parents help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1?

Question

my 5 year old son was caught w/ his male cousin playing w/ each other if you know what i mean. this was last year. i whooped him and told him not to do it again. he has done it twice since then. i have whooped him both times also. it is not working. we thought he had quit, but he was caught yesterday. what is wrong with him and how do i handle it? i have explained why it wrong, and knows it is wrong, but says it feels good and likes it. now i am not worried about him being gay, i just know this is not good boy or girl. i am sick over it. and know he has not been molested. he hasn't been anywhere or w/ anyone to where that could happen. mothers, fathers, counselors, help me please.

he is 5. i didn't start masterbating till i was 12. his cousin is the same age and each time it has been a different child. he is the one starting it.

Answer 1

Five year olds are still learning by trial and error; he is a victim of 'if it feels good do it'. He needs for you to speak with him privately about his behavior. Although there were no other adults present, it does not mean that someone grown-up is not indirectly responsible. Has the cousin seen grown-ups engaging in heavy petting activities? Which child suggested it to the other? How many times has it happened? Explain to him that it is part of your 'job' as a parent to teach him right from wrong. The behavior is not correct for children; it is not unamiously acceptable for adults, either. Perhaps having him speak with a psychologist [not psychiatrist] about the matter would enable a grown-up to reinforce your dislike of the behavior.

Unless he has a learning or behavior problem, a five year old is capable of listening and understanding simple statements if the statements are explained. This may need to be repeated a time or two because they are notorious testers of our fortitude. He needs to begin developing other interests such as hobbies or craft activities, as well as, physical activities such as bike riding and testing his 'running' speed. Having a pet may help him depend less on his cousin to play with. Even a fish provides a sense of responsibility and he may respect your role of a provider more as a result of it.

He may need to have a question and answer session with you about his physical appearance. Boys and girls are often intrigued by their gender differences. They were playing hide and peek in 2nd grade at my school. Although, most outgrow it and I was too dignified to participate, educators will atest to the fact because they are taught to disregard it as a part of self-discovery. Speak with his teacher if he is a student. Ask if she has ever observed him or others exposing themselves to one another. I believe that she or he may be able to address your concerns in such a way as to help you to feel less frustrated about the situation.

He's your boy; forgive him his self-interest. He should outgrow it in a year or two. Tell it on him in front of someone whom he shows respect for; and, he will drop it 'right quick' although he may resent you for betraying his 'secret' for years. Good luck and remember that it is a common thing for youngster to do.

Answer 2

Well the first suggestion that I have is for you to severely limit his private time until this phase stops or at least slows down. Also, is his cousin his little best friend? Becasue I think he does it with his cousin because it is his friend NOT because he is gay. Stop "whooping" him, it will only make things worse. He is only 5 so I would keep more of an eye on him..and maybe next time tell him that what he is doing is private and it is wrong for him to be doing it with his cousin. Tell him that that is what a man and a woman do together when they are old and married. Just keep him with in your sight as much as possible and then just keep telling him your rules over and over and over each time it comes up...dont be too negative and angry, be understanding

Answer 3

For the most part, that's normal. Then secondly, find the ROOT of where he got that idea from in the first place. Did he catch and older adult or teen doing it? Who does he play with (Interact)?

As far as making him stop, I don't believe a 5 year old can fully understand that "wrongness"...like he said "it feels good". Perhaps finding ways to explain that these things aren't exceptable (regardless of what anyone else thinks....) and it's not something that people do for x, y, and z reasons...but do it on HIS level. He is your son and he lives in your house under your values, so you have to make that decision. It may take him some time but eventually he will get it.

Then also, it may be something will eventually cease to exist. But all little boy's go through that at one time or another. I don't know, I'm not a man. I hope this helps...good luck.

Answer 4

I'm a mom with two kids. And while I haven't been in this particular situation, all the reading and talking about children I've done over the years has led me to believe that this is really about experimentation and exploration at this age. I wouldn't use the words "it's wrong" to him or "whoop" him, which might give him the wrong message about masturbation and/or sex, but I would be honest and say that while, yes, it feels good to be touched there, that his penis is a private body part that isn't to be shared with others until he's old enough. Maybe you could tell him it's ok for him to touch it in private, but not for other people to do so. I know, it's really hard being a parent, isn't it?

