have the baby, and she is pissed. I have a great job, and I make decent money, but she is so mad, she won't even talk to me about it. I try to tell her about my doctor's appointments and stuff like that and she tells me she doesn't want to hear about it. At a time when I need my family, esp. my mom, she is ignoring the situation. Is it wrong for me to be upset?
2006-06-16 12:50:56 · 30 answers · asked by msuewill23 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
Let me see if I understand this. You are supporting your mother and providing her with a place to live and she is giving you the silent treatment because you are going to be an unwed mother???? If I may be so bold, I think you should sit Mom down and tell her that you will live your life any way that you see fit. She does not have to approve, but you WILL NOT TOLERATE her belittling you, arguing about this choice or anything else. If she wants to discuss it, that's one thing, but to mistreat you in your OWN home is unacceptable and if she just can't keep from doing it, she needs to look into another way to house and feed herself. I know you love your mother, but, in a sense, you have become the parent in this situation. As Dr. Phil says, you teach people how to treat you. You are paying the bills. I don't care what anyone says, that gives you certain rights, one of which is not to be abused in your own home. You don't have to be a bitc*, but you need to explain your position to your mother in no uncertain terms. For God's sake, she should be offering to babysit for you! You sound like a wonderful daughter and I give you major props for that. I wish you the very best of luck and my guess is, you'll be the best mom ever! Love ya, sweetie!
2006-06-16 13:04:27 · answer #1 · answered by olelady55 3 · 6⤊ 0⤋
You are right to be upset. This should be a very happy time and it is overshadowed by all these other problems in your life. Remember that you are making a big decision and that no matter what its your decision. Your mother is upset because she probably is afraid that you wont be able to focus as much attention on her or maybe she feels that you wont be able to handle all this responsibility. Talk to your mother, thats the only thing you can do. Remind her that you will always be there for her, but now you need to be there for your baby as well. If she doesn't accept it just accept that. Remember its not about anyone else right now its about you and your decision to have your baby, and that is truly the best feeling in the world.
Congratulations:0) and good luck
2006-06-16 12:58:35 · answer #2 · answered by coco_k22 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why is she upset with you?? I t sounds like she is scared of losing you. As soon as your young child is born there will be no more room in your life for her as there surly is now. You say that there was a problem with drugs in the family's past?? Is there a possibility she fears for herself being taken care of by those people?? I know you mentioned the ex?? If he's an ex than he must of turned out to be a loser after all. Maybe she fears you being alone and raising your child. Please try to think of all the possibilities in this situation. I'm not asking you to have sympathy towards your mother but consider the facts only you can determine. I must credit you for all the marvelous things you are doing. Taking care of her, giving a child the chance to experience life and the many joys that follow. Trust your heart and know that wisdom will and time will mend all needed.
2006-06-16 13:56:54 · answer #3 · answered by reincarnated/beauty 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you have every right to be upset! Your mom is about to be a grandmother...she should be ecstatic. Not to mention that it sounds like you're supporting her completely, and are the only one of her children who amounted to anything. Maybe it's a case of jealousy on her part...she's had you all to herself for so long, and now there's going to be a baby in the way. Are you her youngest child? Maybe it's a case of her baby having a baby, and she's feeling old? How far long are you? If you just found out, hopefully as time passes she'll warm up to the idea. I know once she sees the baby, she'll melt. :)
I wouln't press the issue with her...if she's ignoring it, she's doing so for a reason. Probably sorting things out in her head and just needs some time. Whatever you do, take care of YOURSELF and your BABY. Right now, you two are the most important people in this picture, and stressing and freaking out isn't going to help anything. Just chill for a while as far as sharing the news of OB visits, etc. Pretend that you're not pregnant (when it comes to her. With everyone else, share away! lol) and she'll come around when she's ready.
2006-06-16 15:30:25 · answer #4 · answered by brevejunkie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mom sounds like she is making herself out to be a victim all the time. What she is doing to you right now is very unfair. It's emotionally draining on you, that is wrong. Regardless of her disability, you are still her daughter, and she owes you the respect of talking to you about your pregnancy and realizing you are an adult making your own decisions.
Next time she says she doesn't want to hear about it, tell her tough, she better get used to hearing about her grandchild, and she is damned lucky to have one on the way. Keep talking.. and talking....and talking... wait until she sees the ultrasound, that might just turn her around. If it's your attention she is worried about losing, well, that was going to happen anyway, with a man or baby, sooner or later.
Good luck kiddo, I hope she wakes up, shes missing an amazing time for any Grandma to be!
2006-06-16 13:00:19 · answer #5 · answered by barefeet561 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's only natural to be upset. This is your child, her grandchild. I think that she is placing her anger on you because of your family's current situation. That's not right. You didn't cause her to be disabled and you didn't cause the drug problems and other problems. You deserve happiness just like everyone else and that is what your child will bring you. If she can't accept that then maybe it is time for a change. Hopefully she will come around by the time that the baby is born.
2006-06-16 12:58:57 · answer #6 · answered by Christy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your mom is wrong - after all you have done for her, she should be there for you too. Even if you had never done a single thing for her, she should be there for you, that is part of being a mom. While she can be disappointed and upset, she shouldn't be ignoring you or the situation. I hope things take a turn for the better for you - have a baby is a wonderful joy and I am glad that you are taking care of your child, even if you are no longer with the father. I am proud of your decision, even if your mom isn't!
2006-06-16 13:24:28 · answer #7 · answered by pammy_6201 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course you're not wrong... but try to see it from our Mom's point of view... You said it yourself that you have a great job with decent money. What is going to happen to that job when you have the baby ?! No parent can ever be happy with their daughter having a baby out of wedlock. You won't either if you are ever in her shoes. A lot is said about 'marriage' nowadays most of it negative... as if it is avant garde or modern or 'cool' to knock marriage. However marriage has and will ALWAYS have a PURPOSE... security for the children, security for the wife and to an equal extent to the husband. If my kid has a child out of wedlock I will not be pissed off.... I will be DEAD WORRIED.
2006-06-16 13:12:44 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do feel that your mother is being a tad bit childish. What mother in her right mind wouldn't see your pregnancy as a blessing and a gift from God. Her pushing you away is not going to change the fact that she will soon have a beautiful grandchild to love with all of her heart and soul. You have supported her and for that she should be grateful. There are many children who don't even speak to their parents let alone financially and emotionally support them.
2006-06-16 13:09:58 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No it is not wrong for you to be upset as you are helping your mother right now and you deserve to be shown a bit of recognition and respect. She should definitely be there for you now that even though you do not need her but want her support. You should start telling how much you have done for her how much you have been there for her.
Good luck with everything and hang in there
2006-06-16 20:09:05 · answer #10 · answered by mysr28 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