How to react to childrens sexualily?

Question

My friend has a wonderful 5 year old son, extremely smart. However, yesterday i was playing to tickle him when he say, pointing at his genitals: If you tickle me here I will laugh even more.
I pretended I didnt hear and then later on he grabbed my butt.
What should I have done? What should I do?
Should I talk to my friend? Won't she be shocked?
Thanks

Answer 1

that doesn't sound normal for a 5 y.o. Makes me wonder if he is being sexually abused by someone? Or his parents are letting him watch not so good stuff. I would talk to your friend. There is nothing you could have said that to him except for where did he learn to say that and see what he says.

Answer 2

You might ask the child some questions first casually while playing if he says this again - like's it's not a big deal, like, "does someone tickle you down there when you're playing? If you ask while you are playing - and before you involve others - you're much more likely to get the honest truth before mother or someone else tells the child not to tell anyone this or that and gives them guilt for talking about it. I wouldn't tell the parents what the child does tell you.

If you get an answer - that's something to tell a social worker. Five year olds do tend to be honest and old enough to tell you the truth. I doubt he's going to say something just to get a parent in trouble or something like that. Cognitively, he's definitely capable of telling you the truth.

Yes, you need to talk to the parents. If they don't do something to find out why this is happening, then you need to watch for more signs and then call social services yourself. If you see this behavior happen more then, it needs to investigated and find if there is some sexual molestation going on. It can be normal for a children to grab down there sometimes but it's generally easy to train them even by age 2 that it isn't appropriate.

This kind of acting out generally gives one the impression that someone is training them in a bad way. There is usally someone like a perverted grandfather, uncle or someone the child actually knows involved. So telling mom may not do enough if she has issues herself, was once molested by the same person, she could be in denial and doesn't know how to confront or protect the child. If mom doesn't take you seriously, or gets mad at you for mentioning that you are concerned, then that is a bad sign. A mother who knows nothing should really thank you for telling her and involve you in the process of figuring out what is going on. She needs to ask her son some questions and if there is a real issue then, she needs to contact a social worker or her pastor and find out what she should do next.

This is a very difficult situation, because it almost sounds like - I mean kids do think about their genitals and do things like slap butts - and it could be nothing - or it could be a bad sign of something much more serious.

If there is a situation here where there are many different adults coming in and out of the house who are boyfriends/girlfriends with either parent - then there could be many irrresponsible and sick adults involved in the dhild's life that he really needs to be protected from. That does happen occasionally when there is a divorce and the other parent has girlfriends and people in and out of their life all the time.

It's also much more likely that something bad is going on if there are marital issues, mental health issues - (someone could have skipped their pill) - drug or alcohol issues in the picture that cloud an adults sensibilities and make them prone to doing bad things.

Answer 3

Yeah - talk to the mother. It could be innocent but it doesn't hurt to make her aware that he may have been molested.
I had to add more today - I was thinking about your question today while cleaning my son after a soiled diaper. I am finding it difficult to clean that area for him because he just wiggles and giggles. Children are not always potty trained young and some start at around 3. Could it be that this child remembers the ticklishness from being cleaned? I mean, the parents must still have to help him in the bath too. That is a very sensive area - even when it is just being cleaned. If this is the case you might want to point it out to the mom anyway so she can teach him that that particular giggly spot is on to be touched when he's cleaning himself and also for him not to ask others to tickle him there.

Answer 4

Wow, how shocking for you! Children are just starting to discover themselves at that age, and really starting to find out what those things are for. Naturally curious, he pushed boundaries with you, not realizing what he did was wrong. I would tell your friend what he did, ONLY because chances are he is around other children (probably girls) his age and I don't think other parents are going to be so understanding.

What I would not do however, is make a huge deal of it, or let her know how much it bothered you. Chances are, she will be mortified that her child did something like this, and I'm sure you wouldn't want to make that worse. Play it off like you didn't think it was a huge deal, but just thought she should know. Being the good parent I'm sure she is she will take it from there.

Answer 5

Talk to your friend about it if she just shrugs it off like its a no big deal then sit down and think about it. My daughter is going on 5 and knows that other people do not touch down there exceapt for family who is washing it when she's in the tub and that's it. With the grabbing of the butt he might just see daddy doing it to mommy or vice vesa. I wouldn't take the butt as seriously as the private area. Talk to his mom about the area problem right away.

Answer 6

I am not sure how I would handle that situation, it is a touchy subject, my first thought is who has been touching him there and why has noone explained to this child that noone should ever touch him there. Yes, I would discuss this with his mother, because too much goes on these days to not worry . If she doesn't know that he is doing this, she should. She may be shocked, but she needs to be able to check things out to be sure this child isn't being exposed to something he shouldn't be. And if he is just being curious, then maybe she could explain to him so that he can understand that that is not appropriate behavior and why.Kids can shock you and they pay more attention to what goes on around them than you think, they pick up on all sorts of things even when we think they aren't listening or watching. We as adults have to be very careful how we carry ourselves aound them, they learn from us.

Answer 7

Before worrying about abuse, it's possible he was only mimicing something he wasn't purposely allowed to see (might have walked in on your friend in an intimate encounter or caught a movie clip involving that stuff). Tell him what he said and did wasn't nice. Gently mention it to your friend that she might want to explain to him that such contact isn't appropriate. She may be surprised by the news, but he probably didn't realize that was a bad thing to say and do (nothing to do with intelligence, just something that requires explaining).

Answer 8

This kid may be abused. Talk to the parents and if they don't care, call social services. That combonation of behaviors isn't normal. One or the other by itself can be explained as not knowing any better, but both, so close together, is not okay.
PS--Don't tickle kids anymore, especially that one.

Answer 9

Always tell the parent, for if you don't and the child tells, someone might think that something naughty took place. My son was a little so-and-so, asking his mother to tickle him down there.

Answer 10

OK Well....... I have a son myself....... He tend o do that to my girl friends..... u shold tell her in a way ... not to hurt her feelings *** a mother but to let her know that what my friend do...... I know when my son has done something wrong and i tell him privetly that he should do that to anyone...... he has now stop but i never ever abused my son it's just thing he saw and thought they were ok ...... if u want to it this way " does u'r man toudh u in front of u'r kids?.... he keep grabing my A$$..... and u know i feel molested by a 5yr old"... lol.... i know i would laugh but then make sure i talk to him about that ......