When we are with friends, he uses to do hold them, kiss them, and touch their hands in a way that seems to me too intimate… I really don't like it. Moreover, his friends do not behave the same way to me. I told him, but he said that it is nothing serious, just a joke and that those women just like it. But it still bothers me. When I try to tell him so, he usually becomes so offensive to me. Is it OK, or am I too sensitive? Please, tell me what to do?
2006-06-16 03:33:59 · 42 answers · asked by smiiile 2 in Health ➔ Mental Health
I think it would be okay if he were willing to admit that it was inappropriate, and to stop for your sake.
I work with a guy who's married and twice as old as me, yet he ALWAYS hits on me and talks about if we werent married. Its not so much that i feel confortable, or that i feel he's crossing lines, its the total lack of respect for his wife and my husband that he insists on displaying that totally repulses me.
I wouldnt turn a blind eye to it at all. If he refuses to admit that its wrong, that means he has though about how far he is willing to go with such a situation. Is he trying to have sex with another woman? I doubt thats what he's trying to do. but could a loose woman lure him into bed? I would put my money on it. He doesnt want to give up the attention and flirting he got before he was married, and thats something he vowed to give to you.
There are many ways to deal with this situation. But these are the ones i have found that work the best, and hurt the least. Men are like children, mothers dont raise husbands, wives do. Its the truth, so get ready to work.
If he has friends over, and you catch him touching another woman, plan yourself in the conversation, and then call attention to his actions. "John is such an attention hound, He thinks i dont notice him touching woman other than me" and then drop it, act like it was a TOTALLY normal topic of conversation. You're not saying it to stab at him, or make him squirm, you're saying it to call attention to whats happening. you're husband is trying to create these private magical moments with another woman, make them public, so SHE knows its not unseen, and HE knows its not unnoticed. Say things like "John doesnt respect our wedding vows." or "Johns not a person I can trust with my love." Just little things that point out his behavior.
If his mother is still living, or other family, i would point it out casually. "John would cheat on me if i didnt watch him." or "John is a very loose man." not in private, not whispering, just say it whenever you think you can work it into a conversation. Be sure to explain the whole situation to people. Dont keep it quiet. Dont keep his secrets.
This type of behavior in your husband requires confidence on his part that he can get away with it, and the security of knowing its quietly happening unnoticed. When you take those things away he is exposed to all his peers for what he is. A man who has no respect for his wife or marriage.
I would NOT pry into his private life. You'll have pleanty of time to get your point across without humiliating him at work, or on the golf course.
Second, you have to back this up with support for him as YOUR husband. That way his attention is broken from them, and he can focus it back on you. Take care to do the small things. Iron his clothes, make his breakfast, send him with an i love you note to work. Little things.
When he becomes upset with you about your reaction to this behavior, HOLD YOUR GROUND. If he can act in this way, its totally natural for you to expose it.
My grandmother taught this to me. And she was married for 54 years. My great grandmother had a similar approach. They sure do work. Old people know some things, especially about staying happily married.
hold tight lady!
2006-06-16 03:51:51 · answer #1 · answered by amosunknown 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
You are not too sensitive. That is disrespectful to you. If you were swingers and had agreed to that, then that is one thing, but being to physically intimate with other women without your consent goes way too far. Thank God for divorce, eh? Seek marriage counseling first, especially if you have kids. Try to convince him to stop. Otherwise, there are much better men out there.
What are the other women's husbands doing while he's behaving like this? I'm surprised they're still friends with him. I'd kick his butt if he did that to my wife.
2006-06-16 03:35:08 · answer #2 · answered by whirredup 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The next time he starts behaving that way, get flirty with a guy in the group. Simply repeat his actions - if he's stroking some woman's hand, stroke this guy's hand. If he puts his arm around her, put your arm around him. Mirror his every move. I have no doubt that he will become uncomforatble because he doesn't really see his moves as innocent.
If he's smart, he'll get the point and stop what he's doing immediately. If not, he may mention something later, and you can make your point then.
2006-06-16 03:40:36 · answer #3 · answered by FozzieBear 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, it is NOT OK. Anything that makes you uncomfortable, he should STOP. He is disrespecting you and the other women. I hate when men other than my husband are touching on me. I bet those women don't like it either and if they do, that's worse. Tell him how much it bothers you and if he won't respect your wishes, I would examine the whole of my marriage and I'll bet there are more problems, so get marriage counseling.
2006-06-16 03:53:53 · answer #4 · answered by butrcupps 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wake up!! How do you walk without a spine? He is your husband, and no matter what, should never touch, kiss, or hug any other woman if it makes you feel uncomfortable. Tell him that you do not care what those women like. You do not want him doing that stuff anymore. Period. He wouldn't like it if you did that with other men. Flirting is cheating's ugly cousin...nip it in the bud before you end up divorced because of adultery.
2006-06-16 03:40:00 · answer #5 · answered by Another Nickname 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok this gets a little tricky because of course you want him to stop but he won't. I disagree with others that you have to sit him down and yell and scream untill he does your bidding. Because that will ONLY :
A. Make you even more miserable
B> Make him hide it
C> He will get resentful and then it will carry over to other parts of your relationship
So My OPINION/advice is to either accept his behavior or decide to not put up with it.
IT is THAT SIMPLE! not to be rude but sometimes we like to overcomplicate things but break it down into the basics and stop trying to over analyze.
If you want, have a conversation with him when both of yall are cooled down and talk strictly about how it makes YOU feal. DOnt talk about him and his behavior because you cant control him any more than I can control him and I dont even know him.
he is a big boy and must make his own decisions and YOU have to stay or move on
2006-06-16 06:23:07 · answer #6 · answered by Kris 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look I don't want to be the cause of a break up but seriously what he is doing is wrong and if he doesn't care for your feelings then he doesn't care about you girl..
You sound like you can't live with out him that's why you let him get away with these actions..
Why would you let him get away with touching and playing around with other girls around you.. you must really love this guy or think you can't get another if you leave him.. I don't mean to be crule up it's the way it seems..
I feel sorry for you having to put up with his actions.
Good luck.
2006-06-16 03:44:36 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I t sounds like he can behave this way is because you don't put your FOOT down!! be aggressive and assertive and tell him that is Very inappropriate for a" Married man" ( we must remind them,they can be boys at times) to behave in this manner. He may take offense to the other husband if this situation arises,and may be very serious if he pi**es the other husband off!! so warn him that he needs to back off, for his safety sake and YOUR MARRIAGE!! GOOD LUCK.
2006-06-16 05:06:23 · answer #8 · answered by alohalilreddiva 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bottom line is that he is disrespecting you & that's just not right. Tell him that he is disrespecting you and see if that puts a stop to it. Maybe he doesn't realize that it truly does bother you.
No, you're not being too sensitive, if it bothers you then he should stop PERIOD. Would you intintally do something that you KNEW bothered him, probably not...he should have the same respect for you..
Good Luck, Marilyn
2006-06-16 03:37:02 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is not ok if it is bothering you and he doesn't seem to care. Yes, to me that is going over the boundaries between a man and a women. How do these women react to his come-ons? I guess I would be a slight bit offended and I would feel as another women that he was disrespecting you by doing this to me.
2006-06-16 03:37:01 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may need to discuss this with a therapist. He seems to long for the touch of a woman no matter if it is you or someone else. Talk this out or get out. It will only hurt more in the end.
2006-06-16 03:37:23 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