Embarrassment, anyone?

Question

How do you feel when you are embarrassed?

Why do you believe you are affected this way?
Do you think it's a learned or naturally encoded response or behaviour?
Or --> CAN WE simply CHOOSE not to react with embarrassment?
Do you believe that some people use embarrassment as an excuse to control or even to escape the control of others?

I'm asking this because I genuinely believe that I have never felt embarrassed, and I would like to be more empathetic to those who believe they are (easily) embarrassed.

Okay, ok -
I know it sounds really ridiculous that I say I've never felt embarrassed, but I sincerely believe this is true.

Have I ever done something really stupid in front of others? Sure! You betcha!! I just figure it was pretty damned funny, and that quite shortly, I'll be nominated as a Poster Child for the Pratfall Society of America...or something wacky like that.

So in my question, what I'm really searching for are not the stories (as much as I would appreciate them), but instead -- What are the triggers and sensations or thoughts that you experience when you say, "Oh! I was so embarrassed!"

I'm also really wondering if it's a natural (not common, but natural) experience that gets unnaturally drilled into people with shame and cutting criticism...Something like that.

Thanks for your candid answers

WOW! What great answers! Keep 'em coming...

Answer 1

I, personally, don't believe in being embarrassed. There are times when I start to feel embarrassed about some dumbass thing I did, but then I just say why? So, I do choose not to react with embarrassment, but generally it doesn't even come to mind to begin with. It is just as much nature as it is nurture. People are born with certain traits, others are developed or augmented by their environment.

When it comes to embarrassment, it seems to be a matter of how sensitive someone is to the opinions and approval of others and of their self confidence. Of course, it's not always the case, but I think I just have the self confidence to say it doesn't matter that someone thinks I'm an idiot for what I just did (what difference does it make in the grand scheme of things?), whereas someone else would be in hell because someone is now judging them based on this stupid thing they just did. In some cases, it seems to be a gut reaction. "This is the kind of thing that people get 'embarrassed' about, so I should say it was embarrassing," when really, the person didn't feel anything. It's more a way to express the environment and situation. You understand what the situation was if I tell you something "embarrassing" happened. It can become no more than an adjective in the story, not a true expression of what was felt.

As for being more sympathetic (you can't be empathetic if you have never experienced it), just remember that different people react in different ways, different things have different meanings to different people, etc. When someone says they were embarrassed, accept that they had a negative experience and react accordingly. Supportive, but not to the point of egging it on.

Answer 2

Interesting quandary....

I have been embarassed only a few times in life, so perhaps I'm not the one to answer this question.

I will say this: in response to the first part of your question....
How do I feel when embarassed??? well, embarassed.

It's kinda like a cross between shame / self dissapointment / fear.

People that embarass easily have ego issues.
They have a need to others feel a certain way about them, or view them in a particular way.

I could go on, but others will hopefully fill in the blanks I've left behind.

I would say, however, that your empathy issue is one of your own.
Even though I don't get embarassed, I am always sympathic to the woes of others.

The issue here may not be that of not understanding "embarrassment", it could be one of not understanding people.

Cheers

Answer 3

Typically I don't get embarrassed I usually laugh right at myself when I do something someone else would consider embarrassing. Yes I think we can choose to act without embarrassement, I think embarrassement has a lot to do with a persons self esteem. In my experience it seems to me the shy ones are the ones who tend to be embarrassed the easiest. Not saying that's bad, that's just my observation. I don't know if I could see someone using it as an excuse to control, but I can see someone using it as a way to escape control of others. When I think of control of others I think of peer pressure

Answer 4

depends of the values that person was teach at home
to be shy, to talk respectfully ,to say hello to other people you are with,to say thanks ,not to shout in public ,not to ask personal questions in a society ,no need to talk about your sex parties or of others present in that conversation ........not to be rude .....try to read some etiquette and class behavior and you will understand what is embarrassing
or find the definition on Internet
it will help you
success
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well you fill embarrassed when somebody else does that to you ,and you fill like you wish you never had been there and you would pay him back twice for that
you fill in the worst place at the wrong time
some get angry ,some are crying ,some just live and swear revenge

Answer 5

'I believe the only way to feel embarrassed is by choosing to. We feel embarrassed subconsciously because we are programmed growing up to care about what others think of us. If we choose to not care about others perceptions of us in and of itself and continue with our same behaviors in life (good and bad) then we might be successful in eliminating embarrassment. But if we live purposefully and purely, trying to do good in all things, i.e thoughts, actions, then we WILL be successful in eliminating the weight of others perceptions of us. Thereby eliminating embarrassment. That is a very liberating achievement. Now if you have never felt embarrassed and yet experience negative thoughts about others (including yourself) or commit negative deeds, then you might be a sociopath. Hope that helped.

Answer 6

I think one can choose not react with embarassment. When I am in an "embarassing" situation, I ease my way out by making it appear that the incident is purely ok - that it can happen to anyone. I also immediately try (successfully) to deflect people's attention from the moment to some other aspect. It workd all the time. It all is a matter of one's confidence.

Answer 7

When I get embarrassed.. My face feels hot and my heart feels like it's beating out of my chest. Needless to say I don't like feeling this way.I don't run from it, but I do believe people do use it to control others..at least they think they can.I'm not sure if it's nature or what though.I feel that I can't help it.

Answer 8

i get embarrassed often. my face gets red and i feel really warm and nauseas and i want to die. i get like this because of how i was raised. i was taught not to speak unless i had something to say and not to talk to strangers and all that jazz. i was also unlucky enough to attend a school where we didnt talk in front of the class at all. so now where im at a part in my life i have to talk in front of people, i get hugely embarrassed. it all depends on how you were raised. its a birth thing for me, and i know i will never truly get over ALL of it, though over time i get more used to speaking and its not as bad.

Answer 9

By nature we are all sinners,If you do not feel embarrassed or shame,it might be a spiritual problem?

Answer 10

i think knowledge is a solution of the embarrassment.