funniest gets 10 pts
2006-06-16 05:41:57 · 16 answers · asked by meowmix 3 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
I women wakes up her son.
"Wake up it time to go to school" --mother
"I don't want to go let me stay home" -- son
"Give me two resounds" --mother
"The teachers hate me and the kids hate me too, give me two resounds why I should go!" --son
"Because you 47 years old and your the principal!" -- mother
2006-06-16 05:48:28 · answer #1 · answered by Mojo Jojo 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
NEVER SAY TO A COP
1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas)
2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
3.Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
5. Are You Andy or Barney?
6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
8. I pay your salary!
9. Gee, Office r! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other
cars around.. That's how far ahead of me they are.
12. When the Officer says "Gee ..Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with,"Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"
2006-06-16 14:52:58 · answer #2 · answered by mischiefmaker_kc 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week. Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey" died peacefully at the age of 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started. Shut up. You know it's funny.
2006-06-16 12:46:24 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are red state murders so hard to solve?
Because all of the DNA is the same and there are no dental records.
Just to be balanced:
What's the difference between a Democrat and a catfish?
One is an ugly, scum sucking bottom-feeder and the other is a fish.
2006-06-16 12:55:31 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did you hear about the peanut that walked thru Central Park alone at night?
He was assaulted.
Why did the Indian sleep in the motel lobby?
He didn't have a reservation.
Why can't you starve in the desert?
Because of all the sand which is there.
2006-06-16 12:49:10 · answer #5 · answered by Besmirched Tea 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What did the apple say to the orange?
Nothing, apples don't talk...duh.
Sorry, my PG jokes aren't as funny as the others.
2006-06-16 13:24:55 · answer #6 · answered by bluejacket8j 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did you hear what happened at the laundry mat? 2 clothspins held up a shirt.
2006-06-16 13:08:55 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ummm no PG jokes sorry
2006-06-16 12:44:45 · answer #8 · answered by Home Boy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this old man and woman went to the restaurant on their 50th wedd anv. that they went to when they met. they were talking about the good ole days and about how they went behind the restaurant and did the nasty out by the fence. so, they decided to go out there after dinner and do it. well, this police man walked by and saw them. they were flopping, and jumping, and i mean really getting after it. the policeman took them in, and said "i just have to ask you this old man, how in the world, being so old can you still have sex like that?" the old man said "well, 50 years ago that fence wasn't electric!"
2006-06-16 12:50:07 · answer #9 · answered by TKO 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What's the difference between a pitbull and a woman with pms? Lipstick.
2006-06-16 12:45:18 · answer #10 · answered by cricket 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a Bear and a rabbit are each taking a poop in the woods, the bear sees the rabbit and asks do you have a problem with the poop sticking to your fur? The rabbit responds no.
So then the bear wipes his butt with the rabbit!
2006-06-16 12:45:48 · answer #11 · answered by LVJoeD 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