How To Save A Torn Family?

Question

Part 1
I am 28 and my brother is 38 we are 10 years apart, but it seams that we are galaxies away. My father was once married to lady when he was 20something they had a baby boy but she left one day leaving behind my brother. At that time he was around 1 plus, my father was a guitarist and was always on the road. So he dad to leave my brother behind with his elder’s sister which is still not married till today. My aunt adopted him and became a single mother during her youth. I really respect my aunt because she wasn’t my father’s real sister. He too was adapted in to her family, as years passed my fatter begin to settle down in a town where he and his band stayed. They would work in the day and perform at night.

Part 2
He mat a lady in this club and got interested in her, soon they got married and I was born. My brother was so happy that he had a baby brother, and come all the way to our town to see me and live with my father. At that time both of my parents was working at that club. They didn’t have time to look after both my brother and me. They choose to take me only, I am sure it’s because I was a new born child. Then my brother was sent back to my aunt and after that he was an unhappy with his life. I am sure he wanted a family, he was10 when I was born. I grew up never knowing him but my mom would tell me stories that I am not her only son that I have an older brother. I would away ask where he is, I want to see him. They will only show me pictures and letter from him.

Part 3
One day he came by our house and had a word with me. Then he went off nobody know where did he go. I will away remember what he said that day. “Appreciate what you got; some people will never appreciate what they have”. I knew his face so I called him brother; he starred at me for a brief moment. Are you staying with us now, I asked him. He gave me a hug and then, that was the last we ever saw him. My aunt received a letter saying he will be going to the city and he doesn’t want to bother her anymore.

Part 4
Now I m working in the city as an Architect just recently I saw him in a club he was a DJ there. The last time I saw him I was 12, I wonder does he still remember me. I am going to that club this Saturday; I need to have a word with him. I wonder is it a right thing to do or not? Will I be making him angry or happy, but why didn’t he give us a call or even write us a letter? The person that I petty the most now is my aunt, she is left alone in that house we only visit her once a year. I wish he would forgive me for taking away his life. I want a brother to love, he doesn’t know I to grew up in a hollow family.

Part 5
After years of saving money my mother and father got cheated by a get rich scheme. We had to sell the house, the cars and even my education funds. But that was not the big matter, my mom was in depression during that time and she was pregnant with my little brother. When my little brother was born he didn’t have a brain. He died after a few minutes. That caused my mother to go into shock. After her recovery she seem a bit distance from us. She started to hate my dad and the apartment that we were staying now. I didn’t mind staying there. But I just hate what has happen to the family that was one warm and happy.

Part 6
I left there to go into the city to work and study Architecture. I got my degree and now I m practicing in the city. As for my brother I heard that he worked in many odd places. And went to jail once or twice, is this happens to people that loose faith in life. I want to help him, but I m a afraid he wont accept me. I

Answer 1

WOW... I HAVE HAD A COMPLICATED LIFE WITH MY SISTER WHO IS JEALOUS OF MY LIFE AND WHAT I DO...
I THINK YOU SHOULD TRY TO SEE HIM TALK WITH HIM MAKE SURE HE KNOWS THAT YOU WANTED HIM TO BE THERE.. BECAUSE HE MAY NOT KNOW THAT.. HE MAY THINK THAT YOU WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH HIM..
AS HE WENT TO JAIL HE PROBABLY DID THAT BECAUSE HE LOST HIS FAMILY HE HAD HIS AUNT YES BUT HE NEEDED A MOM AND A DAD.. AND HIS SIBLING..
I AM SORRY THAT YOU LOST YOUR BABY BROTHER.. AND I HOPE THAT YOUR MOM CAN GET OUT OF THE DEPRESSION CAN TO TRY TO THINK OF THE POSITIVE..
I KNOW ITS NOT EASY TO LOSE A CHILD... I ALMOST LOST MY DAUGHTER SHE WAS BORN TOO EARLY HER LUNGS WERENT FULLY DEVELOPED ..
I AM GOING DAY BY DAY DEALING WITH MY SISTER TRYING TO THINK WWJD .. IN MY SITUATION.. AND WHEN MY DAUGHTER DIDNT CRY WHEN SHE WAS BORN I WAS SO SCARED I PRAYED TO GOD PLEASE HAVE MY DAUGHTER LIVE... WITH PRAYER ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE WITH GOD AND WITH PPL WHO BELIEVE IN MIRACLES...
TRY TO GET TO YOUR BROTHER BY JUST TELLING HIM I LOVE YOU _____ I DONT KNOW HIS NAME BUT YOU DO... ANYWAYS GET THIS ON A PRAYER CHAIN AT YOUR LOCAL CHURCH OR THE CHURCH YOU GO TO TO HAVE THEM PRAY FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY... TO KNOW WHAT TO SAY TO YOUR BROTHER...
GOD BLESS AND I WILL PRAY FOR YOU....

Answer 2

Jeez what a long story!
Once a happy family? Don't think so. It seems to me you have a very difficult time in looking things the way your brother does. That is, you just can't fit his shoes. Your brother can hardly see the same family you see because most likely he feels he was abandoned when too young to deal with it.
If you don't try to contact him you will be recycling the same abandonment your family has always offered him. Yes, he is abandoning his own mother/aunt, but that's a result of his sentimental handicaps. Maybe you could face some resentment from him against you since you where given something he was denied, but my guess is his claims will we against your father and his mother. Maybe you will have a hard time coping with him, but you should have better conditions to solve the breach between both than he will.
Do you really want to have a brother? Sure? Then be strong, try once and again, he must be convinced that someone can really care about him.
Your wrote "we don't visit my aunt". Why don't "you" visit her? Better still, why don't you and your brother visit her? Don't let your aunt die without having him around.

