Can you give me advice concerning my 12 year old niece?

Question

The family has financial & marital problems. Then the baby boy of the family (4 yrs old) died suddenly. The big sister is turning grief inward. Tt only comes out as anger. She's very smart, but wouldn't turn in homework, so she went to summer school. Then she managed to get kicked out, so she will be repeating 6th grade. The parents love her but aren't very strict disciplenarians.

She doesn't exercise much.
The family doesn't eat right & kids get themselves snacks like chips & coke.
She sleeps all day & stays up all night.
She locks herself in her room all day.
She has hinted at suicide. We are treating this as a serious cry for help, but we think thats all it was.

Medication is NOT an option.

The family is Christian, so don't give trite anwers like "Put your faith in God." They are already doing that. They need HARD advice WITH DETAILS & WEBSITES. But Bible verses to support suggestions will carry a lot of weight with them.

Please include website

They are trying to find a councelor they can afford

Sebast|aN

Why do you have to be so anti-Christian? I already made it clear we weren't going to "sit & pray." We need action AND prayer. But you just want people to stop praying, all together.
And yet, you still manage to not include any helpful advice!

Answer 1

Have they spoke with the Children's Ministry at their church? Maybe the pastor could offer some help. Even the Pastor of the church in general.

How about sending child to a Christian Summer camp?
She may open up to a counselor under more relaxed circumstances such as camp instead of office.

I don't know where you are, so its hard to be more specific.

here is one website.
http://christianteens.about.com/od/counselingresources/tp/suicide.htm

Answer 2

This girl is at an awkward age to begin with, and to add this list of issues is a serious problem. I will be in prayer for your family. as for what can be done to aid the family, the previous ideas are good ones. I am glad that they are seeking help. i also agree that medication may be a possible solution. without knowing specifics of why medication is not an option, i pray that the family keeps an open mind. Seek out a member of the pastoral staff in their church. They always have a list of qualified christian counsleors in their area. that is the first step.

Answer 3

I am very sorry for your loss. There are so many agencies set up to help in these situations, most with sliding scale if not free. if you don't know where to turn ask the school counselor, they have access to these resources. The whole family needs to learn to grieve in a healthy manner. The ongoing silent pain of the parents detracts from the survivng child who needs so much right now. If you see they are stressed please volunteer to take the girl for a visit. give her all the love and assurances you can. It takes a long time. There are also tons of books on the subject. Medication may HAVE to be an option. Suicide and depression are very serious and becoming a very large killer of young people in our world.


If you tell me what city I would be willing to look up agencies for you. Most states offer free mental health services, especially young people.

Answer 4

Your pastor at your church acan provide couseling for free. THere should also be a community mental health in your area that can provide assistance in this situation. Also often times funeral homes have grief counseling for families after a suden death, so you can look into enrolling her there.

If you can get her to join some active club, exersice is also a great way to help relieve depression.

Please take very seriously any hinting at suicide. I've had two very close family members who were battling depression commit suicide who never said naything about it.

My prayers are with your family.

Answer 5

The child needs to see a counselor and a Christian one at that. If their church is not a large one then help them look in the yellow pages for a church that does offer one. THere are several CHristian organizations out there that help with this. She needs someone to talk with and sort out her feelings about the death. In proverbs it talks about the parent who spares the rod spoils the child. I have relied on this verse in getting my own child help. I don't think it is talking about just spanking a child but seeing to other needs as well and going to any length and getting the appropraite help for my child. To spoil is not talking about a bratty child but ruining a child. Letting them become unuseful. I hate to say this but even a Christian counselor may recommend medication. It can be used short term just to get her over the hump and through the grief. I took medication for a short time to get through grief and sort through all my feelings. I was seeing a Christian counselor at the time.

Answer 6

In this situation most states will be able to step in and help out with resources. If the family is in financial hardship, the state should offer some sort of state funded medical care that would include counseling and/or inpatient psych help if necessary. I can't give you the link because I don't know what state you belong to, but if her parents don't get her fixed soon, she'll end up doing it. They shouldn't wait. Most psych hospitals will take patients with the promise that they are trying to get state funded medical insurance. Good luck.

Answer 7

This young lady seems to be very depressed. Everyone has their own way of handling loss. Some cry, some pray, some get angry(esp. males). By acting out negatively she seems to get the attention that she seeks to feel she needs. ( I have had clients who told me that "they would rather be kicked than ignored" when it came to family relationships.)
There don't seem to be any parental boundaries or consequences for this young lady's behavior (positive or negative). She seems to be foundering through life not learning to have any of her own boundaries.
Children need structure and things to be constant in their lives to help them develop their own boundaries. EXAMPLE: How can you expect a young girl to say no to a boy who wants to have sex when she hasn't been taught about self- esteem/self-respect and what are acceptable boundaries for physical contact...sex vs just kissing or making out.
Having the parents present a united front and start by setting boundaries and expectations for this girl will help her to know that she is worthy of her parents time and that she is very important. Sometimes when families are grieving the loss of a child they unintentionally neglect the needs for structure and balance for the surviving siblings.Major tough Love!

Answer 8

It sounds like she really needs to talk things out freely without any judgment and she needs love and attention as well. Her parents maybe struggling so much their own issues that they are neglecting her so they need to wake up and see what's going on before they lose her too. Someone needs to speak lovingly, respectfully to the parents about their daughter. Ignoring the girl is not the answer and filling her with harmful food is just starting a life pattern of how to deal with pain that is definitely harmful.

Answer 9

I would suggest getting her out of the house and focusing on helping others. Have her start volunteering after school and on the weekends. Not with sick kids if that is what happened to her brother, unless she feels that would be something she wanted to do to give his death meaning for her.

Being occupied and being needed will keep her from brooding too deeply, and encourage healing at the same time.

Answer 10

My advise to you is that do not depend so much on God itself. Let me ask you a question. If you want to cross a river, what would you do? Would you sit down there and pray waiting for a boat to appear or would you rather find a boat and help you to cross the river? In your case, you should be more practical instead of putting faith in God. God is not going to help. You are the one who is going to pull yourself through all these. Meditation may be an option for her case.