Is it fair to make someone fall in love with you, when you know you are going to die?

Question

I met this guy, and we have been great friends ever since, i feel so great in his presence and he in mine. But i wasnt ready for a commitment, but things kinda worked out and we are in a relationship. And then he tells me he is a cancer patient,,,, i dont know wheter i am being selfish, but how cud he make me fall in love with him knowing .... i just dont know what to do, i cant live without him, it will kill me if something happens to him,, but , do u think what he did is right?,,, How will i live if something happens to him?,, Coz he is my whole life now.

Answer 1

even he will never have the chance to make a difference in your future life because his days are numbered but you did because you gave him the gift of love before he leaves this earth. if you love him, you wil realize that this i s not the matter of wheter it is fair or not, but ultimately you loved him till the end and that you made such a huge difference i his life by giving him love when he needed it most...
i am not saying that it wil not hurt you, but you will recover... and you are being loved by a man who wishes he had the eternity with you. stay by him, support him. you'll find this love eventually the greatest yet you ever wil have.

Answer 2

There is no way anyone can make you fall in love with them. As adults we need to take responsibility for our own emotions. He is responsible for with holding relativly important information early on or "lying by ommision". Just because he is a cancer patient doesn't neccessarily mean he's gonna drop dead tomorrow either, so maybe it didn't seem pertinent to him. Being as you can't live without him, I have a hard time believing you would have been able to control your feelings for him even if you did know. My boyfriend was suddenly killed three years ago, he was my soulmate. How will you live if something happens to him? Very grateful for the precious time you did get to spend together, that's how. My gut feeling in your case, though is that this guy is using some emotional manipulation to control you, so try and look at the situation not consumed by the emotions of it. It's a huge distraction factor if you can get people very upset. Good Luck.......That that does not kill me, shall only make me stronger

Answer 3

WELL I THINK HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN STR8 UP WITH U FROM THE START IF HE KNEW HE WAS A CANCER PATIENT BUT ON THE OTHER HAND HE LOVES U AND U LOVE HIM..HE DIDNT MAKE U FALL IN LOVE WITH HIM ..IT JUST HAPPENED BC U CAN MAKE NO ONE LOVE YOU WHEN THEY DONT WANT TO AND WHEN THEY DONT FEEL THE SAME WAY BACK..I DONT THINK U R BEING SELFISH BUT U TOOK A COMMITMENT EVEN THOUGH U R NOT MARRIED TO HIM U SHULD STILL BE THERE FOR HIM BC THATS WHAT BEST FRIENDS DO ..BE THERE FOR U REGAURDLESS OF THE SITUATIONS TELLING U WHAT U NEED TO HEAR AND NOT WHAT U WANT TO HEAR. IF U DONT BE THERE FOR AND SOMETHING HAPPENS TO HIM THEN MOST LIKELY U WILL REGRET IT THEN IT JUST MIGHT ACTUALLY KILL U THEN.

Answer 4

When you first got together he probably didn't think he would fall in love with you the way he did, which is why he didn't come out right and tell you about his condition. I mean think about it if he did then you wouldn't be where you are today with him, you would have probably been scared off and never of have gotten the chance to know what it is to love someone the way you do with him.

Things could be worse, support him right now through this time, and love him unconditionally, he had his reasons for waiting this long...better to of have loved and lost than to of have never loved at all..we are all faced with certain things in life, and we have our callings maybe this is yours..to make a difference in a persons life..make him feel something he never thought he might get the chance to ....i know right now you are hurt and angry b/c he didn't tell you and now that you are in so deep you might lose him..but cherish each moment like it is your last...no one knows when they are going to go....and it makes no sense acting like he is already dead.

Good Luck!

