my mom and dad are fighting and my dad keeps yelling at me saying that i am causing trouble but i know iam not

Question

i dont know what i should do because i know that i am not causing the problem i have 4 sister 3 wich are younger and 1 older would not they also be to blame or what

Answer 1

You are definitely not to blame for your parents fights, neither are your other siblings. Your parents are adults, and adults create their own problems. They brought you into this world, and you are their responsibility. I think sometimes adults, especially males, have a hard time accepting responsibility, so they tend to blame other people. It is difficult to explain, but your dad loves you, but doesn't really know how to express it. Just realize that he probably doesn't mean what he says, and is just upset. YOUR PARENTS PROBLEMS ARE THEIR PROBLEMS, It is just unfortunate that they will affect you as well.

Try to be loving to them, and to your siblings, this will pass.

Answer 2

I've read the other answers that have been submitted and quite honestly I think the answer to your question is very complicated. Many of the people that have posted answers have come up with one point in common which I think is a ponit you need to take to heart and it should help you be more comfortable in the fact that your not the problem. Parents problems are very complex because they don't want the siblings to know what might be troubling them, money, job insecurity, health issues, possibly even, drinking, or drugs. The fact is it's not you. My dad was the same way some years ago.
If you were to confront him it could be a tragedy. It could come right back at you. He's got years of experience in dumping blame. The suggestion of an intervention of sort by another family member is a good idea if you can get the right person to help. The Grandparent suggestion is a great way to go because , trust me now his mother is the one person that he's most vulnerable to. I'm a grandparent to 9 beautiful grandbabies and every one of them is so special but totally different. One may have more problems and create more problems but still has their own special qualities too. If his mother is still a possibility to speak to for help I'd choose that route. If not Grandpa's are good too. The real root to the problem is well covered and protected but your not going to be able to uncover that beast till you find a way to get to his weakness first. Your dad as well as I, and my dad, his dad ,and so on were all much more vulnerable to their mother quite simply, because mom raised us with the more reasonable side of our upbringing and dads represent the more physical side of approach to matters for the biggest part. This isn't always so but in most cases. His mother could tell him to sit down we need to talk and if my guess is correct he's going to respond almost immediately. Dad on the other hand might tell him I want to talk to ya and that'll be the beginning of a conversation that would be taking place while occupied with something else too.
None the less your not the problem your the target for the guilt though and the best remedy is get someone that he's close to talk to him and tell him your feelings. If you threaten with calling the law as my kids did one time and I stress one time it may come back to haunt you.
My daughter was acting out and threatened me so I took charge of that situation right by the horns and I called a number of friends I had in the legal structure. Ended up when she started lashing out the next time I took her over my knee in front of all her friends and spanked her like a baby, then dialed the police and they came arrested her and put her in a juvenile work facility for 6 months. She recently graduated from college as an RN and has a wonderful family of her own and we are as close as we could have ever been. She found that sometimes the best cure is just what they've wanted. I didn't hurt my duaghter and I love her unconditionally and respect her immensely. But a little shot at the pride with some open hand paddling on the rumproast was enough to remind her that the system works even today. Get some help to confront him. Don't wait because it's going to continue to build like the snowball effect. Ask for help and you'll receive!! Trust in those words child. Your a wonderful person just ask!

Answer 3

None of you guys are the "problem". The problem is that your dad is taking the anger he is feeling toward your mother out on you and your sisters. In all reality you and your sisters have very little to do with the problems that your parents are having. He is projecting the problems that his is having with your mother on ya'll. It is and always will be easier to yell at a child who will sit there and take it but I promise you that there is nothing that you could have done to him or your mother that is so bad as to cause them to argue.
Just remember that no matter what is said in anger that there is nothing that any of you have done to cause your parents fighting. Don't believe either of them if they try to place the blame on you, if you do it could take a lot of therapy to fix the mental damage.
It might help to try and talk to one or both of your parents about it. Just wait until they have calmed down or the next day more then likely they will attempt to say that they are sorry for saying that to you. But if not then go and try to talk to some one at school like a teacher or some one.

Answer 4

Listen to these people, they are all saying the same thing- a rare thing on yahoo answers. I hope your parents-mainly your dad- can learn to keep the adult issues amongst the adults and not drag the kids into it or blame the kids for it. If the fighting is all the time then you may not get a chance to wait till things calm down so everyone can talk, but try it after your parents can be rational 5 to 24 hours after the fight. Also if I were you I would try to avoid him when he is angry so he doesn't continue to refocus his anger at you.

Answer 5

Are you involved in the fighting at all? Like you being the topic of the fight. Like you did something wrong or you said something like Dad doesn't know what he is talking about? Anything like that and he would be upset with you. BUT if you ARE NOT involved in anyway. shape, or form, then I would say that you dad is just looking for a way to take the heat off of himself and you are the way. It would do no good to take issue with it during the fight, BUT after things have settled down try talking wiht him like a few days later. If this doesn't work, try talking with your mom about it and see if she can do something for you. What he is doing IS a form of abuse and it isn't right you can do something about it and if he doesn't stop then you can go further and report him. You may at some point need some counsiling. In a form of talking. Good Luck

Answer 6

he sounds like a child himself.. It's a bad thing to blame a child because he and she can't get alone. I will tell you one thing, this is a hurtful thing..to see and hear your parents fighting.. Then to turn around and blame you.. I don't know how old you are, but I've been put through the same thing as a child.. I really thought i was the fault back then. Now that I'm grown, i see it was my parents fault. And they should be a shamed of themselves.. but no their not. please try to focus on you're future. Pray, that always seems to help.

Answer 7

What makes you think of your mom does not already understand? and doubtless she's screwing around on him, too?! you're purely a baby. circulate talk over with a university counselor. I heavily doubt your mom would relish you telling her those issues. you're in excess of your head. Heck, i'm 50 and that i does no longer even understand what to do! stable success. Adults are tousled, for particular.

Answer 8

Honey, they are just looking for someone to blame for their issues and faults. Sometimes adults are good to try to blame others for their things. It looks better. Do not feel guilty of it. When they blame you, for it, just say how much you love them and you wish they would just start communicating with each other rather than fight and argue and blame others for their fights.

I am not sure how old you are, but if you need someone to talk and you are in school, talk to your counselor, or social worker, they are very helpful.

Answer 9

The problem is not to be found in you. He has his issued and he is not addressing them correctly. Neither you nor your siblings should be blamed for you fathers' abstruse problems. Perhaps you can talk with someone close to your family (e.g mom, grandma etc.) who may be able to provide you with support and might perhaps as well try to change your fathers' point of view.
Good Luck !

Answer 10

you're dad's doing the wrong thing by taking it all out on you..probably stage an intervention with your sisters or something..to get your mom and dad to stop fighting...
they should stop coz it affects all of u..