What punishment in the after-life awaits a Catholic who remains married, but continues extra-marital affair?

Question

Catholic wife discovers Catholic husband's 11 mo affair. She informs entire family, has him visit priest for absolution & cut-off affair.

Husband tells other woman (OW) he cannot divorce wife (they have 2 children) because of duty & moral absolutes (i.e., no divorce). He loves wife, but is not in love with her. He loves OW, but cannot divorce wife. He is sorry. No contact for 2 - 3 mos.

Husband reinitates contact with OW right after he & wife attend "Retrovaille" weekend (Catholic-based 'marriage encounter' for troubled marriages) which teaches principal that "Love is a decision." He informs OW he has decided to love wife & is trying very hard to do so, but feelings for OW have not changed. He is sorry. More time passes: 2-3 mos.

Husband again contacts OW that feelings for her have not changed. Says love for OW is non-decisional, meaning he feels it without having to try to love. Would like to see OW again.

What will happen to him in after-life if this continues?

I really wanted to hear from those knowledgeable in the Catholic faith, that according to Catholic dogma what happens to a person who continues to do this? Is the fact that he has not broken the sacrament of marriage (by not divorcing) enough to keep him in "good standing" so to speak? Would it be worse to divorce (because it is a sacrament), than to just keep cheating but staying married? I know both -- under Catholicism -- are wrong? But what is worse? What will happen to him? Does he still get into heaven because he kept 'techically' kept the sacrament of marriage?

In response to Julia: The detail about the husband calling to meet up with the OW one day after coming back from attending Retrouaville program is not fiction, but actually occured. There is no attempt here to desecrate the program, just trying to outline the details.

Answer 1

It pains me to read this, that a man would do this to two women he loves. I pray for all involved. I'm a Catholic, deeply believing in marriage and its sanctity.

You have many questions. I"ll try to tackle them organizedly.

I think, more important than a discussion of the sin, is the damage that is being done to the spouse and to the family and to him and to the OW. Those who say sin has no consequences beyond the sinner are sadly mistaken. We can talk about what the sin means and where there was sin and what punishment is merited later. Right now what matters is for him to cease in this sinful way.

It is true that the Blood of Christ means forgiveness; but HE HAS TO STOP SEEING HER in order to really and truly accept that forgiveness. Catholics seek this through Penance, non-Catholics through direct prayer or accountability groups or whatever practice they have interpreted to be correct.

All Sins are against God alone, but there are sins (small s) against several people here:
He is sinning against the spouse for very obvious reasons; "love, but not in love" is not a good enough reason to be unfaithful.
He is sinning against his family.
He is sinning against the OW by not loving her (love is a choice, very true).
He is sinning against the community by breaking his marriage vows.

First, where is there Sin? There is Sin in the extramarital affair on its own - and this sort of Sin begins in the heart; he doesn't love the OW by choice, so the love is not in the heart, and that is the Sin of lust. There is Sin in being unfaithful in marriage, and I consider this to be the worst because it is breaking the marriage vows. I think the Church would consider breaking the vows the most grave Sin. I can go on and on, but the case is made.

The punishment for Sin is death; he may feel guilty, he may wish to repent, but it cannot be a sincere repentance until he stops seeing the OW and gives his heart time to forget her. The Sin and sins end at this point because:

The marriage has the chance to be made whole.
The hurt stops being piled upon the spouse.
The lust of his body ends.
The lust of his heart will fade.
The family has stopped being rent and can begin to heal.
The community sees that the vow is again being honored.

If he is not truly sorry for his Sin, whether he stops or not, this is for the Lord to know. The Lord may condemn him, the Lord may complete the good work begun in him (per Phillippians) and eventually admit him to Eternal Life, as the Lord may do to all of us. But to persist in unrepented sin is a grave decision.

Answer 2

First of all, what makes you think that the husband would take seriously the Catholic teaching against divorce -- but would NOT take seriously at all the Catholic teaching against adultery?

