How do you get your 4 year old to eat? (don't answer if you aren't going to read the details)?

Question

I am asking this question again because I have asked before and most morons didn't read my information explaining , HE HAS SEEN DR's who say IT IS NORMAL and I HAVE TRIED , EVERYTHING - punishment , cutesy foods, playing the stupid this food is yummy game, having him cook with me, giving him only his favorite foods and even waiting for him to tell me he is hungry and all kinds of other stuff. No matter what I do he ends up taking 2 hours to eat or if he is in the mood he makes himself gag and throw up (it isn't because he is full or because he doesn't like the food, it could be a friggin peanut butter and jelly sandwich). And it is driving me nuts. People keep saying it isn't normal but I know it is because I have been told my medical professionals that it is normal.

So please if you do not have a child who has gone through this problem DO NOT ANSWER MY QUESTION. I need real UNIQUE answers. Not just a reaffirmation that I should try the things that obviously DONT WORK!

Thanks!

I just wanted to say...THANK YOU EVERYONE for reading all of my question! And thanks for the nice experienced responses. It is good to know he will grow out of it. Not even the DR.s had a suggestion. Hence why it is driving me nuts.

Answer 1

Stop making food an issue. Put it in front of him at each meal. When you are done eating, pick up his plate. Don't offer between meal snacks. Next meal, do the same thing. Eventually he will eat. Don't fuss, don't cajole, don't make it a game. He will eat before he starves to death. Make food a non-issue. It is a control thing for him right now. Don't play into it.

Answer 2

I don't have any kids of my own but I have a nephew who does the same and I did the same when I was growing up. I didn't like to eat. I even sat at the dinner table falling asleep because I couldn't leave until the food was gone or I hid the food somewhere else. Some kids are just like that. My mother worried about me for a long time, but I grew up healthy and have normal weight. I am even now trying to lose a few pounds. I noticed that when my nephew takes vitamin pills, his appetite opens a lot and he eats much more. One thing I realized from my parents while I was growing up, the more they forced me to eat, the less I ate. You just need to be patient and try to understand that there are kids out there that do not like to eat much. If you haven't tried with the vitamin pills as yet, I would recommend you ask the doctor about it first before you try it.

Answer 3

Hunni, I am in the same boat as you. My daughter who is 5, only eats cheese, peanut butter, fake potatoes and corn....it is so frustrating, we tried her on meats and veggies when she was a baby but she refused even then, It is normal so the idiots that say it is not can go piss off...lol sorry...

Though I have seen an improvement over the last few months with her, she even tried a piece of chicken, though she did not like it (because it came from an animal) she will the odd time try new things. I think it is a phase most kids go through, you cannot force them to eat, so i give in to what she will eat.
I know that this is not much help, just wanted you to know that you are not alone in your thinking....
My daughter is anemic so know we have taught her to look at the labels to see how much iron are in products, and it seems to be peaking her interests.

I think they will eventually try new things the older they get. I give her multi-vitamins so she will be heatlhy.....Good luck hunni, and if you find anything that works for you please pass it on and I will do the same..

Answer 4

So I'll freely admit my child does not do this to the extreme extent you are describing. If that is a problem, DO NOT READ MY ANSWER ;-)

I do know a few things about kids that age in general (my daughter is about to turn 4) that might well apply here...

- They are trying to figure out where they can exert control over their environment. The more a big deal is made of it, the more the kid is likely to dig in and make a bigger deal of it, because they can tell their behavior 'matters'. When my daughter insists she isn't going to eat, we typically just say, "That's fine. You don't need to eat, but you do need to sit here with us until dinner is over." She'll often try to make it an issue again, "I said I'm not going to eat anything!" and we'll say, "I understand. I didn't tell you that you had to eat. But you need to sit here and talk with us." If that goes on long enough, she'll often decide she isn't accomplishing anything by not eating, and if she has to sit there anyway, she might as well. It is really bizarre to watch sometimes, as she'll swing from insisting she's never going to eat EVER, to laughing her head off while she eats her meal. And it all swings at the point where she decides she isn't accomplishing anything by trying to make a big deal of it.

