He has his own business and comes from a well off family, he is 12 years older then her and they have been together for 8 months. They seem to think the world of eachother.
When they meet she said she was 21, she has since told the truth after they were seeing one another for a few weeks, but lm so upset over her not being with someone her own age l want to kick her out.
Am l being harsh on them?
Asking them to split or l will throw her out??
2006-06-15 21:52:45 · 43 answers · asked by London girl 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
You have absolutely no right to try and split them up. If she is happy then your job as a parent should tell you to be happy for her. She is 19 not 12. Let her live her own life. If you interfere now she might choose him over you then you will have lost a daughter for the simple reason that she didn't do what you wanted her to.
CUT THE APRON STRINGS>
2006-06-15 22:00:47 · answer #1 · answered by sleekwalrus 3 · 7⤊ 1⤋
Believe me - speaking from experience - if you threaten her she'll move out anyway. Then you might lose what relationship you have with her. I would say just leave them be for mow. They are obviously into each other. At least she's with a nice guy. It could be a lot worse could be going out with some punked up 19 yr old, that doesn't work, drinks all the time and scares old ladies. At least with this guy, he can look after her, take her to nice places, etc.
You may think it's a mistake, but people have to make their own mistakes. Think back to when you were 19, surely you remember something your parents told you not to do and you wanted to do it even more! Just let it run it's course and see what happens, Might just be your wrong and they live together happily for ever! But if you give them a hard time - they'll never make it, unless you're not there, and where would that leave you? Out in the col with no daughter.
You should tell your daughter how you feel, but give her your blessing (in a round about way), and tell her that if it ever goes wrong you'll be there for her, because she's your daughter and she's the most precious thing in the world!!
Good Luck
2006-06-15 22:00:37 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well i can totally see it from your daughters perspective. I am currently seeing an older man and at 20 years older than me, this is often frowned upon. This guy has met my family and my little sisters love him. My mom has yet to "love him" but she sees him as a part of my life at the moment. The more you tell your daughter not to do something the more she will do it.
I think you need to explain to your daughter your concerns, at least then your not hiding anything from each other, thats the thing i can say about your daughter, she could have lied and said that she had a boyfriend who was eg 20 and you never met him. She obviously thinks enough of you for you to meet him. She was honest and up front with you about him so why not you with her. Worst case scenario they move in together, have kids, get married (live happily ever after or have a divorce) or she could let the relationship take its natural course and fizzle out.
Trust your daughter, if you brought her up correctly she will know what to do with her life but let her make her own mistakes. That way you can be there for her no matter what which she knows that you will. Kicking her out would be cutting your nose off to spite your face.
Good luck!
2006-06-16 00:00:01 · answer #3 · answered by funkifairee2000 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No! Don't throw her out! I have alot of personal experience in this situation becuase I watched my mother go thru the same isue with my now 22 year old sister except at the time she was 16 and he was 25, which I think is way worse. I am in no way condoning thier relationship but all girls atleats once in thier life date a very much older man. Your daughter chose it to be now. My sister and her bf recently after 6+ are now ending thier relationship because as my sister grows and matures thier at different points in thier lives, I can't say the same will happen for your daughter but I can say that she'll learn from her mistakes, she's young and she'll always need her mom. No matter how much she says she hates you, or seems to, she just hates the fact that some1 she loves so much isn't "happy for her" whther you should be or not...just don't turn your back on your daughter that's all I can really sum it up to, plus you makin a big deal out of it might actually want to them to stay together longer just look at my sister and that her ex....
2006-06-15 22:06:44 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If that were my daughter and he treated her well, looked out for and after her,was respectful to her and there was no problems, I would not interfere. The relationship will run it's course if it is not meant to be and it will be an invaluable learning experience for her. It doesn't appear that that is the case from what you have said. 8 months is a good indication they have a serious relationship developing. Is not her happiness more important than his age . They could very well be meant for each other and you are putting your relationship with your daughter on the line with such an ultimatum. Love isn't monopolised by age. Really if your problem with him is simply how old he is you need to re evaluate your thinking and decision.
2006-06-15 22:11:37 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kicking her out would only solidify a wedge between you two. She clearly needs someone AT HOME to give her the emotional esteem she needs. Perhaps an absent father in her life is the issue. This man is a father figure to her. Furthermore, no secure man 31 years of age would have much in common with a 19 year old girl other than ONE thing!!! ...And if they are on the same mental level....well....I feel bad for HIM!!
U've gotta stop being her friend and be her MOM!
2006-06-15 22:03:17 · answer #6 · answered by ModelBehavior 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is it the age difference that has you concerned? I am married to a man that is 15 years older than me. We met when I was 19 and got married when I was 20. We have been together for 10 years and we are still counting.
I dated men my own age, but they seem to have no respect for me or people around them. I know that this could have been a stage for them, but a few of the men I know have never change and most still find it funny to be only working occasionally.
Could it be that she finds it comforting to have somebody in her life that has some respondsibility. He has his own business, which shows that he is willing to work. A lot of people looked down on my relationship including family members, but I didn't let that persuade me to be looking for somebody different.
Are you afraid that if she marry's this man that she will miss out on things in life, such as college or other early 20's experiences. Even though I got married at 20, I do have my college degree and I even got to start my own business. My husband has been a constant push for me to go out and attend things people my own age are experiencing (except drugs and other things illegal).
The other question is do you like the young man. Invite him out for coffee and explain your concerns to him and find out his intentions. If he understands your position then he can help answer those unanswered questions. But don't go in for a comfrontation, go in with the understanding that you want to get all sides of the relationship. When you do meet with him let your daughter that you want to meet with just him so you can get straight answers from him. He will feel more comfortable not having to worry about hurting your daughter. You may discover that once you have met with him and got to know him that you aren't so against your daughter dating him.
Anything is worth a try?
2006-06-15 22:11:00 · answer #7 · answered by lazyknightanddaze 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Throwing her out will not make her stop seeing someone YOU disapprove of. Since she is not a minor anymore don't you think you should let her choose for herself, and if she ask your opinion be nice. It is okey to let her be happy. If it turns out bad, we live and we learn. But age is just a number. Relax, be there for her, remember she needs a mother and a friend. You can be both. It could be a good thing that he is older, didn't you ever wish that anyone your age was half as mature as you? This could be the reason for the age gap. Give it time.
2006-06-15 23:36:13 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi,
My wife came out of her older man phase and married me!
On a serious note, your daughter is considered to be an adult by 'society'. With respect you may have issues with that.
Now either you are wrong and she can handle herself because she is an adult, credit to you, or you are right and she needs her mum to gently care for her and be ready to help her make sense of her life as it is when this all goes wrong, regrettable but a consequence of her age not a slur on you.
Either way I do not recommend that you get heavy handed and resort to ultimatum, unless there is something about this relationship you are not telling us. You are her mother not her guardian angel. You have a friend in your daugther and even the best of friends disagree but stay the best of friends. Ta!
2006-06-15 22:36:34 · answer #9 · answered by Elisha 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i wouldnt throw her out it will only make them closer what if she then moves in with him? how will you feel then, dont panic she will find some one her own age all in the fullness of time at 19 she is still learning about what she is looking for out of life, and older men are a lot more intresting than most 19 yr old boys trust me been there done that, give her time. have you met him yet? what is so bad about him that you dont like? if her takes care of her and respects her is the age difference such a bad thing? dont push her in to a choice as she will only resent you in the long run
2006-06-15 22:02:24 · answer #10 · answered by >darkangel< 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