2006-06-16 06:21:04 · 8 answers · asked by d00msdaydisciple 1 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
nope.
2006-06-16 06:30:48 · answer #1 · answered by J-Bird 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
A man won a ticket to the Super Bowl, but when he got there, he was very disappointed. He was on the far left, at the back. He was closer to the Goodyear Blimp than he was to the field.
But halfway through the first quarter, he spotted an empty 50-yard-line seat that had to be the best seat in the house. He went down to the empty seat and said to the guy sitting beside it, "Is anyone sitting here?"
"Nope" the guy replied.
So the man sat down, and about 30 minute later, he couldn't resist saying, "Man! This is an awesome seat! Whoever gave it up must be CRAZY!"
The guy sitting next to him replied, "Well, actually, that was supposed to be my wife's seat, but she died."
The man, feeling like a total jerk said, "Oh, that's awful, but couldn't you have asked a relative to come with you?"
"No", said the guy. "They're all at the funeral."
2006-06-16 06:27:21 · answer #2 · answered by themacncheesepunk 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've got a funny joke, but you definatly need a strong stomach for it, I've gotten two of the most distant emotions at the same time from telling people this joke, so here it goes.
Im going to change the names in the joke to protect the rights of the innocent.
This one teenager I used to work with, well call him Mark, came into work one day and goes 'Andy, I've got a story for you.'
He starts 'Paul's parents were gone a few weeks ago, so Paul had his girlfriend, Francine, over one night. Paul's parents had just gotten a BRAND new white suede leather couch, and it cost about 3000 bucks. Paul was having rectal sex with Francine on the couch, he pulls out, she farts and poops all over the couch. Paul freaks out, he just ruined his parents BRAND new couch. They cleaned it up as best they could, flipping the cushions and wiping it down, but you could still see the stains. The next week his parents came home, and before they said anything else after walking through the door, they go "What the FFFF happened to the couch??!?!?!" Paul looked around really nervously and blurted out "The dog did it." Paul's parents grabbed the dog, took it out in the back yard, and shot it.'
If you want to repeat this joke, feel free to use dirty words in places you feel appropriate, I tried to clean it up so it doesn't get taken down off here.
2006-06-16 06:35:28 · answer #3 · answered by crikeyme_mate 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This isn't really a joke but a quote I think is really funny, well when I saw it on TV it was funny.
This is where someone who has traveled all their life has just relised he has to settle down (the doctor- he has no real name) because his (space)ship has been destroyed.
FRIEND: You're gonna have get a morgage!
THE DOCTOR: No
FRIEND: Yes you are!
THE DOCTOR: No, that's it I'm dieing. It's over
All that build up. Have I bored you? Ah well.
2006-06-16 23:50:20 · answer #4 · answered by TaRdiS~dRivEr 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOUR DRIVERS LICENSE TELLS IT ALL
A mother is driving a little girl to her friend's house for a play date.
"Mommy," the little girl asks, "How old are you?"
"Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother replied. "It's not polite."
"OK", the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?"
"Now really," the mother says, "those are personal questions, and are really none of your business."
Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"
"That is enough questions, young lady, honestly!"
The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.
"My Mom won't tell me anything about her," the little girl says to her friend.
"Well," says the friend, "All you need to do is look at her drivers' license.
It is like a report card, it has everything on it."
Later that night the little girl says to her mother, "I know how old you are. You are 32."
The mother is surprised and asks, "How did you find that out?
"I also know that you weigh 140 pounds."
The mother is past surprised, and shocked now. "How in heaven's name did you find that out?"
"And," the little girl says triumphantly, "I know why you and daddy got a divorce."
"Oh really?" Putting her hands on her hips, the mother asks, "Why?"
"Because you got an F in sex".
2006-06-16 07:49:31 · answer #5 · answered by mischiefmaker_kc 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok this blond walks into a best buy and theres a sign that says no blonds so she colors her hair black because theres 90% off some of the new stuff there.........she walks in and asks how much is this tv? the man at the desk say ur a blond so plz lev now.......so she gose colors her hair brown and gose asks a different person and she says how much is this tv? and that person knows that she was a blone too and asked her to lev once more............she thinks to herself and she thought that thy remembered wat she looked like so she colors her hair red and makes herself look like a rocker but comes bake the next day and asks someone different how much is that tv overthere and he says ur a blond plz lev as he walks her out she stops and asks him how do u know im a blond? and he says thats not a tv its a microwave.............
2006-06-16 06:28:23 · answer #6 · answered by andre g 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
nope
2006-06-16 06:53:18 · answer #7 · answered by ♥luvbug♥21 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
not right now but you can find hundreds of them at fartimer.com
2006-06-16 06:24:28 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