- Kids that age also are trying desperately to figure out how they can influence the people around them. If a kid that age can tell they are pushing your buttons, that is bad news for you. Some part of their brain says, "Cool! Look what I did! I matter!", and they'll keep doing whatever they are doing to get a reaction. This is of course easier said than done; a kid that age can be maddening. But the worst thing you can do is flip out, yell, cry, etc., because it will make things worse, not better. If you need to, remove yourself from the situation. Excuse yourself from the meal for a few minutes. Or ignore my earlier advice and say, "Okay. Well, we are eating dinner now, and this table is for eating dinner. If you do not want to eat, please go to your room until we're done."

It is obvious how frustrating this is for you. If it is obvious to me, it is probably obvious to your son, and that is probably part of what is going on at this point.

The last comment I'd make is there are lots of doctors in the world, and I firmly believe a parent (perhaps even moreso a mother) should always trust their gut. If your doctor is telling you it is normal behavior, and your gut tells you it is more than that, see another doctor. And another and another until you are convinced. Your kid is worth it. Good luck...

Answer 5

I wouldn't worry about it to much. I know as a mom that is easier said than none...but really he isn't going to let himself starve to death.
My almost 6 y.o is the same way...when he does eat it's like a bird. I didn't realize how little he ate until my 1 y.o. now eats more than him at every meal. But he is a healthy little boy which yours is to.

I would try really hard not to stress it...sometimes with kids that alone is what causes the problem. You put so much empahsis on eating that it becomes a game of 'lets see how difficult I can make this for mommy" I bet if you stop making a big deal of it and go at it with a 'whatever' attitude he will start changing...seeing it's not getitng to you to play all the games.

I can tell you my son does hardly eat but I can tell growth spurts really good because that is the only time he will actually finish everything on his plate and sometimes ask for more!

Answer 6

Although I do not know personally what you are going through. There was this episode of Mystery Diagnosis on the Discovery Health Channel. where this mother was having the same problem with her son. He kept going to the Dr.'s and they would tell her the same thing over and over again. Or they would end up just giving him medicine for reflux. I am sure if you go to the discovery website you could pull up an episode guide of mystery diagnosis, and get some more information. Sorry I could not help you out with a whole lot of information, but hopefully this will lead you to some resolve.

Answer 7

My first born woldn't eat anything I put in front of him - it was a real power struggle thing so this is what I did:

I would put his food in hard to get places i.e. on a high shelf, in the dish washer etc.. he would see me do this. I never said here is your food I just left it there and walked away. He always ate it -as long as I didn't ask about it.

Later when he was older i went on a diet and made fabulous salads for myself - he would start asking me for my food - I would say no it's mine - he would only want to eat my diet food .

today as an adult he eats only salads

My sister in law had the same problem but it turned out that the child had Asperger's

Answer 8

I have a daughter that did the same thing. She eventually grew out of it. She went through a faze where she would only eat bread and butter. I just left her alone after exhausting myself. Keep an eye on your childs weight or signs of other health issues. If it becomes a concern then I would suggest talking to a dietician and see if they have any ideas. 4 year olds go through a power struggle.

Answer 9

i have a 4 year old that does the same thing. People that tell you it isn't normal don't know what they are talking about. I have two children and my oldest did the same thing, only she was 3 when she went through her phase. It's going to drive you crazy but as long as you offer his three meals a day and snacks and know that you have done what you need do to provide for his nutritional needs, you just have to wait for him to get past this phase. He will eat and he won't starve. As long as your physician says he's healthy and he doesn't see any problems stemming from this, you just have to let it take it course and try not pull out to much hair.

Answer 10

Relax take a deep breath and listen to your Doctor's. He will eat when he is hungry. My daughter use to play the drive mommy crazy game at meals. She was so picky I always made her a separate meal. One night she wouldn't eat the meal I prepared especially for her, even though it was her favorite. So I made something else. She wouldn't eat that either (meal #3 including our keep in mind). Finally I said... what is it you want. She told me, I made it and she wouldn't eat it. That is when I realized this was the 4 year old version of "throw things from the highchair and watch if mommy will pick them up game". I stopped making her separate meals and she starting eating what was given to her. Much less stressful for us.

I would make the meal, and tell him he has a set amount of time to eat it. After that time, remove the meal and do not let him snack. If he pitches a fit, send him to his room, or give him a time out or whatever it is you do. Be prepared for the fit... he thinks he is in control of meal time and is not going to give up his power easily. He will get hungry and it won't be any more fun if he doesn't think he is in control of the situation. Good luck.