How do I learn to be emotional again?

Question

I was clinically depressed through adolesence, had to deal with a drug addict alcoholic mother, moved five times and attended seven schools, self medicated with drugs and alchohol till the anxiety disorder started at age 18, which is when I found out about depression and AD and decided to fix myself. I'm now 23 and I've dealt with a WHOLE lot of issues. One of the only problems left is that I still don't feel either love or sadness ever, even when I think they are appropriate. I absolutely cannot cry, and there have been times when I think it would have helped alot to purge myself. I don't have any problem with anger or occaisonally happiness. Just thinking about love or sadness and trying to feel them gives me bad anxiety, even writing this down. How do I re-establish contact with these feelings?

Answer 1

I think it's a slow process. I'm a survivor of child abuse and I too shy away from emotions, and it's taken me years of self-work to allow myself to cry - it's still very hard to do, even when I'm alone. I found that things like writing down in a journal helped, talking to a good therapist, sharing with others (you could try ACOA or ASCA .. I do a lot of ASCA stuff and it has helped me tremendously. Their website is www.ascasupport.org
Music can bring up emotion too .. art, nature .. I think the beauty in these things maybe just pulls something out of the depths. I've also heard that pets are a wonderful way to get in touch with emotions .. especially dogs. They offer unconditional love and are easy to connect with.

I guess it's one step at a time, and you've obviously already started the walk, done so much to help yourself, understood a great deal about where you're at and where you're coming from .. I know how it is .. I understood a whole lot on an "intellectual" level, but it kind of doesn't sink in to the soul? I "know" stuff but I don't "feel" it. Feelings are scary, feelings make me worry that I will be vulnerable. Perhaps exploring these thoughts is a way to opening up some new opportunities.

Oh .. another thing I just thought of .. body work. I went to a workshop on one two years ago and it made a HUGE difference .. it's like the body holds a lot more than just our skin and bones and organs .. and going through those guided movements actually wakes up a lot of stifled emotion. Why don't you try some form of dance or yoga or dance therapy or movement therapy. The body can release answers you never knew you had. (I realise this sounds a bit flower-childy, but there is SOMETHING in it .. give it a try, what have you got to lose?)

Answer 2

Kind of sounds like you might be "afraid" to love??? I mean, if you've been hurt a lot - maybe you are scared of being let down because you know that "people aren't perfect" -- my son was going to counseling and he was told that he was possibly "expecting too much out of people" but we're all human with flaws. My mother was an alcoholic too and was never there for me. But my father was thank God. We all have childhood issues of some sort or another - yours were pretty severe and therefore affected you in a negative way. Have you gone to counseling for this issue? Don't purge yourself please because regardless of whether you feel no love - someone surely loves you I'm sure. If nothing else, I care.....so please don't. You say "love or sadness" -- they go hand in hand because when you are let down in love for any reason, it is immediately sadness. That can cause anxiety. (I had panic disorder for 5 years too so I understand where you're coming from). Somehow, try to open up your mind and soul to love - allow the hurt when you have to feel it as it will go away in time too (the hurt). I feel for you. Too much negative in life can really mess a person up. Hang in there and ALLOW YOURSELF TO LOVE. You are fighting it I'm sure.

Answer 3

I have also been through alot, and for 3 years, I was detached from my emotions. And it was very difficult to get them back. I was always afraid someone would prey on my vulnerability if I allowed myself to cry again. I had to think of things that hurt me, not to dwell on them, just to use them as a tool. Talk to a therapist as well, they can be really good, even if you only see them a couple of times. Also try laughing, it releases the same healing elements into your body as crying does. For me the laughter turned to tears, and I felt soooo much better! I am still healing, and it'll take awhile for you too, but I hope you get through it well.
Peace!

Answer 4

hello FRIEND
i am sad that i do not know your name --- it is important to you --- and also --- for your health and happiness
"identity" is very important to all people --- and i believe that your past " BAD " EXPERIENCE OF LIFE --- has taken your feeling of " IDENTITY"

PLEASE do not allow this to happen anymore
you are a PERSON in your own right
and only NOW are you aware of this --- hence --- your question---- and you have MATURED
now you --- CAN and WILL have a life of your own
well done young man
you are a real man and also
a true fighter
with brain --- not fists
my true admiration
i will HAPPILY talk --- 1-2-1 with you iff you wish my help and experience [ no fee --- ha ha ]
just keep focused / strong / and believe in yourself

any race/ colour/ religion/ we are all just people that wish to have a life of our own
all lives include many other events and people beyond our control at early year times --- and when this is very bad
many people fold
you have grown strong
please keep this stregnth --- it is wonderfull

you WILL have a very good life now --- i know it

highest regard to you

M. M.

Answer 5

If you are not in therapy already, go. Before you feel love and care for others, you need to love and care for yourself.

It took 35 years, and watching my father die slowly of cancer to realize I could love and be loved. Don't waste time, you only get one chance at life.

Answer 6

cut your wrists and slit your throat.. that's how u get to be emo.lol.
no seriously, you just have to find something tah sparks you. This can happen acidentaly, you might find someone you will love. watch some shows, and if u smoke or do drugs, lay it off.

Answer 7

Embrace them when you feel them coming on. Try to get inside the moment and do not let yourself surpress them or rationalize yourself out of them.

Answer 8

I'm sry 2 hear about that. You should go 2 your doctor and they will help u ALOT. Good Luck!!

Answer 9

If you don't feel love or sadness, you should think about a career with the IRS.

Answer 10

Therapy. Lots and lots of therapy.