I don't understand the entire "I trust you, but not him?" Can someone explain?

Question

If the parent trusts their child and knows how exceptional they are, why aren't they able to trust the person they want to see? The child's upbringings and their background should determine if you can trust their decisions and friends, shouldn't it? I think that at the end of the day it is up to your child to make good or bad choices, isn't it??

Answer 1

I think the thing is that Teens are impressionable. Teens do alot of things they know are wrong or will get them in trouble to be cool or popular or to get a boy/girl to like them. Parents know what they taught the child but they don't know what the child will do when pressured.

Answer 2

I just had this conversation with my daughter's father. My daughter is 16 and she talks on the phone constantly with this boy who lives where her father lives. She constantly wants to be at her father's house saying she's "bored" at home but I told him it's due to this boy, and not that she just loves her daddy so much she has to spend every weekend there and now wants to stay the summer. He works two jobs and is never home and he can't understand why I want her at home? I think we are both good parents; we strive to work together for her good and she has morals and knows right from wrong and we both trust her. But she's also a child. She's blossoming into a young woman and sometimes even though we KNOW the right things to do, we don't always DO what's right. Even as adults. So yes, while I trust my daughter, I know full well how friends and boys have a way of influencing the decisions she will make. She's not perfect and if she really likes this boy, even if she knows it's wrong, even if she knows it's not what I want or her dad wants, she'll eventually do some things that SHE wants to do. The thing is, why put her in the position to have to make that choice? If you see your child around someone who you know isn't good for them, you can't just say well "I trust him/her to do the right thing". Our jobs are to protect them as much as we can from the obvious harms, and hope that what we've taught them will stand them in the end during the harms we can't see. However, it's best to keep in mind that birds of a feather flock together and if they are hanging out with a crowd, they will only resist doing the wrong thing for so long. They will either find new friends, or aquiesce.

Answer 3

As to the good or bad choices at the end of the day, what if the choice is taken away from you? Whether it be him forcing himself on you or when I was dating this one guy, I was at his house with a few friends talking. I was just heading for the door, when the police in full body armor came busting through the door. I almost went to jail that day. Turns out the older brother was boot-legging alcohol in a dry county and under the suspicion of owning fully automatic weapons. He was boot-legging, but the other was untrue. But at the end of the day, I only stopped to say hi and was leaving when the leaving choice was taken away from me. It all could have been worse. Innocent people got caught up in his dealings. So no matter how much your child can be trusted, if you don't know the other person, who knows what can happen. Parents don't know how the other will respond to different situations. Why don't you let your parents meet him?

Answer 4

It was the same way when I was a teenager. My parents didn't trust the guys I was dating, but I thought they were caring, genuine, and cool. Turns out, my parents were right. There was only one that my parents approved of, and he was the only one that ended up really being a good guy. They've lived through what you're going through right now. You should trust their judgment as much as you want them to trust yours. At the same time, they need to realize that you are becoming an adult and need to live and learn and start making some decisions on your own too. One more thing you have to think about. Parents are only going to trust a select few outstanding people with their children at any given time. There are a lot of strange, perverted, and psycho people out there now. And they may know that you'll make the right choices, but you never know when someone is going to harm you. Parents think about that all the time. I know, I am one.

Answer 5

Well yes absolutely but within limits.... they are children and there is a lot that they want to learn from us so you can't expect a 14 year old child to make an intelligent decision with 28 peers pressuring them to do what they are doing... I would hope the very same thing for my children when the time comes but the truth of the matter remains some children put up a face in front of their parents and peers and the face they put up in front of you could be the lie. That's how I was with my mother... I told her what I was and wasn't going to do and then... when the time came I would do what I wanted to. Just be realistic and use your best judgment.... sounds like you have so far, if you trust your child.

Answer 6

A child's upbringing and background are not the preferred indicators of trustworthiness, their actions are. At the end of the day, parents often have to live with their children's good and bad choices. That loss of control is what prompts parents to try to stack the deck in their favor, often by choosing their children's friends. The risk is assessed as the combination of the likelihood of something bad happening and the consequences of the bad thing. What children lack is the ability to consider these likelihoods ("that won't happen to ME") and all of their consequences. That kind of thing usually comes with experience, which children lack.

Keep in mind that often parents know things that the kids don't know - that often influences their decisions as well.

Answer 7

Because people are not always honest and just because you can trust your child - that doesn't mean the other person has been honest with your child.
At the end of the day the only thing I want to know is that my child is safe and if he has made bad or good choices he has learned from them.

Answer 8

It means that they have yet to know him. The phrase really indicate that they want to prevent from the grieve that you would face if something bad were to happen to you. You do not know a person eventhough he can seem to be good.
Why do you think parents get a divorce when they think that they like the other person before? Were they not good enough to judge the other person before agreeing to commit their lifes together?
Listen to your parents, they know when you are old enough to really go out with somebody or get him to know your parents so that they build up their confidence towards him. If he refuses to come to see your parents, he is not worth holding on to. don't you think?

Answer 9

It is, but you have to see where everyone is coming from. the parents cant protect the child forever and the child cant ask the parents to stop caring. both sides need to come to an agreement.

Answer 10

It sure is, but I do think as a parent we are responsible for our children well being. This means that if we have a particular concern about the judgment of one of your friends, (especially since you are still young and impressionable no matter how responsible you are) it is our job to express this concern and place limits if we feel it's necessary. Please understand this is done out of love and concern for you.