Why do women like "bad boys"?

Question

What defines a bad boy anyway? Is a bad boy someone who hits their girlfriend? Cheats on them? Someone who beats other people up? Steals from them? Gets drunk and does drugs? I don't understand what is so attractive about these behaviors.
Why wouldn't women want to be with men who are intelligent and have jobs and can support a family and buy a house? I am not talking about just 'nice' guys who aren't handsome or are boring. There are a lot of men who are handsome and fun and also nice at the same time. Why do 'bad boys' get the girls instead of these men?

Answer 1

"Bad Boys".
There is just SOMETHING about these guys that draws you in, even as our heads tell us to "beware"!

So, what exactly is the attraction? It's not necessarily that they are more physically attractive or smarter or more successful than the "nice guys". In fact, they can have fewer of these qualities, yet be harder to resist.

So what is it? Let's begin by defining these guys. This term is generally applied to males who treat women poorly. Do these behaviors ring a bell?


calling at 8:30 on a Saturday night to ask if you want to get together


not showing up for a date- followed by no phone call or apology


never having any money when you are out


forgetting or ignoring your birthday and other important dates


flirting openly with other women when you are together


hitting on your good friend(s)


making booty calls at 1am, after they've had a night out with others


is doing time for a serious felony

Instead of asking "what is it about these guys"; let's instead examine what it is about the women who can't resist them. The following are actual statements from women who have a history of attraction to these guys. See if any of these sound familiar.


"It's never BORING with him. He's unpredictable and exciting."


"He's strong, aggressive and self-assured; I feel safe with him."


"It's not his fault; he's trying to get his life together."


"I haven't met anyone else that makes me feel the way he does."


"He's so charming and passionate."


"He tells me how much he likes me, so he must really feel something for me."


"He needs me."


"He doesn't come across as needy and desperate."


"I can't believe I've attracted someone like him."

Now, on the face of these, they seem pretty benign. We all seek at least some of these traits in the men we choose. So, where's the problem?

Essentially it's in his inability to meet the woman's fundamental needs. She is the one doing all (or most) of the giving. The question then lies in; "what's in it for her?"

The answer can be found by exploring three basic issues:


level of self-esteem


capacity for intimacy


roles that she has been in throughout her life

If a woman feels good about herself, she chooses a mate who communicates both verbally and non-verbally to her that she is valued and respected. She won't allow this other person to undermine her positive self-worth. She believes in her ability to participate in a healthy, reciprocal relationship.

If she doesn't feel good about herself, she chooses someone who reinforces her negative self-beliefs.

If a woman is capable of true intimacy, she is open to the true availability of the other person. She wants him to be a full and active participant in the relationship. She can allow herself to be open, vulnerable and able to take as well as to receive all that true intimacy offers.

If intimacy is difficult, she choose someone who is distant, hard to connect with and not emotionally and/or physically available.

If a woman has had a healthy role in her relationships since childhood, she will choose someone with whom she can continue this healthy interaction.

If a woman has been too long in the role of rescuer, caregiver or the one who sacrifices for the good of others, this will probably be the role she will seek out in her relationships.

Fortunately, most women fall somewhere in between on these issues. So the task is to evaluate yourself in each area and decide on a course of action that will help you to choose a "nice guy", who stirs your senses and meets your needs while being truly available for a real relationship.

Begin with an assessment of what you value most in life and cannot live without. Once you know what is most important to you and believe that you are worthy of achieving it, you will have taken a giant step towards finding the right partner for you.

Answer 2

Because when girls are young, they just want to impress their friends with how much of a badass their boyfriend is. The cooler they are (depends on the trends) the better. It is only in the later life that people start to think that getting married to the bad boy isnt exactly... smart.

And a bad boy isnt someone who beats people up or cheats on their girlfriend. A bad boy is just someone who follows the more risky trends and can offer a lifestyle that is on the edge, but you know that you wont get hurt. Trust me, no woman in their right mind would ever seek out a man who will beat her. Unless of course it is a sexual thing, but to each their own.

Personally, I perfer the nice guys who have a personality and are extremely smart. I dated a "bad boy" for a few months in high school, and it was fun and all but it was about as much attachment as I had with my friends, and nothing ever came of it.

Answer 3

7 reasons.........

1.) Media Hype.........they think it's cool.

