What the best way to parent a 3yr old who is outta control?

Question

My daughter doesnt listen to me or her father. we try so hard but still everyday she acts up. I feel so over whelmed. I have tried everything time out, spakings , talking to her , yelling.. I watch nanny 911 lol..
I dont go out that much because of how she acts. I get imbaressed and frustrated. It is also puttin strain on my relationship with my boyfriend/her daddy.
Its not like she is deprived, she gets everything she wants. Idk what to do??????????

Answer 1

Don't use time outs. They only cause resentment and are shaming to a child. Time outs are a way for you to control your child but not a way for a child to learn self-control. Stop yelling, spankings, and negotiating as well. You do not want to punish your child, you want to discipline them.

You don't need to give your daughter everything she wants if it is a burden to you. It is okay for you to say no. If she gets use to getting everything she wants, she will be more difficult as she grows older. You could have a shopping rule. For example, when you go shopping she can have one thing (within your limits). If she is unhappy that she cannot get more, say to her "You can have the doll or the stickers." It is also okay to tell her that you are not giving her a choice. It will take practice, but she will learn soon that you do not give into her every desire.

Try and use logical consequences whenever possible. Taking away a toy or privileges when your child misbehaves is not a logical consequence. Taking away a toy if your child throws it or is destructive with it is logical. These are some other examples of logical consequences. If your child makes a mess, they clean it. If your child breaks a toy, it goes in the trash. If your child damages something in the home, money comes out of their piggy bank or he earns money doing things around the house to pay for the damages. Let the type of discipline fit the crime.

Another technique you can try when your child is misbehaving is this. As soon as he or she misbehaves, get down to their level and say "I don't like when you (explain what and why)." Take them gently by the hand and put them in a spot in your home (his/her room, the couch.) Say "When you're ready to (listen, stop, behave) then you can come back with me." This is not a time out because you are not giving a time limit (you controlling your child). Your child returns when they are ready to control themselves. You may have to take your child back to the spot a few times before they get the message. Thank him/her when he/she behaves. Keep it up!

Find ways to help your child learn to express emotions. Say things like "I can tell that you are (upset, angry, mad, hurt, frustrated). What can we do about that?"

Notice when your child is not misbehaving. Say things like "You worked on that for a long time! Look how high you can climb! You used so many colors on that picture!" These are intrinsic motivators rather than extrinsic rewards ("Good job," stickers, candy). These phrases are great confidence builders.

Set limits, follow through, and offer choices, not chances. "No" should mean "No" the first time you say it. Say "Yes" as much as possible. Be patient and consistent. Good luck!

Answer 2

I only recommend this solution when all else has failed. If you have honestly tried your level best to gain her co-operation through the usual methods of time outs, counting to five before taking action, removing favorite toys as punishment or other privileges, a swat or two on her bottom and she is still playing the Diva role, hitting the high notes on every possible occasion, than try the following:

Prepare a few small containers of water (the colder the better) and wait for a particularly bad tantrum. When she has hurled herself to the floor and is laying there kicking and screaming, dash the water in her face. Just enough to get her attention. The shock will shut her up immediately.Than put the container down and walk away from her. If she decides to continue with her tantrum after the initial shock has worn off, wait until she is in full roar, than do the same again. Eventually she will begin really crying, as opposed to the hysteria she has been previously showing. At this point you can guide her somewhere that you can both sit comfortably and explain that you do love her but you cannot put up with such bad behavior anymore. She must learn to act "the way nice little girls are supposed to act." Tell her that every time she behaves badly you will have to get the water and wash the bad out of her. After awhile you should only have to make a move towards fetching the water for her to pipe down. Once she is not screaming about every little thing (you can do the same thing if she is throwing stuff) than you have a chance to get her attention other ways. It will take time, but the key is to get her attention and you haven't managed to do that yet.

Be prepared to have a fairly good little girl at home and a brat in public. She will throw a wing-dinger of a tantrum the first time you take her anywhere. Get yourself a squirt gun and keep it handy. If she starts her performance in the car, squirt her immediately. Take a towel along to tidy her up. Once you are in a store, you should only have to show her the gun (make sure its bright green and looks like a space toy, lol!) for her to settle down. She doesn't want to look like a fool in public anymore than you do. She doesn't realize what she looks like when she's throwing a tantrum. She just knows she's in control. You have to turn the tables on her.

I know this sounds cruel but it really isn't. She's much more at risk while heaving herself around in a tantrum. Keep in mind that timing is key here and place your shots accordingly! Joking a little here! I promise you it will work. Once the power struggle is over, you should be able to civilize the rest of her behavior with more traditional methods.

Answer 3

Don't give in to her every wim, and be strong this is not going to be easy. You need to make clear rules and if she breaks them there has to be some form of fair punishment like the naughty step, you will have to persist though and dont give up or she has won.
You cant let a 3 year old rule your life you are the parent take control and let her know that you are not a push over, try and talk to her i find that works with my daughter alot and if she does something wrong try and explain what she has done and why you are upset with her good luck and dont let it ruin your relationship with her dad.

Answer 4

Sounds like she gets way too much. Time to set some limits! Age 3 is difficult, at best. Use some time-outs, reward good behaviors, and get her interested in doing something! You may need to take her to a child psychologist to get you started. Also, try some play dates with children of her own age. As for you, have daddy babysit at least once a week so you can get out for a couple of hours. You do need breaks from your child, and then you'll feel better equipped to handle her. Good luck!

Answer 5

First, stop giving her everything she wants! No child is going to listen to their parents all the time, but keep setting limits and enforcing the punishments for breaking the rules. Also, give rewards for good behavior. I found a program that helps keep my 4 year old in check: www.myrewardsboard.com, we use this to keep track of what he's done (or not done) and at the end of the week if he's earned enough "Stickers" he gets an allowance. It has really helped us.

Answer 6

What are you doing to take care of yourself? Are you finding a way to rest and eat well? Are you taking time for yourself each day even if it's a ten minute walk? A frazzled, tired and frustrated mommy can't step back from the situation and assess things as clearly as a rested (relatively speaking), calm and happy mommy.

Start today to make a commitment to yourself to take care of you. The rest will come much easier when you aren't so stressed.

Answer 7

May I suggest that you try the reward a consequence method. Reward her when she does something right, and continue to give her consequences when she does wrong. Normally this is a stage to see how far she can push you to see if you will give in to her behavior, but if you stand your ground and continue to discipline her over time she will learn that she can't put one past you. If this continues and you feel you have done everything consult her doctor and she what he advices.

Answer 8

First of all, you give her everything she wants. Can you say SPOILED? Secondly, she does it for attention, she doesn't care what kind of attention, as long as it is attention.

I have 3 children, they all go through the stage of how far can I go before I get punished.

Let her run. Keep an eye out so she doesn't get hurt, but let her run herself out. It is just a phase and that too shall pass.

Answer 9

Ignore her. Pretend you don't see or hear her, and don't interact with her. Fix her food and leave it on the table. This sounds extreme, she will cry because she'll want attention, but she should start listening to you after a day or too of this kind of treatment.

Answer 10

The problem is that she gets everything she wants. You now have a spoiled child on your hands. Learn to say no and ignore tantrums.