Why does it happen even when I try not to let it?

Question

I love my man, I really do. But recently his behavior has caused me to think about my past ex....my first love. He was so kind, sweet, and always looked out for my best interest. Well last night started off innocently enough, me and my darling were play fighting and he acted like he was gonna slap my butt so I swiped at him and accidently hit him in the face. Well, he quickly hit me back.....in the face and he hit me hard. He never apologized because he said that I shouldv'e apologized first. He calls me names but his mom says he does it because he and his brother grew up calling each other names, and he feels close to me so that's why he does it. We got in a fight the other night and he tried to walk out on me but I stood in front of the door. He grabbed me and tried to move me but now I have a fingerprint bruise on my arm. He apologized heavily for the way he acted but I can't help but compare him to my ex. Last night I kept thinking, **** would have never done that, or said that.

SO I don't know what to do. I wish my new man would treat me similarly to the way my old flame did. I was a princess then, now I feel like I'm not that important. Please help me ya'll.

And I feel so bad because I have really nice, cute guys that ask me out all the time. But I'm loyal to him so I don't cheat.

Answer 1

run away! this guy sounds like a violent person. if you stay you are asking for trouble. he obviously does not think twice about not hitting, he is a little crazy.
again i say RUN AWAY

Answer 2

Girl, you seriously need to leave your man. He had no reason to hit you back, even if you did hit him in the face on purpose! And there is no reason to call you names. I think the whole "he feels close to you" thing is bullshit. It's just an excuse. I can see why you would compare him to your ex. It seems as though your ex gave you what you deserved, whereas this guy you're with now needs to learn a thing or two. Start by talking to him about it, if he doesn't change after that (it will take him a while to change, it's not just an instant thing, especially with the name thing, it's just a habit) then leave him.

Answer 3

I think you know what you should do, you're just looking for someone to give you the push you need.

Its never right for a man to hit a girl, purposely or non-purposely. If he hit you intentionally after you had accidental hit him, it tells you about his personality; he'll abuse you badly if something happen to him, even if that's not your fault.

Calling name is a very immature gesture and very insulting to others. If his family endorse this kinda of behavior instead of teaching them to rise above it, I would say to avoid them at all cost.

Abusive boyfriend and husband comes from this kinda family, they think being close to someone means they can do whatever they want. The truth of the matter is that being close to someone demand alot more respect & patience toward each other in order to have a fruitful relationship, calling name being disrespectful isn't the right direction to go.

If he walks out whenever you guys have arguement, and quickly retaliate physically without thinking, your boyfriend is not mature enough to be in a relationship. If you had to stop him from walking out of the relationship by using your body to stand before him, I would say he's impulsive and irrational when he's upset.

If he can forciblely hurt you when he's emotion are running high, he will not have any regard to your well-being at all. This kinda of man should be avoid, period.

Honey, this relationship is a sinking ship; if its not gonna sink now its going to end nasty someday. You'll have to decide whether you want to sink with the ship or get out while the safety raft is still available.

There are alot more boys out there that are affectionate and sweet, respectful to woman and never, never hit them anywhere. You deserve alot better than this kinda treatment.

Answer 4

first of all look at all the guys that have answered your question so far and told you to leave him...this means that a lot of guys out there wont hit you and would treat like a princess. Your ex is an ex for a reason...don't go back to him for the fact he'll become your ex all over again...take it from someone who has been there as far as the ex is concerned. Pick your self from the boot straps and move on to a guy who can treat you better

Answer 5

he doesn't deserve you if he treats you like that. Even though he apologized after the 2nd time he hit you (or pushed) he should never have done it to begin with. Just think about it, every relationship is going to have fights and as you can see from the fight you just went through with him that he is going to hit you, call you names, etc. And you're best bet I think would be to get out of the relationship because it could get more and more violent and if someone is physically hurting you, then theres no way that you love him.

