my 13 year old girl is so moody?

Question

i give her everyting she needs and she is just so moody and everyting is "whatever" and yesterday she told me to " shut up" what am i doing wrong as my 17 year old has never been like that. i told her she was grounded but i feel so guilty, why? i dont compare my daughters to one another. is it a time change thing as am desperate and dont know what to do. sometimes she is really sweet and dont tell me it is a hormone thing as its not as its most of the time!!

as for the person that said i should get the paddle to my child , no way i never did and will never spank my children thanks.

no im not a single parent either , the answers here bring a tear to my eyes, thanks all you guys for caring and being serious

Answer 1

Your poor daughter is going through huge changes and poor you are the safe person to take out the frustration on. I think its appropriate for you to sit her down and have a calm talk. Just state your case; you appreciate she is growing up, she wants to be treated more like an adult and you agree that its reasonable; and you want to be treated with respect the same as she does. You can tell her that you can both talk things over and reach a compromise, but you won't tolerate rudeness.
Say that you also have a responsibility to take into account her safety, so rules are their for her benefit not just to spoil her fun. Also offer her a deal; if she ever finds herself in a situation where she feels uncomfortable she is allowed to say "I'll have to check with my Mum" or "My Mum won't let me do that" so you get the blame for being uncool not her.
Our kids need to break away from us at some point or they'd still be dependant on us as adults, but at the same time they don't have the skills to handle it tactfully or with maturity!
I think you've had some good advice here and its been good to hear from people who are the same age as your daughter. I'd agree that you can now stop providing for her as if she were younger, she might feel a bit smothered. Ouch! Its ok for you to set her chores to do, and if she does them with good grace she earns her allowance.
You aren't doing anything wrong so don't feel guilty. You don't have to put up with being treated like something on the bottom of someone's shoe!
I'd really strongly recommend that you take up a new interest or hobby, and sign up for some part time classes at college. It would help your daughter to recognise you as someone other than Mum, and it will help your self esteem.

Answer 2

If it is any help, do you remember being 13? Peer pressure is very strong, you are worried about not fitting in. I remember that my mother did not approve of anything I did. Hormones are raging!

What did my parents do? ~They waited til I was in a receptive mood (it must have taken a while!) and asked what I wanted from them. After a long (and emotional) chat, we realised that I wanted to be treated like an adult, but had not realised that responsibilities came with it. For example, always telling my parents where I was, coming home on time (or letting them know why I would be late) and so on. In return, they promised not to pry into what I was doing.. Explain why her actions are wrong - but without being critical!

It took a long time and I did not fully appreciate my parents until I left home.

Is your daughter close to your husband/your 17 year old/a grandparent? Perhaps they could talk to her?


Your parents survived the teen years - you will too! Just remember to keep lines of communication open. You are learning why being a parent is the hardest job there is! Oh, and if there is a problem, NEVER say 'I told you so' - just help her through it!

Answer 3

Just like all people everywhere, there are personality differences. This is probably what you're experiencing. It is most likely being influenced as well by her peers (most people copy what they see or hear...especially young people).

Don't feel guilty about grounding her. Kids need to learn respect; while it's the adult's responsibility to teach respect, sometimes "tough love" is in order when the kinder methods don't work. No 13 year old should tell her parent to shut up!

Have you recently undergone a life-changing event in your household? Divorce, death in the family, change of jobs, recent move far away? All these things could be contributing and having an impact on her behavior.

Finally, you might consider some talks with her teachers, school counselors and/or friends' parents to see if her behavior is isolated to home or if it occurs all the time. As a final step, schedule a few visits with a counselor (mental health) and see if that doesn't help.

Answer 4

I wouldn't be a thirteen year old girl again for all the money in the world!

They believe: that no one could possibly understand them; the thoughts they are thinking have never been thought by anyone else ever in the history of the world; that their misery and angst has never been equalled; that the poetry they write (and they do) is the most profoundly moving ever, and deeper than most people could possibly understand.

Your guidance will have to be subtle and carefully worded - try to find a way of making her know you understand without actually saying that you do, because she won't believe you. You might try pulling out poetry or things you wrote at that same age, just to share with her. Casually talking about the injustices you felt you were victim to at that age, and perhaps how you learned differently later - again, very subtle is the key. You can't let her think you're trying to guide or teach her anything, or she'll shut down.

Good luck. Know that it DOES pass.

Answer 5

This is very normal behavior. 13 is a tough age. I remember being the same way, although I never told my parents to "shut up". I would have got smacked for that. Guess what? It is a hormonal thing. Her body is changing inside and out. Add peer pressure to the mix and it's no wonder she's moody. Do you remember 13? If so, talk to your daughter and tell her you understand what she's going through but that you don't deserve to be disrespected. Good luck to all of you.

Answer 6

Believe me, it is hormones, and she will get over it. Best thing I ever did was to sit down and watch a compilation video of Harry Enfield's 'Kevin' sketches. We had a laugh together, but it still got across the point. I think I asked her if she recognised herself in any of it, and she sort of gave a sheepish grin, but she also saw how it must be for a parent. After this, things were a lot better, and anytime she 'started', I could defuse the tension by calling her 'Kevin' - she got the point!

By the way, even though at times it was hell, we got through it - most families do. She blossomed into a lovely young woman and is not only my daughter, she's my best friend.

Hope this helps.

Answer 7

you need to stop being her friend and start being her mother. Tough love sweety!! She should be firm and strict. What do you do when she tells you to ahut up? This is serious and she has the upper hand here. That is not the way it should be. You need to take control of this situation or else it will get worse. You say you feel guilty when you ground her but that is pathetic sweety. She should know damn well that if she acts a certain way there will be rewards or punisments to follow her actions. She is only 13 and needs your adult guidence. You need to be a parent and let her know that her tantrums will get her no where. If you really love her you will nip this attitude in the butt quick and raise her to be a proper young lady. good luck!

Answer 8

ok im 14 n im a boy but ive got other family members, who are 12 (girls) i think, that act the same way. i strongly beleive that the very reason she is so moody is that you do give he everything she wants. if you do this all the time we can become spoilt and get used to getting our way all the time, i know this because my parents (who've done a great job raising 4 kids including me) talk to me about this sort of thing. try not giving her everythin she wants all the time and be more firm in any chat back etc. then she may respect you as her parent more. my parents always talk to me about how stict parents used to be when she was growing up as well, that makes me think about the things i get away with and does make me more grateful.

Answer 9

Well i'm 13 so from my view, i would say that i am moody sometimes with my mother as well not because i try to be but just because thats how it comes out. I believe i'm growing up, the hormones insides of me are crazy wild. But not only that but at that age dating, school and other things like that have a huge impact on my life. So try talkin' to her about those type of things. I'm sure she'd tell you if you were that concerned.

Answer 10

Maybe PMS gives her these mood changes. She isn't pregnant, is she? Just gotta cover some of the ground first.

She is in a rebellion stage. All teens go through it. Some are worse than the others.

Teenage rebellion is actually a thing of instinct. Thousands and thousands of years ago, teens would become rebellious and thus leave their family to be on their own and have their own family or gatherings of the kind. She'll get over it. Just don't feel guilty - sheesh! It's your job to lay down the law and set the rules.

Answer 11

It is well known that when both girls and boys are changing from children into adults the hormones that trigger this cause all sorts of emotional problems. 13 is about the worst age for girls and boys normally have particular difficulties a couple of years later. My daughter was very difficult to live with when she was 13. Lucky you for having girls who seem to like you - well some of the time.