What, if anything, can we do?

Question

My daughter was recently adopted by my husband and her birth fathers parental rights have been terminated. We have had to change our phone number to stop his harrassment. He is an abusive alcoholic and not suitable for her to know or be around and never took an interest in being a father to her until it was too late. My husband's family lives in the same town as my daughters birth mother and we are planning a trip to see them. What can I do to prevent a run-in with my ex? I don't want to run into him and him say or do anything to scare my daughter but I don't want to keep her inside and hidden from the public the whole time either.

it should say birth father.. my hands are faster than my brain.. sorry lol

My husband's family lives 1000 miles away-visiting them will only be a once yearly thing and because of his little sister's health problems they aren't able to travel. Meeting halfway or cancelling the trip really isn't an option as it is a few and far between chance to see their son and granddaughters.

Visitation is out of the question- he was allowed visitation of her when we still lived near him and she wasn't treated very well at all. Sober or not, I will never trust the man that pushed me down the stairs or threw her in her carseat accross a room to be around her again. The courts have decided he doesnt deserve the privilege of being her father and therefore he won't be.

Medicine Man.. I'm sure you meant well.. but I don't think you understood the question at all.

Answer 1

well first off, Don't let him know that you'll be in the area! second unless it's a little tiny town, you should be worried about it. if you are call the police in the town where you will be and see if you can get a restraining order on him. if you do happen to run into him when you are in Public, just get your daughter out of there right way, so if he does cause problems at least she'll be gone already! I understand that sometimes you have to do what you have to do when it comes to visiting family. one other thing you can try and avoid places that you think he might be. like a Park right in his neighborhood, or a restaurant he frequents. and tell your eyes out for him so you can avoid any problems

Answer 2

If this guy is as crazy as you say, keep your wits about you and stay safe. Here's some suggestions.

1. Make sure NO one lets him know your coming, and if you happen to stop at a gas station, look around, is it also very important you and your husband are ALWAYS together. When you and your daughter go to the rest room, your husband stands out side. When your husband goes in to pay for gas you go with him. NO matter, how fast he says he will be, go with him, we all take longer than we think.

2. You can also call the local sheriff, and tell him your story and ask to meet you at your Mother & Father in-laws house, ( it's better to be safe than sorry)

3. Bring some kind of personal protection, mag light, pepper spray, etc.. But you've gotta learn how to use it to..

Good Luck, I hope this helps

Answer 3

I am not sure if your daughter is aware of anything about her father, but I have a similar situation. I have a child restraining order for my kids against my ex husband due to abuse. I have told my children that he is sick and needs help, that if he trys to contact or approach them while they are playing they need to run and tell someone right away. I found that being honest with them was the best thing because he broke the order and found us 3 yrs after the orders. It made a dangerous situation safer because there were plans set. Also I want to clarify honest with the kids. I learned through my kids therapist that telling them on there level keeps them safer. As I said before that is why they are told that there Dad is sick and needs help. That it is not safe to be around him or talk to him. That one day hopefully he will get help to get better. Then we go through the plan of what to do if he tries to approach them. I hope this helped I know it worked great for us and I never thought he would find us. I wish you the best of luck

Answer 4

hello jennifer
more info will be a help --- but for a 1000 mile journey with a family nothing is cheap -- driving/ bus / train or fly

i believe you are better served by inviting your ex -- family [ childrens grandparents --plus ] to visit you and your husband now --- at your home ground where you can control everything ---including --- within how many miles -- your ex has to stay away
extra charges now --- for any dissablement are very minimal --- sometimes even discounts --- as all major travel services need to show how they are helping both the dissabled and the envirioument

you have a new life but i am so happy to see that you still have a good contact with your ex mans family
was same for me
hope your new husband understands this --- but you say nothing on this so i think you have a true love partner now

do not go
invite
is my advice

stay happy [ a visit to you 1000 miles is a holiday to them]

be happy and do what is best for you

my dreams and wishes are with you all

regards
M. M.

Answer 5

Jennifer,
I do understand where you are coming from---I suggest getting a restraining order and live your life like all is well-----just make sure that when you get to your vacation spot that your ex does not know about it....If he finds out and comes to harrass your family then you can leave or call the police to remove him from the area---if he gets stupid---have your new hubby beat the snot out of him and dare him to come around again. No just kidding----of course there is the right to defend your self---especially if you think he is going to harm you. Good luck and May God protect you and your family

Answer 6

Sheesh thats a tough spot.
It is hard being around an abusive alcoholic but I still hate to hear about a parent that isn't allowed to see their kids.

Maybe if he can sober up and prove it some how AND IF the child wants to see him then let it be a supervised visit.

Answer 7

put a restraining order on him, you have reasonable rights. if he is a true threat to your now fully functional family, I would suggest putting your house up for sell and moving. I haven't seen my dad since I was thirteen. my mom never stopped me from seeing him, but he was never around. I too have an alcoholic father, but at least I was allowed to make that judgment for myself.
oh, and if your worried about him going to her school or trying to take her, invest in a child gps tracker, they are little keychains you can put on her backpack and if anything is wrong, she presses a button and the alarm goes off. they are spendy, but worth it.
ask your husband about what to do, ask him to help. you may want some legal advice on this. if his parental rights are void, that means he has no right to be around her. make sure her school and friends parents know this.
good luck.

Answer 8

the chances of him knowing you are there and seeing you there are pretty slim, unless it's a REALLY small town.

i would either plan a trip for the whole family to go to the beach together, or camping, something together, but away from town.
or, go visit with them and just be sure that anywhere you go you are in a group....more than just you and your daughter.

gosh, i hope you take care and i hope things work out for you.

Answer 9

well we have similar problems but its my husbands ex we have to avoid however we a very fortunate in the fact that our daughter doesn't know this woman is really her birth mother and unfortunetly we run into her on occasion however for the most part we ignore each other On one occasion she did ask me if she could say hello to her daughter and I did say it was okay and then she tried to tell her daughter who she was to which she just replied get away from me your crazy Mommy make that crazy lady go away so know the birth mother knows where she stands with her child and hasn't approached us since....Good Luck

Answer 10

contact the town he lives in, call the county attorneys office and explain the situation and see if you can get a temporary restraining order, or protective order. is she old enough to explain this situation to. if so, sit her down and have a heart to heart. then if something happens she understands and is prepared. good luck