Answer 5

This is NORMAL. Most kids do this at some point and while you may want to stop the behavior, do not make him feel ashamed of it. They don't understand, and you should never start your kids off feeling ashamed of their bodies. My son did this around that age and it lasted only a short time. Avoid the situation in the first place. Just dont' leave kids unattended until you know he is old enough to understand why it's no acceptable.....which should be around 6 years old or so. Also.... think of this.....you are already laying the groundwork for the future.....if he has questions about his body or sexuality, don't you want him to feel comfortable coming to you when the time comes? Ask him now if there's any questions he would like to know or if you can help him understand his feelings more.

Answer 6

Keep in mind that lots of children do this at a young age (like it or not)--this doesn't make yours a bad child.

My advice:
1) Quit hitting you kid, dammit!! It doesn't matter how bad a thing he's done, violence doesn't fix anything, it can only make things worse.

2) Ask a doctor or psychologist what you should do (does a good parent REALLY go to Yahoo! Answers to get parenting advice??? God Forbid!)

3) Don't ever assume that you know whether a child has been molested or not. Most kids don't parade that fact around if it does happen (and most molestations are committed by a family member or close friend).

Answer 7

Okay, he is 5 years old for heaven's sake. This is not a beating offense. You need to sit down and talk to him about personal space and if you are unable to resolve this problem you need to speak with his doctor to see if there is anything they can advise...You say he has not been molested, but what about the other child? How can you be sure? I was molested at 5 by a teenage neighbor and didn't tell ANYONE until I was 36 years old. Children are not always willing to spill their guts. I was afraid the boy who did this to me was going to kill my older brother (which is what he told me he would do)...I am not trying to scare you, I'm just letting you know that things do happen and that your family doctor or pediatrician can help you determined whether or not and if not then he can give you advice!!!

Answer 8

Bringing another child into the situation is a whole different kettle of fish than doing it to himself. You don't know how the other parents may react. I got caught playing with my brother as a young child, and the shock of being caught took away any temptation to EVER try it again. Make him play in common areas, not in his bedroom. One of my daughters was molested at age two and a half several times at church by a teen helper who "took her to the bathroom". She was so young she didn't even have the words to express what happened, she just said ____ did peepees to me--whatever that means. The point is, her world was small and I would never have thought her in danger, but it does happen. Not saying it did to your son.

Answer 9

At this age, it is VERY natural for children to be fascinated by their own bodies and the bodies of others. My daughter was definitely curious when she was 5. Try talking to him and find out why he keeps on engaging in this behavior. Explain why it is not acceptable. Have a discussion about private parts and the how the only people who should be seeing and/or touching these parts are his parents when they are helping him take a bath, get dressed etc, and his doctor in the course of an appropriate examination. But please don't yell or spank him for this...you will give him a complex about it, especially if he doesn't know WHY it is wrong.

Answer 10

TALK TO A CHILD BEHAVIOR SPECIALIST before you get angry and disgusted or something
may be is something comes with the curiosity of the age when kids discovers there own special body parts
i have 2 grown up boys ,i never had this problem specially but the oldest from age 4 ''was in love '' with all the blond nice little girls in the neighborhood
what did he mean i never fined ed out
and now is a healthy nice young man girls are dieing for him

Answer 11

Homeschooling isn't for actually everyone. the faculty platforms are so diverse counting on your area that i hit upon it humorous someone can generalize that they are dumbed down. in any case, I agree that pestering her will probable no longer paintings. Has she ever toured the faculty or talked to the imperative there? perchance she will be prepared to attempt this. perchance she has some misconceptions about the faculty gadget there. in the intervening time, what would help you no longer get depressed? Are there any instructions or instructions you would prefer to take the position you'd be round little ones your age? perchance an paintings classification, swimming instructions, dance classification. Or are there activities you ought to get excited by? i in my opinion choose my daughter to bypass to varsity- she is 14 and does o.k.. I savor the "prepare" she receives at existence there. i don't think of it really is appropriate, yet i understand i'm no longer able to preparation her- really now. After a little while, i'd ask her in case you may communicate about it again and spot what her causes are for wanting to homeschool you. perchance you may have a authentic communique about it- because that there for sure wasn't one at the same time as she began to homeschool you.