My father and I have not gotten along with each other for the past 6 years. Part of it is due to me going through my rebellious teenage years, but the other part is due to him having this mentality that he is the only person that is right. It's his way or there's no way, which I can understand because he's the parent, but sometimes it just gets too out of hand. Its to the point where I can't wait to leave for college. But then it also makes me sad because I know he's going to be at home alone. He drives everyone around him away and its just frustrating to see him do that to himself. We barely talk to each other when we live in teh same roof, I'm afraid that we wont even talk when we're 3,000 miles apart. I've always been reaching my hand out but he just refuses to take it, we've been in therapy for over a year and a half and theres been very little progress. Does anyone have any suggestions or is anyone else going through the same problems?
2006-06-16 05:13:50 · 16 answers · asked by Mzz KoBe BrYant 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Right now I'm 17, and maybe some of you are skeptical about it because I'm the kid, but my 30 year old cousin has the same problem with my dad. He restricts you and completely refuses to acknowledge anythign else.
2006-06-16 05:17:06 · update #1
Look... every father want's to repair a relationship with their kids.
Go to him... explain to him that you KNOW you screwed up... ask his forgiveness... ask him WHAT can you do... to make it up to him.
The root of most of these problems are Clueless/ungrateful kids.
2006-06-16 05:17:46 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a hard one, but I am in the same situation. I rarely see or talk to my Father....only if my sister's kids have goings on. I, too, didn't get along with him growing up mainly because I was afraid of him. He was abusive in all senses of the word, so I tried to keep my distance. He, too, left my Mother for another woman in 2003 which has left a lot of scars.
I had a baby 11 mo. ago and it really changes how you look at things. I communicate with my Father via the mail...I send him updates on how my daughter is doing, send photos, etc. I don't feel that I am ready though to call him up or invite him over.
The problem with you though is that you want to reach out and your Dad isn't taking the offer. I am really sorry to hear that. Has he denied you all of your life? Did he want a boy instead? That's tough, honey. Hopefully he will come around. Otherwise, is there another man (maybe a friend of your Mom's?) that you could talk to as a Father figure? Once you get married, you will have a Father-In-Law. Let me tell you, mine is the best! I even call him Dad!
I don't know if this helped you, but it sure helped me to type all of this. Thanks for letting me vent!
2006-06-16 12:20:32 · answer #2 · answered by Mom of One in Wisconsin 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The tough answer to this, expecially since you're so young, is to go on about your life and let him go on with his. When you leave for college, send letters and cards home now and then to let him him know you're still there. His problems are his and yours are yours. Your problem is that you want a closer relationship with him, but we don't know what his problem is. You can deal with your problem. He has to deal with his and nothing you do, other than just being there, is going to make any difference. It will take time for him to come around, if ever. Just be available and stay in contact with him, even thought he may not respond. He sounds like a proud, but uneducated man, so he probably won't respond. He also sounds like a bitter and angry man which you are not the fault of, nor can you do anything to help him change other than just living your own life and letting him live his. Time will change him if nothing else does along with your patience, persistence, and understanding.
Just hang in there as I've described.
Good luck!
2006-06-16 12:23:09 · answer #3 · answered by quietwalker 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a matter of determination, if you really want to mend this relationship. You have to try, try, and keep on trying. Let him know you love him, everytime and in everyway that you can. Love him even when he rejects you, love him when you argue and he is stubborn. Sometimes you have to give in to him, and just swallow your pride even when he is wrong. He will be the only father you have, and one day he won't be there, so you be there for him as much as you can. As much as you need to feel love from him(even if he isn't giving it to you), you need to show love to him, he is your pops and you will be leaving soon. It will be harder for him, because you will be moving away to a new place and it will be tough for him. Do all you can, till it hurts you so much, you feel like you can't do anymore. Then just do more, after it is all said and done, you will feel better knowing that you did right by him, and you did more than anyone could, to show him love and affection.
God's Favour be upon you and your dad.
2006-06-16 12:28:50 · answer #4 · answered by dubwise_15 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Start small by including him in your life. Ask his opinion on things that you know his answer will be something you can do so he thinks you are listening. Give him a nice Father's day card and if you can afford it take him out for a meal so it's just the two of you and you can talk. Discuss some safe topics (prepare in advance). Try hard to listen to him and not get too defensive. Let him know you love him and even if you don't agree right now, you will keep his advise in mind. Try to see things from his perspective and maybe he can try to see things from yours. Good luck.
2006-06-16 12:24:47 · answer #5 · answered by Dellajoy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I haven't seen my dad in 5 years so the fact that he's still around is a good sign and you're fortunate. Just give him some space and every now and then come into his presence (his room) and have little moments where you can just sit there and talk. It may not mean much in the beginning but in time, your relationship with him will gain a newfound trust and hope. It takes time but over time (if you patient and slow) he will learn to see you as someone he can look up to and trust. As odd as that sounds, its true. Good luck!
2006-06-16 12:32:06 · answer #6 · answered by ♥Lily♥ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give him unconditional love. Tell your father that you will love him always no matter what. Tell him you respect him and all that he has done for you. Tell him you are glad he is your father. Give him the respect that a father should get 365 days a year. Don't argue with your father on the small stuff (almost everything is small stuff) especially when he is wrong. Let it be. You only get one father. Treasure him, nurse him, make him happy and proud. The rewards will be priceless.
2006-06-16 12:25:41 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Axiom - you cannot change another person. You are accountable for your behavior and responses to their behavior, but you can try as much as you like .... if the other person is not willing to work on the relationship, there will always be a limit to the amount of real progress you can make.
2006-06-16 12:16:46 · answer #8 · answered by Timothy W 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your dad will realize it, hopefully after you go away to college. Maybe he just needs his time. It must be hard for your dad too, if he didn't have a good relationship with his father or mother, or any one else important in his life.
2006-06-16 12:16:44 · answer #9 · answered by Your_Star 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry I can't help you. I Understand completely what you are going through. I am stuck between my husband and daughter who are in this same situation. I hope you find a way to make it work - for both your sakes.
2006-06-16 12:19:29 · answer #10 · answered by AlongthePemi 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He cant blame you for going through puberty. He signed up for the good and the bad when he and your mother had you .You cant force him to listen to your opinion or ever admit that hes wrong about anything but you can tell him you love him and you refuse to argue with him
2006-06-16 12:19:49 · answer #11 · answered by N M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