Second, under Church law there's grounds here for declaring the marriage to be annuled -- that is, it never really existed in the first place. That's due to the fact that one requirement for a valid Catholic marriage is an intended lifelong commitment to fidelty and monogamy -- something which is obviously absent here.

Third, why did you craft a story in which the man runs back to the "other woman" right after going to a Catholic marriage-encounter with his wife?

Are you implying that such programs are ineffective, or bring about the opposite results that they intend?

If you are, then all I can classify your essay as is this: a wonderfully written work of fiction.

Answer 3

First of all, there is no after-life except for the 144,000 who make it to Heaven found at Rev. 14:1 and Rev. 7:4-9 and the Great Crowd or the Other Sheep who receive a resurrection back to earth after the Great Tribulation. Psalms 37:9-11 and Rev. 21:3,4 and many many other places too numerous to mention here. The Bible says that The Soul That is Sinning, it itself shall die, and it says that the wages sin pays is death. it also says that the dead are conscious of nothing at all and that at death, all thoughts do perish.

If the man continues to have an affair, he might suffer the punishment of a death with no resurrection and remain dead feeling nothing and knowing nothing instead of the resurrection to life forever on a paradise earth as the Bible also teaches. The word Hell in English, Sheol in Hebrew, and Hades in Greek is really translated as Pit or Grave; not a place where you burn up and the Lake Of Fire is not literal either because it says in the Bible that governments would be thrown into it and death would be thrown into it.

The only divorce supported in the Bible is for Adultery, so Biblically speaking, his wife can get a divorce. Jesus Himself gave that reason for divorce. It is the ONLY reason for a divorce to be allowed Biblically.

Answer 4

you are in the wrong religion. if he were a real christian he would not be doing all the extras. you both need to be filled with the baptism of the Holy Ghost with the evidence of speaking with other tongues. The catholic religion does not want you to read YOUR bible. READ IT it will tell you things that you never knew. there is a PLAN OF SALVATION FOR YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND but you have to search the scriptures to find it for yourself and then go ask YOUR PRIEST if they believe what the bible says is true. have them explain the TRINITY IF THEY CAN. bet u ten roses they can't. that word is not even in the bible. don't understand why you are going to a priest for answers when they can't be trusted to keep their pants on!

Answer 5

Humans always tend to think the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. If he were actually married to the OW, he'd probably quickly lose interest in her.

Ask a priest about the afterlife issues.

Answer 6

Think youd be better suited with a real and honest answer from s leader in the the Cathiloc Faith. Finding that may be hard of course, but thats the best place to get your answer. Seek out someone if the Cathiloc faith you can ask about it, without feeling judgment.

Answer 7

It sounds like the family and the lady that is with him need to trust Jesus Christ and realize that religion nor church membership will ever replace the Blood of Christ that was shed so that they could be free from sin and inherit eternal life.

As far as love in relationship there is a whole lot more to love in a marriage than feeling. He needs to honor his vow that He made before God.



http://www.biblebelievers.com/SimpleSalvation.html

Answer 8

If a person commits adultery - even once, mind you - but repents his sin before death, God will forgive him.

If a person commits adultery - even once - but does not repent before he dies, let's just say I would not want to be his soul.

Ultimately, God has the final say in the whereabouts of ones soul in the afterlife. Only God can make that call because only He knows what's really in the adulterer's heart.

Answer 9

so, I can't be accused of "judging" I'll quote directly from the Bible:

"You shall not commit adultery." Exodus 20:14 (NIV)

"But a man who commits adultery lacks judgment; whoever does so destroys himself." Proverbs 6:32 (NIV)

"But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." Matthew 5:28 (NIV)

"So I will cast her on a bed of suffering, and I will make those who commit adultery with her suffer intensely, unless they repent of her ways." Revelations 2:22 (NIV)

...I think Rev. 2:22 answers your question specifically.

Answer 10

nothing, he will decompose in the ground like the rest of us, stop holding on to the idea that someone put in a book two thousand years ago, it has no relevance today. That book was written to keep a savage uneducated society in check the way police use guns today, ever wonder why medieval preists wore their bibles holstered to their hips? nobody else could read!