How do I know when it's time to have a second baby?

Question

My daughter is turning one this month. My friends and neighbors all tell me it's best to have 2 kids so they have each other to play with and don't become a very bossy only child. My wife says she gets tired running after just one toddler, and says she doesn't think she can handle another child without help.

My mom is 70 now and can only come 3-4 days a week because she also takes care of my grandparents and wants to help my sister's kids. My sister is a single mom, so there is no other family to help out.

We have never hired a nanny, and I got uncomfortable even hiring a gardener and cleaning lady. I'm not sure what kind of person or arrangement I'm looking for. My wife's vision is to have a nanny so there would be two adults at home with two kids during the day.

Another alternative is wait for this daughter to go to school before having a second child, but my wife is 37 this year, and fertility might become an issue very soon.

So should I just bite the bullet and start looking for a nanny? I would assume that I'll learn more about nannies once I try them out for a while.

Or should I just stop with one child since she is so active and is probably all we can handle by ourselves?

Answer 1

I think that this is a decision for you and your wife. I would say that if you are not comfortable asking someone else into your home, then you should wait. Your first child is still young and other people should not determine when you have a 2nd child. My daughter is 2 and I am not sure I am ready for another child yet. But others are ready when the baby is 6 months. That is a case by case decision. I think that having a sibling is a good idea, but it shouldn't be what causes you to have another child now. You and your wife should decide if waiting and possibly not having another child due to age is a possibility, if you both don't feel that is a good idea, then maybe go for it now. Or you can give it a few months. There is a big difference between a one and two year old in terms of independence. Maybe in a few months you wife will feel more ready. Either way, I think you both need to feel ready in order to do this. These are just my opinions and I hope it helped some!

Answer 2

wait until the child is 3. By then she should be potty trained. Another reason to wait until she is 3 is that at age 3 the child won't need much lap time. She will be busy discovering new things to want to be up under you adults. She can also be a great little helper to her new brother or sister. I think a nanny would be a great idea to help mom out and give her a break at times. Do it! Especially if you can afford. I wish my hubby could afford a nanny to help me raise our four kids. Your wife will really appreciate you. The only thing you might be concerned with is the fertility thing; but, there is so much medical technology out there that you have a pretty good chance of overcoming that issue as well.

Main thing is don't have the kids too close together like I did. If your wife is having a hard time now she will really be pulling our hairs with two toddlers. Trust me. when the kids turns 3 go for the second child. A 3 year age difference is not bad for siblings.

Answer 3

It's definitely up to the two of you weather or not you want to have your kids close to gather let along more kids at all. I can't see one person not being able to take care of two kids. When I did childcare it was 4 infants per caregiver. I am also a mother of two a 19 month old and a 3 year old, they are only 18 1/2 months apart and I do just fine. I also just found out I am pregnant again (we were trying) so when my youngest is not quite 2 1/2 and my oldest 2 months shy of his 4th bday we will have another little one and I don't anticipate any problems with that either. You have to be motivated and somewhat scheduled when you have multiple kids helps keep you on top of things. If your wife doesn't think she can handle it on her own then maybe she should just stick with one, especially if she's not excited by the idea of having another. I am trying not to judge but i just can't see having a nanny in my house while I'm there, that's my job as a stay at home mom - that's why I chose to stay at home. Now if my hubby wanted to hire a house keeper to come in once a week I can't say I would complain about that :) - cleaning tubs, floors and toilets are not my idea of a good time, but chasing the kids is.

Answer 4

You should do what your heart tells and what you think your wife wants. Hiring a good nanny is rare but possible. I have been a nanny and they all loved me, I was very good with other people's kids and I cared for them all so much and would never let anything happen to them and would focus all of my attention on what the kids wanted to do, but in the other aspect I would think about what their parents would allow them to do. Just look in the church newspaper, that is how all these people found me and I ended up having at least ten families I worked with. Ask around for anybody that knows someone that wanting to watch kids and who would be interested. I think you sound like you want another kid and if that is true do so, and just find a good trusting person that loves kids and also wants the best for those kids like you do, so you can make sure that they are handling your kids the same way you do.

Answer 5

I'm not really sure that there really is a specific amount of time that one should wait to have a second baby unless recomended by a doctor due to the health of the mother. Physically it will always be challenging with one and even mulitiple childern.The timing has nothing to do with it, it's weither or not you both are up for the challenge. Some people say it's better to have them close in age so that they can like the same thing but thats not always good, that can cause alot of rowdiness between the childern and misunderstandings even jealousy between the both.
It seems as though the mother is having a challenging enough time at the moment and even if her clock is ticking you dont want to put to much on her. Even with a Nanny Mom will still feel the stress of a second child if she isnt ready for one.I hope that makes sense!!!!

Answer 6

There are alot of things to consider in having a child. It is really difficult to take care of children. Does your wife work? If you wife is a full time mother, then two children should not be too much to handle. My mother had three of us and she was great.

I would be uncomfortable hiring a Nanny. You don't want outside people in your house influencing your children. It's not they're children, they will never love him/her the way a parent would.

Beyond the problems you have listed (since others are answering them anyway) have you considered that having two children too closely means that they will fight? They will always want the same things and had-me downs may be diffucult. You will always have to buy two of everything. Another consideration is University. University fees are through the roof. Can you support both at the same time?

In deciding on children, it is best to think about your financial situation instead of other problems. Many singls kids turn out fine without siblings... what are play dates for? Your wife should definately be able to handle two kids if she does not work. Women though the ages have been doing it and are still doing it.

Answer 7

You're never really "ready" for another child...at least, I don't think so anyway. Two kids are a handful..and I am scared to death right now because my son just turned one and I am pregnant again. I'm scared, but very excited. I have mixed emotions about it. Maybe I'm not the best source to answer this question for you, but I say hiring someone to help your wife would be nice if she wants to have another baby. Her age will be an issue (my sister-in-law had the same problem with her age and fertility), so if she wants to have another baby...don't pressure her, but bring it to her attention..I'm sure she's completely aware of the situation she's faced with. Just be supportive in any way you can, whether she wants another baby or not. Good luck!

Answer 8

I have a 2 yr old boy, I will wait until he is closer to 3yrs old to start looking for the next one, i feel that he will be old enough to help mommy, and the age difference is not that much, it is very tiring to run after a toddler, I can’t imagine 2. I want to enjoy my baby alone (with my husband) before I enjoy the next one (the smaller the kid, the more attention they need

Its time to take the baby to day care !!!
Your baby needs to interact with other kids, and mom needs grown up time.
You wont need a nanny if the baby is at day care – a cleaning lady once or twice a week wont hurt !

Answer 9

First, don't listen to other people. You'll know when the time is right. It may be a little easier to wait till the littlle one is old enough to understand more and even help. You only been giving this child attention for 1 yr. I have a 2 yr old and me and my wife love being able to spoil him. He has even asked about a brother or sister but we are waiting to see just what the right move is. We were married for 7 years before we had him, to be sure NOTHING would ever tear us apart. Now with a strong, loving relationship he can grow positively. Ultimatly it is your decision and whatever you decide is right for you. Good Luck

DvL

Answer 10

Oh my! A nanny for one baby? I'm going to be 36, have been a single mother of 4 going on 3 years now, and do it alone. Of course, mine are getting older now, but she should be able to handle two little ones without any help. But, if she can't even handle the one alone, I would say it isn't even close to time for having another baby.