Can I Tell His Girlfriend?

Question

I have been dating a guy for two years. He has a serious girlfriend. I didn't know about the girlfriend until I was attached to him. I didn't leave even though I knew about the girlfriend. We tried to break up in January but in February he got in touch with me and talked me into seeing him again. This past Thursday I told him I needed a break. Our relationship has turned into a purely s*xual relationship. Now that we are having a break I want to tell the girlfriend. I have emails, IMs and specific information about her. I know that telling her is the wrong thing. I know that I'll never see him again if I do this. I know it could turn into a gigantic mess but I still want to do it. I don't want her to think that she "won" or she is better then me. I know that sounds crazy because she didn't even know about me. I don't even want to hurt the guy I want to hurt her. I know this makes me a lowlife and scum so why do I want to do it so badly? Would anyone tell the girlfriend?

I am not as cruel as you guys want to think. I could have told her any time in the last 2 yrs. but I didn't. I never call him in case he is with her. I could have easily called. I'm extremely careful when I am at his house so that she never suspects a thing. And maybe that is my problem I resent her because she is his main g/f and I'm second best. Everything revolves around her schedule. So I'm jealous. It's not her fault. I can't blame him because I care about him so I blame her even though it isn't rational. Don't judge people until you know the entire story.

Answer 1

First of all your not the scum he is. If he is cheating on her with you then he will cheat on you with someone else. Since your relationship with him has been sexual I would tell the girlfriend. She has a right to know what she has been exposed to. I am not saying that you have anything but the guy may be seeing several other women and not just you. It is also very common to be angry at the other woman and not yourself or the guy. If you look at this logically then you would see who you should be angry at. For the last two years this guy has been leading you and his girlfriend and God knows who else on. When you found out about the girlfriend you probably thought that he would dump her and stay with you. It doesn't always work that way. If you dont tell her and leave the guy you are always going to be second guessing what he is up to. You are always going to be comparing yourself to his girlfriend and you will never be happy. Telling his girlfriend would only be fair to her. You have known about her and have seen what this guy is like. Maybe his girlfriend needs an eye opener. And the guy deserves to be alone.

Answer 2

You got a good thing why ruin it. You get all the fun and none of the baggage that is unless you want more and telling the girlfriend isn't going to get you that. You have some serious things to think about. Why would you want to constantly worry about some one you didn't give birth to? If it was me I'd take it as it is or leave it alone. You shouldn't have to compete for someones attention. 9 times out of 10 the girlfriend won't believe you anyway. So if you really want to tell her make sure you break it off with him first. These things have a way of coming back around and biting you in the butt. So the answer to your question yes you can tell but you have to ask yourself if you should.

Answer 3

Wow! Double wow! I think you should tell her. Send her an e-mail and tell her things that will make her know that what you are saying is the truth. Apologize to her. Than run to the nearest counseling center you can find and figure out what you think is so bad about yourself that the occasional lusty encounters (you are letting your body be his excess sperm receptacle) and the dirty empty feeling you have later when he goes back to the woman that he likes better (that's why he's with her, not you) can keep you coming back for more. Does it make you feel a little better when he trash talks her? Do you feel like you are better and more special?
You are wasting your life. You could be spending your time in a real relationship where you deal with real problems and experience mutual appreciation and have a real shot at a future. Instead your letting time slip away while sneaking around to be someone's vulgar "other woman".
You are not a free person. You will jump at his beckoning and then will sadly clean up his mess all alone while he goes back to his girl. You are his sport, his hobby, a toy to dominate. She definitely wins because she'll walk away with her self esteem intact. If you tell his girl you will free yourself from the rut you are in of existing to please him. Don't get in it again.

Answer 4

SEEMS to me you got into this knowing he had another in his life.HE wants his cake and eat it too.I know this is going to be hard to do but trust me its the best way ok? WALK a way from both of them. THIS MAN IS SCUM TO USE YOU like this. And as a big sister to a little sister it will hurt 4 a while but you will find some one so much better. BUT how can you find that some one that is better when your with scum bags over there.---------------- OK, to get even is only because your hurt. LOOK we have all been hurt but there is a great guy out there please trust me. OK?IF I told you this would you believe me? LEt g0 let G0d. HE can get even so much better then we can. And you wont believe me but, you walking a way is getting even.HE will want you sooooooooo bad but dont give in. TEll him you found some one else. TEll him not to come by no more. LOOK with so many screw balls out there no telling what that other woman will do. LEt her have him they deserve each other. YOU deserve so much better.TELL YOUR self I DESERVE so MUCH BETTER and go 4 it. LEAVE AND DONT LOOK BACk. IF I can do it you can too. you have my email. hang in there hugs STar(dont look back)

Answer 5

Honestly from a guy's point of view I would stop seeing the guy for the good of all three of you. And the reason I suggest this is because the relationship (or if you want to call it something else) is going to blow up in your face. I understand that you really care about him and everything, but do you think he is going to stop see his friend over you if he can have both and not be concerned about hurting anyone feels... Good Luck and Hopefully it will all work out for you.....

Answer 6

I really believe that confronting this girl will make you feel worst. How was this her fault?You feel that you have lost? Not so. You were the lucky one to have found out. He will most likely do this with someone else. I also think if you look inside yourself the biggest reason for you feeling badly is that you think what happened was wrong. And your having a hard time living with yourself. But don't! Hold you head up and do not lower your standards for this boy again by sharing this information.Take baby steps and you will heal.

Answer 7

It's just cruel. The fact that you want to tell her only to cause her pain is horrible. She knows nothing about you, it's not her fault. What if you were in her shoes? Dating a guy who you believe is truthful and only yours, only to be called by another girl and told of all his lies? The girl deliberately calling only to cause you pain. Karma comes back you know...

Though you should tell her. Let her know that you found out later in your relationship. She does deserve to know about it. He's scum and you both could do so much better. Instead of hating this girl for being with him, get to know her, she's just been through the same thing you have with this guy... only she was in the dark about it. You were both victims.

Answer 8

NO..no decent person would be so vindictive .. and for NO reason. You knew the score, played in bed, and NOW, you want to screw up his life? You are a first class biotch, make no mistake about it. Remember, what goes around comes around 10 fold. You do this and I can promise you will be even more miserable than you are now...and you sound like one sorry, miserable mess of a lowlife to me. I am very glad I do not know you..no one I know would do such a disgusting thing.

Answer 9

Yes, I think that you should tell the girlfriend, not only for the reason that you think but because she has the right to know. I would like for you to think about this, this guy has you and he has his girlfriend, and lets face it who knows who else. He lies to her, and believe me he lies to you. You need to call this girlfriend and let her know what a pig that she is seeing. And you need to respeact yourself enough to not settle for being second best. I don't know you but that really doesn't matter you are a woman and you should come first in someones life. You should be someones first priorty. You deserve that. So YES by all means tell the girlfriend and then tell your so called guy to kiss off. And put yourself back together again and get out their and find that man that God made just for you.

Answer 10

I would tell the girlfriend not because I would want to hurt her, but because she deserves to know. I dont mean to be rude, but the guy you are with is a jerk for keeping two women at the same time and she doesnt even know. You are doing the right thing for all the wrong reasons.