if i told my bf how important it is to me that he starts divorce proceedings against his wife and he gets?

Question

defensive, tells me i am being insecure and tells me that it is because of money (when i told him about the 'do it yourself ' package) should i take this as a slap in the face? i told him last night i couldnt be with him anymore, or at least until he started on the divorce and he would have to move out until he got it together. he told me that if i couldnt live with it then he guessed he needed to find somewhere else to go. talk about a blow. it really hurt. i would think a piece of paper would be an easy thing to do to save our relationship and my feelings. im feeling kinda used. what should i do?

Answer 1

It sounds like he has the insecurity problems! He doesn't want to finalize the divorce because he wants the attention from you and from the wife to boost his confidence! If he isn't willing to go through the divorce to make you happy then he isn't in the relationship with you for the right reasons. I know it will be hard and might take a while but you probably need to try to move on if he doesn't start to change and realize how the fact that he is still married but is with you is bothering you! Maybe give him the ol' what if you were in my shoes scenario?! I'm sure he wouldn't like if you were together and you were still married and refused to finalize the divorce? He definitely needs to prove to you that he is in it for you and him, not just for himself! If he isn't capable of doing that then he isn't worth your time. You have sacrificed already to be with him knowing he was still married so he should honor what you have done and return the favor!

Answer 2

What's up with you??? First, a MARRIED man?!?!?!? Then, needing to TELL him to start the divorce proceedings!!! I'm positive you know where this type of relationship will go - same place as now, only you could be the "wife". Dangerous situation - have a little empathy - put yourself in the wife's shoes for a minute - now, how would you feel????? Stay away from married men - most have no intention to make any changes in their family life. If they do, they will do it again and again. These types are never satisfied and get bored very quickly. Why a married man, any way? There are single guys out there that are more than willing to go the distance. Some take a little longer than others to realize marriage is not a "life sentence"!

Answer 3

You are being used and you should dump this clown and move on.
Getting involved with somebody married is usually a bad move unless all the parameters are made clear at the get go. If it's agreed at the start you are going to get together once in a while for some casual sex, that's one thing. But getting "deeply" involved before this guy has actually left his wife sets you up for disappointment. His relationship with his wife may not be that bad, he may just be stringing you along for some fun on the side, never intending to leave his wife at all. Do you really know?
You need to be straight up with this guy and say that you two are over until he really dumps his wife. But from the comments you say he made to you, I think you already have your answer.
Dump him and move on.

Answer 4

First kick him to the curb. Seriously why would you want to be w/ a guy who is married to someone else? If he loved you he would NOT put you in this situation. My advice is to NEVER get involved w/ someone who is married or in a relationship. USED? That is an understatement. Run as far away from this man as you can.

Next, start working on you. Build up your self esteem. Figure out why it is that you would allow some guy to run all over you and why you would want to be w/ someone who is not available. It's not about him, it's about you here. Once you work on yourself and are happy w/ who you are the right guy will come along. Probably when you least expect it.

There are more men out there,, ones that will be good to you so why settle for one that is married, takes advantage of you, and uses you? Don't listen to him as he tries to get back in your good graces, not worth it. Spend your time on yourself for a while and hold your head high.

Answer 5

Ok, why would he divorce his wife? He has been dating you and being able to stay married with little to no repercussions. You have obviously had this discussion with him before, but have not made good on your "shape up or ship out" threats. He has all of the power here, and in order to salvage some self respect, you are going to need to take it back! The only way to do that is to make good on your ultimatums. The bigger question is are you ready to do that? Just FYI... married men who date generally make bad bfs because it is CLEAR that they have some commitment issues. You should demand to be somebody's main course, not the side item.

Answer 6

some men like to have more than one woman at a time and it might be that you're man doesnt want to let you or his wife go. Or maybe she hurt him and hes not over it yet. Give him some time anyway so he can give a real anwer and if nothing takes place within a few days then leave him and dont think twice about it.

Answer 7

This is very characteristic of involvements with married men. You are being used by this man who is not able to commit to you or support you emotionally as you need and wish. You must move on and sever ties with this man. I know it's easier said than done as you probably have very deep attachment to him. But, in the end, you will recover, heal, and attract deep, lasting, and available love to yourself. Call a marsvenus coach for immediate support and guidance.

Answer 8

throw him out!! first off been here before, he's only holding on to this wife for two reasons , so he can fall back on her if it dosent work out for u the other either he still loves her and this is just a fling. i dont know how lolng they have been seperated and if they dont have kids there is no reason to wait. honey let me tell u i told my bofriend i was moving out unless he did it and he had a kid he wasnt gona string me along and at that ime i moved in with a friend in one week after the decision i made to move out he came to me and showed me proof he filed in the court sytem. if he loves u hell do it now my husbnad and i have been married for 5 but we been together for 11 years now and hes been divorced for 8 years so if its meant to be its mean to be

Answer 9

Honey, you NEED to move on because if he really loved you then he would have BEEN got the divorce papers a long time ago.

Answer 10

If you had to mention for him to get this done then I really think that should of said something to you then. He should be telling you oh I did this today and this is what my lawyer said and blah blah. If he is being defensive over nothing that means he is still doing something. Please open your eyes. Look and think outside your box, if your girlfriend was saying this to you, what would you tell her as a friend.

Good Luck!