A Question About A real "dad"?

Question

basically i despise my biological father and i love my daddy because he has been with me since i was born him and my mothe rhad their triles and tribulations but it all came out for the better...i mean my real father has been 2 jail n everything and i wrote him alot and he asked me for another chance but he got out and came back to doing the same damn thing he has been doin b4 he went down..notting has changed im only 16 and of those 16 years there are nO good memories of my real dad at all i mean i just dont like him..he a a**hole..and i just don'nt know what to do wehn i was little he would promise me things and i would be up waiting for something that would NEVER happen...i just want some advice should i talk to him and tell him how i feel even tho i did in the letters its like it went in one ear n out the other ...**HELP**

Answer 1

it sounds like your biological father needs to get his life straightened out before he can really be a good dad. it sucks, but it has nothing to do with you. do your best not to hate him, because it sounds like he's got enough to deal with already. tell him that he can be part of your life only when he's gotten himself cleaned up. in the mean time, it sounds like your other dad has been with you through thick and thin. i dont think that sharing someone's blood should have anything to do with being part of their family. if he's been man enough to stand by you and take care of you, and always been there with love and support, well, thats a real father in my book.

Answer 2

I also grew up w/ a daddy instead of my real father, so I know how you feel. My real father is a jerk and I have no relationship w/ him. The best thing to do in my opinion is just push your real father out of your life now while you are young, bc one day you will have children and you do not want your disappointments shadowing their lives. You already said that you have a daddy and that is all that matters. If the man that you call dad has been there for you through thick and thin then he will be there for you always in the future. Allow him to take the role that he has worked so hard for and allow yourself the chance to know what a real dad's love is. Believe me when you finally get up the nerve to say enough you will be so much happier in life. If it makes you feel any better I have nothing to do with my real mother or my real father but I still have a very strong loving relationship with the man who raised me. And as a result my parents marriage/divorce I now have two half sisters, a brother (dad's son), and a wonderful step mother.

Answer 3

My daughter just turned 12 and she is experienceing the same thing. WE both have tried talking to her dad and he does not accept that she does not want to deal with all his " drama " all the time. He had her believing him until this past year and now she sees why we divorced and she is seeing him fro what he truly is- A liar. IT is sad and hard to watch her go through this so I am so sorry for the pain that you have endured from this man.
You should try and talk to him about how you feel but do keep in mind that he may not listen simply because he feels like he can continue to lie his way out of every situation. If he continues to harass you with phone calls and letters you can write the prison/jail and ask that your name be on a " NO CONTACT " list. They will intercept his letters and you will not receive them. This lets the prison know and your dad know that you are moving on.
God BLess you sweetheart. You have a long hard road ahead.

Answer 4

Looks like your biological dad has serious problems. But aren't you lucky?!! You do have a great dad whom you love and cherish. It appears that you want your real father's attention, and that is quite understandable. But, if he has been unable to do it for you in the past 16 years, it may be true that he could be incapable of doing so even now.

My suggestion to you would be to take your mind of him and count your blessings - you have someone else in your life whom you cherish and who loves you obviously. If your real father does realise his mistakes, he will, someday, approach you with his feelings. Please dont reject him then. Just be kind and understanding at that time, even if that time comes after many years. For the time being, you just concentrate on your studies, or family or friends or whatever else you like doing.

Good luck.

Answer 5

Just leave him alone. Your life on this earth for 16 years has gone ok, well itw ould go even better if you forget about him. Daddy going to jail, isn't really a good sign. You need to let go, even though it is hard. All of your words andletters won't change anything, he has to change, which, maybe he will, and maybe he won't. Just have to wait it out.

Answer 6

A GOOD DAD PAYS ATTENTION TOHIS DAUGHTER AND RESPONDS TO HER CONCERNS AND QUESTIONS AND REQUESTS.
However, not all dad's deliver! Not all dad's are good but they are human.

If you hate your dad, try to resolve the issue on your personal level and do not wait for him to one day change. It could happen but if you dont focus on it and it happens it will be a surprise and good one for you. If it doesnt happen and continues to be the same, FORGET THE GUY.
Not all people are good parents, or all men good fathers.

If you have another dad who is good to you STICK WITH HIM and sad to say but if your dad ignores you , not to retaliate, but I think you need to ignore him too and maybe that way he will one day get the message.

Im sorry about it. I hope your dad is not on drugs. It sounds like he may be! Drugs cause people to procrastinate and not do what they need to.

Good luck!
ps if he is doing drugs suggest a counselor and leave it at that. Tell him you won't see him until he straightens up.

Answer 7

Tell him how you feel. If you are uncomfortable face to face, write him a letter. I have my daughter do this whenever she feels angry about her birthparents. I tell her to write it all down, let it all out and let it loose - the anger, the hatred, everything. Then rip it up, yell, stomp on it. It works great for her and the relief is wonderful. One of these days she'll actually send one and that will be okay, too but for now, this is what works for he. She's 12.

Answer 8

If your mothers husband ( the man you call dad) has been there all along then theres no contact needed with your biological father . He was a sperm donor and nothing more.You have your dad and thats all you need.Blood doesnt make a father , love and support do .

Answer 9

actually, the funny thing about this, is my biological father done the same thing, in and out of prison, lying to me and my sister, just tell him how you feel next time you write him or talk to him on the phone! thats what i did last year cuz i got sick and tired of the all the bullshit, and just flat out told him, i dont want anything to do with him and to leave me alone, im much happier without him around!

Answer 10

Anyone can be a father but it takes someone special to be a daddy. Your real father doesn't have what it takes to be a daddy. Let it go, he's proved what he is and what he isn't.