Answer 5

Yes, I think you are being very selfish. Has it ever occurred to you that this man is going to die and knows it. It is something that he may not want to share with many people unless he loves them. I don't think that he set out to make you fall in love with him, but since you have, he felt comfortable to tell you that he has cancer. You are already placing this man in his grave instead of having the fun the two of you should be trying to have with whatever time that he has left. I think that you should stand by him and stop thinking only about yourself. If you were to find out that you were going to die, how would you feel if someone had resentment toward you?

Answer 6

Is he actually dying? You know it is possible to have cancer and not be dying.

Is it fair? well I guess that depends on if you believe that you would have been happier having never met him. If he had just found out yesterday would you still feel the same way?

Or you could also consider that maybe he didn't tell you because he thought you would freak and take off. Lots of people can't handle all the stuff that goes along with cancer. I lost the majority of my friends when I was taking care of my parents who had cancer. Plus everyone treats you differently once they know you're sick, maybe he just wanted one person to treat him like he was normal.

My mother knew she was dying but didn't tell me because to say it out loud would mean accepting that she would never get better. I wish she'd told me, but I also understand how "I'm dying" can be the hardest words to ever say.

Answer 7

i think you are the one being selfish. he is literally possibly dying-or struggling with death-and here you are using words like 'it will kill me if..' shape up! you say he feels so great in your presence? live up to that expectation that you gave him. what would you do if you were in his place? can you imagine how much more it killed him to tell you this?? and if you were him, would you want to see him run off and struggle with whether it was 'FAIR' that you made him fall in love with you?

do you think it's 'FAIR' what he's going through?

no-you must not-since you say you cannot live without him. my advice to you is, GET OVER thinking about things like 'is it fair that he made me fall in love with him' bla bla bla. ENJOY and CHERISH the rest of the time that you have with him.

and you know what? not all cancer patients die. it's a SCIENTIFICALLY PROVEN FACT that LOVE and SUPPORT help cancer patients fight against their disease. you could be his angel! all you need to do is be there to make it better and easier for him..and God knows he needs that...you can't save everybody, but you can sure be considered a saint in their minds for trying.

good luck to you. how lucky for you both that you have found each other at such a critical time in your lives.

oh-and one last honest thought-we can't 'make' someone fall in love with us. love just happens. if you feel love-he did nothing to cause it by manipulating you. it's pure..and it just happens.

grasp it, enjoy it, love it.

i'll keep him in my prayers.

Answer 8

If we had the power to make someone love us, there wouldn't be any divorce or abuse ever!
I think you both met a need the other had, and obviously you were drawn to each other by simply being who you are.
If what you feel is love you have been given a precious gift. It is a precious gift to not only receive love, but also to share your love.
Give thanks for the special journey that you are taking and live in the moment. For truly that is all that we really have.
He probably never he would ever have someon to love andlove him, but as the song says, "and there you were".
Be happy!

Answer 9

lets look at what he has done. is it unfair for him to want to live and have love? NO. is it unfair that he wants to share his love with you? NO. is it unfair that he withheld this information from you knowing that you would have rejected him flat had he told you? NO. the only thing i can tell you is that he must care for you a lot to have told you the truth, knowing that you could use this as a reason to reject him. you have been given time together, no matter how short it is. enjoy it. your love may be what he needs to conquer his sickness. you have an opportunity to show what you're really made of in this one.

Answer 10

he didn't make you fall in love with him. you fell in love with him. he didn't force you. i'm sorry that this happened to him and to you as well. he may not have been comfortable telling you something that personal before he knew you better.
are you sure he's going to die, many people beat it.
deal with this in what ever way you feel.
if you guys have this amazing connection then just enjoy the time that you have and make the most of it.
i wish the best of luck to you both and i hope you have as much time as possible.

Answer 11

I don't want to sound like a dick, but would you have honestly fallen for this guy if he had told you right off the bat?

I'm sure he didn't do it with the intent to lie or decieve you... maybe he just needed to be comfortable enough with you to tell you.

Don't let something like this deprive you of a single minute with this guy if you are truly in love with him... just go and be with him!

Good Luck!

Aloha!!