Can you give me advice concerning my 12 year old niece?

Question

The family has financial & marital problems. Then the baby boy of the family (4 yrs old) died suddenly. The big sister is turning grief inward. Tt only comes out as anger. She's very smart, but wouldn't turn in homework, so she went to summer school. Then she managed to get kicked out, so she will be repeating 6th grade. The parents love her but aren't very strict disciplenarians.

She doesn't exercise much.
The family doesn't eat right & kids get themselves snacks like chips & coke.
She sleeps all day & stays up all night.
She locks herself in her room all day.
She has hinted at suicide. We are treating this as a serious cry for help, but we think thats all it was.

Medication is NOT an option.

The family is Christian, so don't give trite anwers like "Put your faith in God." They are already doing that. They need HARD advice WITH DETAILS & WEBSITES. But Bible verses to support suggestions will carry a lot of weight with them.

Please include website

They are trying to find a councelor they can afford

Answer 1

I'm not a Christian myself but I've found an amazing sensible and spot on Christian website that offers a lot of really good advice about life. It's called www.joycemeyer.org and I can't recommend it enough, so much that is uplifting and practical and inspiring and reassuring.

Answer 2

I agree- she is depressed. You can find cheap/ free help for her by looking up counselors in the phone book and just asking around a little. Most places keep local resources on file. If the family does get counseling too, she probably needs a separate counselor so that she can be honest about what's going without fear of her parents finding anything out. There are also many Chrisitan-based counselors out there.
Having her lose weight or just get out more aren't treating the root problem- just the symptoms. She needs some professional help.

Answer 3

This child needs grief counselling -- and it sounds like the whole family could benefit from some kind of counselling. Most Christian church pastors are very helpful in this regard, and will offer more help than just 'put you faith in God'. There comes a time when you have to help God out a little, and this is one of those times.
If you can't find a pastor who could help them, contact your local mental health unit and ask for references to grief counsellors. This is not something she is going to get over by herself and you are absolutely right, she is on a self-destructive path. The sad thing is that no one but you seems to be recognizing it.
Good on you, and God bless your efforts.

Answer 4

Oh gosh, I really feel for you. If the family is Christian, do they attend church on a regular basis? Are they willing to admit that their preteen daughter does indeed have a problem? If they are regular church attendees, I would highly recommend that they talk to their clergy. Not only will it do the 12 yr. old good, it just may help her parents get over the grief as well from loosing their son.

Answer 5

These are the classic signs of depression and she needs therapy. See if the county offers it or if her school can suggest help. She needs to get her anger out by talking to a professional. A bad diet can also cause emotional problems. A diet full of sugar, salt and chemicals is very bad for a growing child. Maybe you can go shopping with her mother and help her pick out healthy food. Their Dr. needs to discuss diet and exercise with them. Also, children need at least 8 hrs of sleep everynight. I hope you can help her and her family get on the right track. They could lose another child if they don't get help for her right away.

Answer 6

Wow. That sounds just like me when I was that age. Whatever you do, don't take her to Compas Health. It's a very inept attempt at psychiatry. Try to get her to lose weight or become "healthy" so she will have more friends and will be less depressed.