Answer 6

Listen to me please. I am an old man...probably your grandfathers age. I have two grown daughters. I know what I am talking about...I've seen a lot. One of the first lessons my father taught me and I ALWAYS followed.."men NEVER EVER hit women". I taught my daughters this and they would never tolerate it. Don't you either. One time is one time too many. If a man will do it to you once you will never know what could make him do it again. There are many things in life to cause anger..even rage. You want someone you can trust that no matter how angry he is would never hurt you. This guy isn't someone like that. Get rid of him.
P.S. A little Maturity on your part would help too...those little slaps that people do to each other can become an annoying habit and result in accidents as you found out. Best to avoid that.

Answer 7

Wow, We have alot in common. I miss my X very much. He too was a great catch and I was his pooky and he was my puppy. Now I wonder why we ever broke up in the first place. My Husband now acts alot like yours. I like to wrestle and be able to have fun with my man. I cant do that with the guy I have now... He'll really hurt me. I don't know how long you have been with the guy you have now but may I offer a suggestion, Move on if you can...what you are seeing now are warning signs. I married the guys I'm talking to you about. It gets worse. My Hubby isn't totally abusive..sometimes emotionally he can be. What gets worse is the feeling that you want to be treated better,loved completely and adored..the way your first bf was.Don't settle for less than everything, that's what I did and I regret it very much.Good Luck

Answer 8

Honey from everything you just said it sounds like you are in an abusive relationship. It might not be that bad now but if he hit you once then he will hit again and it will get progressivly worse and worse. Not only is he hitting you but he's making you feel less about yourself and that's not right. You are right to think about your ex if he treated you so great, you should be treated like a princess! I hope this helps some. Good luck with everything.

Answer 9

OK...I know this answer isn't going to get me 10 points, but you need to hear it.

WAKE UP For God's sake. I never fail to be amazed at the stupid women who get beat up and still want to go back to the scumbag who does it, time and again.

Instead of sitting around fantasizing about your first love, you need to get away from this guy, and do it fast, before he ends up seriously hurting you. AND HE WILL!

You are still calling this guy your "darling" when he hits you purposely, and bruises you up? What are you, stupid? What will it take? A broken arm? Leg? Neck?

This guy needs help. Perhaps it stems from childhood or family abuse, but he needs help. He will just keep abusing you otherwise. Think about if you have kids together...what's going to happen if Junior spills milk on the floor? What if your "darling" hits him in the face? What then?

Get out of whatever dreamworld you are in, and do one of two things:
a) Leave Him (my first choice)
b) Tell him he needs to seek anger management counseling of some type if you are going to stay with him...and if anything like that happens again, you're gone.

Like I said...I know this answer isn't going to get me 10 points, but your well being is more important than points. Please consider what I've said.

Answer 10

This is not good! He is showing too much disregard for your delicate female existence. I was in a relationship once with a guy who lost his temper only once and hurt me. He did apologize, but he never really took responsibilty for it...saying it was somehow MY fault for being in his way (even though I never physically got in his way at all). The scary thing is that you could easily put yourself into an icky situation if you begin to doubt your own needs.

Don't let this pass. Tell him how you feel about name calling and physical brutality. If you wait it out, the next time he does something to hurt you, it could be too late to save any relationship.

I have been in this type of situation more than once with more than one guy and the outcome is never pretty when you play the ignoring game. Damn it, you deserve to be treated like a princess!!

Answer 11

I think you should be really careful with a man that is so quick to get physical. And what mama says shouldn't hold that much weight if you feel in your gut you think something is up...or something could go seriously wrong. Usually a child can do nothing wrong in their mothers eyes...LISTEN TO YOUR INSTINCT. It's not easy...But if the radar is going up...you might want to do something about it before your situation gets more complicated...as in the longer you are with this person, the closer you get...and if things get out of hand...it might be harder for you to make a decision to leave. If you were just playing around like you said, and you hit him by mistake...it's normal if he's pissed. But for him to hit you back...and the slamming against the door, and the name calling...you need to really think about if you want to continue this relationship. Chances are, it will get worse.