Me and my ex-girlfriend broke up yesterday cuz she " was not ready to settle down". In my mind that means she wants to have sex with more people then chill out. I have a rule with relationships that goes " NO SECOND CHANCES ". I say this cuz if you hurt me once you'll hurt me again and i cant be a fool and let you hurt me twice.
If she wants to get back togather which she hinted at during our conversation, should i take her back?
2006-06-16 04:47:13 · 17 answers · asked by nickmesa2005 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I think "not ready to settle down" is one of those phrases which means different things in girlspeak vs. guyspeak. Not settling down does NOT necessarily mean wanting sex with other men! For girls, "settling down" usually means the idea of a shared household/ marriage. I would think she meant she doesn't want to be (or possibly even think of being) married and/or have children yet.
Is this the same girl who you asked another question about...discussing marriage? If so, I'd really guess that's what she meant to say. The prospect of marriage can be very scary for girls, especially if they've had exposure to bad marriages, divorces, etc., in their personal or family experiences. You know her and her history: might the idea of talking marriage worry her?
Only you really know how much you truly care about her and whether your potential together is worth more patience. However, for this and/or future encounters, it's always smart to make sure what's in your mind is actually what's in hers. I'd recommend you clarify your understanding before you give up on someone.
IF she actually meant she wants to have sex with more people, well, then, no I wouldn't want to get back into a serious relationship under those conditions. (That's a big "if" though.)
***** ***** *****
BTW, you might want to rethink that "No Second Chances" rule. Any couple is bound to have spats now and then...nobody is perfect, so certainly no two people will behave perfectly together all the time. Be prepared to have your same standard applied to yourself, and that means you'd better not ever make one mistake in any relationship. ;)
Perhaps you're closer to perfection than I am, but I'd have difficulty being so completely flawless. :)
2006-06-19 19:43:21 · answer #1 · answered by . 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
When a girl says she is not ready "to settle down" she does not necessarily mean that she wants to sleep around which is what you said you interpret her statement to mean.
I myself have used that statement many times particularly when I would see the guy becoming too serious about me, and I would feel, or hear him talk, of marriage or moving in together. All big steps, and yup, I would say that. And that would be my hint for the guy to back off and ease up on the serious notes because I was not ready for them. But on my part, I never said that meaning that I wanted to sleep around! It was a committed relationship without the declaration. And in my experience, some guys backed off and gave me slack, and some who wanted a Serious relationship with someone, moved on to find someone who also wanted a Serious Commitment.
I don't know the background of the two of you, what your relationship was like, what either of you are personally like. But on the merits of what you say, what you think she means and what she may mean can be two very different things. You both need to discuss together what you want out of the relationship,and give each other the commitment or slack that you can both live with, clarify what both of you will and will not accept from the other if the relationship continues,and stay together or move on as suits the two of you.
2006-06-16 12:22:26 · answer #2 · answered by Amber B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you are interpreting her reason for "not wanting to settle down" instead of asking her what the reason actually is. Maybe she was hurt in the past and is scared to be in a relationship and open up to someone again that way. On the other hand, maybe you're right and she just wants to screw other peeps. The point is, you won't know until you ASK HER!
I think these are things that you need to talk about before you think about getting together again. If you don't want the same things, then that is a recipe for someone getting hurt. So, be careful.
2006-06-16 11:53:45 · answer #3 · answered by Kitty 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I say if you truely loves her and feesl that she is the one for you you should take her back but not on her term, ,on your terms! Tell her that you are truely in love and would like to take your relationship to the next level! Let her know that being commited means having sex with just each other, tell her that she means so much to you and it would hurt you so very much for her to be with another guy! I think people can change and you should give her a second chance,i know my boyfriend did with me and we have been together for almost 10 yrs now,she may feel she is too young to settle down like i felt at first but that'll all change with time! I say yes to a second chance but NEVER to a thrid! Good luck and i hope things work out for the two of you!!!!!
2006-06-16 11:56:49 · answer #4 · answered by Baybee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Doll it sounds like you should just continue to walk away. If a woman says shes not ready to settle it does usually mean she wants more sex. Your smart for the no second chances but sometimes they are needed. Only if your heart tells you that it can work is the only time I would give a second chance. Good luck!!
2006-06-16 11:53:00 · answer #5 · answered by little_angel_in_eugene 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yo,man get some time to play to field she did!! Try all 31 flavors then call her back!! "Never start the war(relationships) on the low ground,capture the high ground. Never underestimate the power of a surprise attack. tip her off the pu$$y pedestal.
2006-06-16 11:53:45 · answer #6 · answered by Manus 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take her back and then pass her around to your friends. She'll get her extra sex and you'll have the security of knowing who she's with, when and hell, you may even join in. A little DP does wonders for girls.
2006-06-16 11:53:03 · answer #7 · answered by Add Man 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yeah, it sounds like she broke up with you so she wouldnt feel guilty about being with someone else at the time. i say you shouldnt take her back, at least not until she has proven herself to you to be a worthy person of your trust , your heart , and your love. I feel you on the not wanting to be made a fool of, but sometimes in love, everyone plays the fool at one point or another...........
Follow your heart...Good Luck and God Bless!!
2006-06-16 11:52:35 · answer #8 · answered by shawny2623 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
LOL, Seldat...right again! God knows the "no second chances" rule ends badly.
2006-06-22 04:10:04 · answer #9 · answered by romi_ny 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah you should take her back if you willing to accept the fact that she might want to see other men.
2006-06-16 11:52:24 · answer #10 · answered by twinkle 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