2.) A mothering nature about the women. They feel as if they can tame these bad boys in a nurturing way, like someone's mother.

3.) Low self esteem, recklessness, they want to be controlled.

4.) Lacked having a father at home, or the father was abusive also.

5.) Peer Pressure. Their friends tell them how adventurous and cool it is, without revealing the abusive part about it.

6.) It's easy money. They flash dollar bills, drive fancy cars, talk slick talk, women get caught up in all the materialism, which goes back to my first point. This is the fast life of the thug, member of a gang, who quickly ends up in jail, or dead.

7.) Some women are just as manipulative as these so-called "Bad Boys", it makes for a perfect match.

Bad Boy, Thug, Gang Bangger, or whatever the similar description may be, women please, use your brain FIRST and FOREMOST, it's YOUR choice after all, stray FAR away from these types of individuals, or, regret it later.

Answer 4

Well I can give you my definition of what I consider a bad boy. Back when I was younger, I used to consider bad boys guys who were down for whatever and wouldn't back down from anything. They didn't beat up on their women, cheat or steal or any of the things you mentioned, but they were classified as "thugs" by other people just because of their roughneck demeanor and dress.
It was all about the challenge because it's harder to get their heart than it is a "nicer" guys heart and it feels good to get under that rough surface and get to know the sensitive guy inside.
Now I date whoever catches my attention and I've learned the "nice" guys are just as no good as these "bad boys" have the reputation of being.
I hope this answers your question.

Answer 5

It has to do with intelligence. Women that like bad boys aren't that smart. When is the last time you have seen a smart woman with a guy that has just got on parole? Women that like these types, may look good, but they aren't the smartest of the bunch. Look at Pamela Anderson, she loves the bad boy type, she sure isn't a Harvard grad student now is she?

Smart, intelligent women don't like bad boys, the dumb ones more than likely do.

Answer 6

Possibly for the adventure.........some women just like to be controlled. Some women cant deal with someone that is in constant need of them. Some women just get bored with the whole nice guy scene and needs to venture out. I dont know.....Ha Im single by my own design. Cant find the happy medium I am looking for. I need some that is nice yet knows when to speak up and knows his boundries.

Answer 7

I don't think women actually like bad boys, alot of us just don't like guys who are smothering and never have their own opinion, or guys who feel that when their not with you they have to call you every 30 minutes to check in. it makes a relationship boring. most of the women I know want a man who knows how to:
1. please them
2. have their own opinion, there is nothing wrong with arguing once in awhile, everyone knows making up is the best...
3. let a women have some time to herself. there is nothing wrong with going out with the girls or shopping alone.
4.have your own ride so your not borrowing hers all the time.
5.have a job. and actually pay your bills.
6.don't act like an a**.
7.be sensitive but not to sensitive.

Answer 8

Okay, this is y: Women like to feel protected. Women like guys with power and toughness to them,. So they think that id=f the guy does all these bad things that it makes them less boring. Plus women like drama. But i dont understand the cheating part. Thats desperation. Thats all sexs.

Answer 9

Girls like guys who are "The Man". Nice guys are push overs and predictable. A strong tough guy is in charge. Women admire that power in a guy. Woman also admire the bad ruthlessness of a guy for excitment and adventure.

Answer 10

Trust me girls grow out of the "bad boy phase" my mom called mine the under dog phase because i have dated guys with one or all of the traits you have mentioned. But i have been with a guy for over 2 years now, we are engaged and i couldn't be happier. And he not a "bad boy". He has a job hes helping put me through college and we are very much in love. So just wait, we girls do grow out of it, we just have to wake up first, for me it took a hospital visit and a few stitches and a boy-friend to stoned to drive me to the hospital or to even call 911! We just need a wake up call!

Answer 11

To me a bad guy is one of those guys that had a rough life growing up. So they walk around with a chip on their shoulder. (But deep down they just want a woman to hold them close and make them feel safe) They don't take anything off anyone. They always take chances and are not afraid of anything. They are agressive when they handle you, but they enjoy showing you off to everyone. A bad boy is always very posessive of you, they always make it clear to everyone that you belong to them. And why do I like bad boy, because I know that they can take care of me, showing me off, and letting everyone know that I belong to him makes me feel good about myself. I also beleive that bad boys make better lovers, because they are more agressive. But a man should never hit a woman, that is not a bad boy that is a jack A--.