I have 4 children. The 4th one is absolutely impossible no matter what I try it don't work. HELP!?

Question

He is three and just mean to the others I give him as much attention as I can but I don't know what else to do. If it is not his way he will go after the other children he screams uncontrollably. Any suggetions?

You do all understand that I do have 3 others that I have been very successful with. I do spank but don't beat I've tried time out, I will NOT go to a parenting class. Although I do agree I need a break once in a while. This child is just mean! He haas alot of his fathers tendencies when it comes to stubborness! His father is around!

Ok....one correction....he does not scream like throwing a fit, it's more like out of the blue like a wild banchee indian or something?!?!?

Answer 1

hmm....he is three, therefore he should be old enough to understand....my family always used cains to hit their children, and it does work because the kids get scared everytime they see the cain....but if you're against hitting your kids, then do what my pastor's wife does....she puts her 2 year old in a room, and lets her scream and cry until she calms down....every once in a while, she opens the door and asks her daughter if she has calmed down already? and if she hasn't, then she will continue to leave her in that room...it works, because her daughter does eventually calm down and is able to talk to her mom....my pastor's wife is one of the most loving mothers I know....I hope this technique helps.....

Answer 2

Don't time out. They only cause resentment and are shaming to a child. Time outs are a way for you to control your child but not a way for a child to learn self-control. Try and use logical consequences whenever possible. Taking away a toy or privileges when your son misbehaves is not a logical consequence. Taking away a toy if he throws it or is destructive with it is logical. These are some other examples of logical consequences. If he makes a mess, he cleans it. If he breaks a toy, it goes in the trash. If he damages something in the home, money comes out of his piggy bank or he earns money doing things around the house to pay for the damages. Let the punishment fit the crime.

Another technique you can try when he is misbehaving is this. As soon as he misbehaves, get down to his level and say "I don't like when you (explain what and why)." Take him gently by the hand and put him in a spot in your home (his room, the couch.) Say "When you're ready to (play gently, listen, stop, behave) then you can come back with me." This is not a time out because you are not giving a time limit (you controlling him). He returns when he's ready to control himself. You may have to take him back to the spots a few times before he gets the message. Thank him when he behaves. Keep it up!

You can also give him a place to scream (a pillow). Take him to this place when he starts up and say "You can scream here. Come back when you're finished." Also let him know that you do not want to be around him when he does this.

Find ways to help him learn to express himself instead of lashing out. Say things like "I can tell that you are (upset, angry, mad, hurt, frustrated). What can we do about that?"

Notice him when he is not misbehaving. Say things like "You worked on that for a long time! Look how high you can climb! You used so many colors on that picture!" These are intrinsic motivators rather than extrinsic rewards ("Good job," stickers, candy). These phrases are great confidence builders and great ways to show attention.

Set limits, follow through, and offer choices, not chances. "No" should mean "No" the first time you say it. Say "Yes" as much as possible. Be patient and consistent. Good luck!

Answer 3

being a mother of 4 with a two year old as the baby i understand somewhat of what you are going through. my two year may not be as bad as your 4th but he does have his moments. maybe you are giving too much attention. he gets all the attention he wants whether he is good or bad. maybe try to separate him from everyone when he starts his uncontrollable ways with no attention at all. this will not only hopefully make him realize he is not getting what he wants, which is attention, but you are keeping the others safe. the last thing you want to do is focus so much attention on your 4th that your other children begin to start the same behavior because they are lacking what they need from you and figure the only way to get it is to start misbehaving themselves. hope this helps and good luck.

Answer 4

be loud and direct let him know ur talking to him and only him... be mean just like him... get on his case for everthing he does... keep an eye on him to make sure u can catch him before he does... when he starts to cry and scream put him in the room byhimself then leave... if hes screaming turn up the radio or tv and let him know he is not annoying u after a while he'll give up... be strick make him do work ... pick up toys while ur other kids are doing something like coloring... when he does do good things tell him ur proud of him but dont spoil him and give him a reward... let him know it dont get that good and ur still gonna be strict... and oh yeah bug him alot... after a while he'll tired of u and keep quit to keep from attracting ur attention.

Answer 5

I used to facilitate parenting classes--I joined because my 3 year old was very hard for me to parent.

The book we used is called Systematic Training for Effective Parenting, by Don Dinkmeyer. It's simple and the concepts work.

I recommend a parenting class just for your sanity--you'll have the support of others who are going thru the same things, and you can brainstorm with them about how to handle situations.

When you have control issues going on, imagine your son has a shirt on that says, "Give me choices!" When kids have choices within set parameters, it gives them a sense of control---and they have little control over anything, really.

The book gives you specific things to say and do (I really needed that)--and you'll find your stress level will decrease dramatically.)

I hope this helps.

Good luck!

Answer 6

Wow sounds like you need a break.You might want to consider seeing a doc.Time out is a good thing but you have to follow through if you tell him hes going to time out.Show him your in controll not him.

Answer 7

is the father of this child around offten?

if you would like me to give you some answers just email me at [e-mail]

<3

Answer 8

Get a dog that is meaner than him.
Teach it the command "sic".
(make sure it's a small dog) Unless you only want 3 kids.

Answer 9

Whip him.
If u just tell him "no" or "stop it", he will think "y should i stop?"
But whippin him will make him stop, he will think "ouch that hurts, i shouldn't do it anymore"
Parents have whipped their kids since the dawn of time, nothing is wrong with it.

Answer 10

This is a tough question and I would really need more details to give you a good answer. You are welcome to e-mail to discuss it further.