Answer 3

at one point you said you had taken your parents away from your brother.You did nothing you could help but be in a disfunctional family(I THINK MORE FAMILIES ARE DISFUNCTIONAL THAN WE KNOW) Try to not focus on who did what to whom.All the adults invovled probably felt quilty or didn't realize the effect on you of knowing you had a brother but that was all.You seem to have done well with your life and feel like you would like to tye up some loose ends.Talk to your brother,tell him how you feel not about your parents so much if he responds well and you think you could have a relationship then go for it. but ifyou feel hecould be a bad influence or criminally inclined,etc then walk away knowing you did all you could to create a relationship from wreckage you had nothing to do with.I know people who lived together as siblings and have nother to do with each other.we all want to have family and be close.It many times doesn't work that way. but I admire you because you are obviously a survivor and a caring person with a good heart.Just blame your self for things that were not under your control.Continue to be as kind and as thoughtful as you are and accept the fact that there are so many things we could not have changed then but from now on do what you feel is right. You sound as if you are a person who could make a real difference in the world.Good luck and go for it.

Answer 4

it is not your fault that your parents kept you and your brother was sent to the aunt. im sure that your aunt did the best that she could for your brother.

your brother could resent you because you had the parents and he was shipped off to the aunt.

why havent your parents tried to get to know your brother? is there some problem there? and why havent the parents stayed in contact with the aunt?

why would your mother tell you that you arent her only son when she apparently did not give birth to your brother? i dont understand that when she did not raise your brother. are there other kids out there that you dont know about?

your brother probably felt rejected by your parents and has some issues with your parents.

by all means try to talk to your brother, but dont expect all sunshine and light. he was not raised by your parents and he might feel that he was abandoned and you showing up might bring the feelings back.

i wish you both the best

Answer 5

Dear Friend, Your story is quite overwhelming. I do not know what to say except to go see your brother and have a long talk with him. Tell him you love him and you want to have a relationship with him. Do not ask so many questions, just be there for him. I know he loves you like you love him. I am so sorry to hear that your lives were so caotic. Now is the time to get things right. Go see him and
Good Luck. May the Good Lord Bless You.

Answer 6

First, do not renounce out of your process. Talk for your boss or human assets and discover out if you'll take an improved depart of absence. Second, do not simply plan to journey together with your brother, discover out if he might just like the manufacturer. Third, discover out what he's death from. Maybe he's simply understanding that his lifestyles is relocating on and he hasn't performed whatever he desired to do, a few humans make lists of matters they wish to do with their lives and a few accomplish this record, others do not. Also, if he's death from anything, get the information - what's the diagnosis. You do not wish to be in an extra nation and he must die and you then must work out methods to get his frame residence for burial. Talk for your household. Pray and examine what you wish to do, but in addition don't forget what he could wish.

Answer 7

my mother married a man when i was 4 and he had two children, who were 10 and 9 years older then me. when i was 5, my stepsister who was 15 came to live with us for a year, i looked up to her, she was hero, when she left, we never heard from her again, when i was 21, i ran into someone who used to be friends of the family way back when and said that she had contact with my step sister, said rhonda always talked bout how she wondered what happened with me, gave me her number, and we kept in contact, she has never talked to her dad (my stepfather) again, its been 20 years, sometimes you cant repair some relationships but other relationships just takes time, you should go talk to your brother, i know he remembers you, he may not recognize you, but i'm sure he's as curious about you as you are him

Answer 8

I am left a little speechless! You cannot feel responsible for the choices your parents made. Extend yourself to your brother , but not be pushy. He may not feel bad towards you at all and you won't know untill you try. you cannot make someone behave or react a certain way. but you need to know in your heart you tried. good luck. I don't know what to tell you about your parents though, I have a ton of issues in that depart. but not the brother dept., we are very close now as adults

Answer 9

You and your brother are adults now maybe/hopefully the 2 of you can get past the past and move on to rebuilding the brotherly bond ? I would go see him at the club if you don't you will always regret it and ask yourself what if's for the rest of your life and if he doesn't want to see you well that might hurt you but at least you would know what to do. Good luck !!!

Answer 10

This story makes me very sad. It sounds alot like my cousin and his situation. I would say that you need to see your brother and get things resolved. If you think that you have nothing to be thankful for, read a book by David Pelzer. It will change your life.

If you are a praying man, I would pray about my situation and for my brother.

I will be praying for you.

Answer 11

DO GO FIND HIM BUT DONT GO INTO IT WITH A HOLE PILE OF EXPECTATIONS (I DID THAT WHEN I FOUND MY BROTHER AND WHEN HE FOUND OUT ABOUT HIS OTHER SIBLING IT WAS TO MUCH TO HANDLE HE WAS AN ALCOHOLIC AS WELL , HE LEFT TOWN I NEVER SEEN HIM AGAIN ) TAKE IT SLOW ONE MEETING TO THE NEXT GET TO KNOW HIM HE MAY HAVE HELP FOR YOU IN FORGIVING YOUR SELF EVEN THOUGH YOU DID NOTHING WRONG, YOU AND HE WERE VICTIMS OF YOUR PARENTS CIRCUMSTANCES NOT YOUR OWN .