Is it wrong to question the bestman motives. Is this party for my Fiance or for the bestman?

Question

We have been together for two years and we have two childen.
We have had a joint bach party planned for over a year. We wanted a non traditional party His "new" bestman, the other could not get off of work, is now telling us how to run the show. Bestman is now refusing to go to our already planned event and is telling me when to free up our crazy wedding schedule so he can take my fiance our for "guy" fun.

I do not like strip clubs. If you are in a commited relationship you do not go outside it for sexual anything. I see it as a form of cheating. The bestman is telling me, regardless of how I feel this is what they are doing.

The best part of this all is we are getting married in a month. We have A TON to do and with my fiance working two jobs I have little help as it is.
I try to tell my fiance that a relationship is give and take, but he views that idea as me trying to run/ruin his life and I can't tell him what to do. I am not trying to tell him what to do just how I fee

To add a bit more. My fiance states he does not care and that this is between me and his Bestman. My Fiance has a very hard time saying no. If his friends ask him to do anything he does it no questions asked.

I also have a reason not to trust him. He has a female "friend" that we was sneaking off behind my back to see.

Answer 1

I was a bartender in a strip club for a few years. only so much can happen.
Hes gonna be put on stage, a bunch of girls are going to dance around him, and he'll get a t-shirt. big whoop.
If you think hes going to cheat on you with a stripper, you shouldn't be marrying him. no trust-no relationship.
while I do think that his best man is extremely insensitive, hes being a guy. Its what guys think they are supposed to do for the groom. its almost a tradition. ....as sad as that sounds.
and your FH isn't exactly arguing with him. He wants to do it, let him do it. Then go plan your own. Relationships ARE give and take right?

Answer 2

It sounds like maybe your fiance was less than thrilled with the "joint" bachelor party (I have to say I agree). It seems like he wants to go along with his bestman's plans. You have obviously never been to a real strip club. I have. Forget what you see in the movies. It's mostly "look but don't touch". Maybe you should "give" on this one. If you don't trust your fiance, you should not be planning a future with him anyway. As long as it's understood that you are very against any post-marriage trips to stripper-land, I would let him see that you are secure enough in his love and your relationship to allow him this traditional "guy" fun.

Answer 3

It isn't wrong to question the best man's motives. The best man's motives are obviously to get your fiance uncomfortably drunk and have what many would consider to be a crazy wild good time, ogling women and shouting "woo-woo."

Most men, though, just go along with those sorts of things because they think the rest of the men around them are enjoying it. Who really wants to get a hard-on in front of their male friends?

On the other hand, I think you would do well to question your fiance's motives. It sounds like he is fairly uninterested in planning the event of the actual wedding, in what you want for your relationship, and in your beliefs about strippers. Regardless of whether you've been to a strip club or not, if you believe that your fiance looking at another woman is cheating, and he's going to do it anyway, you have a problem.

The party is for the best man -- although he would likely say that it's for your fiance, because it sounds like he thinks you need to loosen up a bit. Any adult who cannot respect someone's request not to force their husband to look at strippers has definitely shady morals. As well, any adult who cannot say to his friends, "I don't want to do this, so I won't," needs to do a lot more growing-up before he gets married.

Moral of the story: Are you sure you don't want to wait a year? Yes, it's embarrassing to postpone, but it's much more embarrassing when your husband makes a drunken fool of himself for the entertainment of his friends.

Think it over. The "best" man obviously already has, and come to his own conclusions about how to make himself happy.

Answer 4

I know you love him but I don't think I would marry him if I were you. I know that wasn't your question but if he is the type that will completely disregard your feelings at the drop of a hat to do what his buddies tell him to do, then he is not husband material. He will do that to you after the ring goes on your finger as well. I think this relationship is doomed to failure if you guys marry. If there's kids involved....its' going to be even harder. In addition to this I was once engaged to a guy who did whatever his best friend thought was "cool" for the two of them to do and it usually involved something that was definately not law-abiding. Plus, he was sneaking around getting off work early to go be "friends" with this 15 year old girl. Right. Friends. I am glad I never married that guy.

Answer 5

Why does it remember, you're marrying Peter. From right here on out, never be a lone with "Joe" with-out your husband being present day and not take any calls / e-mails from Joe with-out your destiny husbands information. In different words, "Joe" is your husbands pal no longer yours...let it lie.

Answer 6

I would personally not marry a child who was not man enough to stand up to his friends, nor would I marry a man whom I did not trust. It sounds like you two need to have a serious talk.

Answer 7

He needs to get a backbone! If he doesn't care, then tell him you don't want him to go and you want a diff best man.