should i tell him i was?

Question

i was sexually abused wen i was 5 yrs old by the family servant. no one knows abt it, save my few really close friends. i regret tellin some of them.

now i'm in love with this guy. its the first time ive dated or loved some body. do u think i shud tell him? i come from a very closed society where chastity is a BIG ISSUE!.

mk320, u need to get a life. if u found it funny, u shudnt have bothered to answer!...

oh and shud i tell him now, or wait until after marriage?

thank u sooooo much for ur overwhelming reponse!. i'm really grateful to all of u. jus reading ur answers gave me a lump in my throat. thanks once again!

Answer 1

If you haven't been dating long, you probably should wait. But if you are at the point where you are getting closer, then yes, you need to tell him. That way he can be understanding of any fears you may have. And I would definitely let him know before marriage. You don't want a secret like that. I am sorry this happened to you. Good luck, and God bless.

Answer 2

If its the first time you've dated or loved someone don't rush things so much wait a while and see how things go. Don't be ashamed in anyway about it remember you were an innocent kid and had nothing to do with it. I would speak with your parents about it if you possibly can for a couple reasons, one being this person may still be able to be prosecuted for this crime and also because they may still well be victimizing other children. Sadly this is a problem that happens much more than most realize. I have heard figures of one of four young females may experience at one time a sexual abuse of some type. You won't be withholding information that should be pertinent to your current relationship by not mentioning it unless the thought of a sexual relationship frightens you because of this terrible memory. If that is the case please seek guidance from a professional . I don't know your age but am guessing your fairly young, don't allow this problem to haunt you and take action so that it doesn''t. Speak to a close relative if your unable to relate it to your parents as this person needs taken off the streets.

Answer 3

Yes, you should tell him as it is important that he knows everything about you, in due time though. Have you healed from this situation ? Will it effect how you are in your subsequent relationships? Your lack of Chastity is not your fault as you were a victim and if he is the kind of person that might judge you based on that fact it might be a good time to get this out in the open to see where he stands on the issue. Good Luck, and I hope you can heal from this.

Answer 4

When you really love someone, trust has to go along with it. If he loves you, he will understand. It isn't like you planned to be abused. That other person is at fault. You should not feel guilty for someone else's sin. The guy you love will hopefully take the news and realize that you are a great catch. There will be issues to work through, but with someone there with you, it should be easier.

Answer 5

I,m assuming you are much older now !bout that 5yrs old thing(heartfelt sorry bout that)but beleive god i would slay his nuts!at the family reunion or dinner table!trust in a kind and nice way,i,ll try too!or mother daughter talk,someone close who will listen and let it be known hun!regret with friends?Girl!now you know,but all to the good!it,s a way of not allowing it to boggle inside!look at it in a good sence!now those friends,check yourself!a friend wouldn,t put you on the spot however!but understand and most respect your feelins!Cupid and his arrows!cool you like someone,good thing,ask?yourself do he feel the same way and is this guy and you are going to be years to come?even now,true!if care for him i think i would wanna know such if was within to tell are allow to know!the choice if up to you?A closed society,hun!it must not be very closed?especially if chasity is concern?(Big issue)but,that is your choice to make!okay!

Answer 6

Well it really depends..i to was abused when i was a child and growing up i did not tell many of my boyfriends...some look at you like you asked for it...so i would think very hard..is this someone you love and does he love you if so tell him but only if you think you are going to be together for a long time

Answer 7

It must be horrible to live in a world where "chasity" takes presidence over one's own well being. Meaning, something happened to you, something that was beyond your control, something that could very well effect your personal relationship and you have to worry about his reaction/rejection because of the forced "rules" of your society? Ouch. Sorry for you.

Answer 8

Yes. My ex kept secrets from me and it inevitably broke up our marriage. Lay it all out there, but only if you have expressed love for one another. I don't reccommend doing this kind of thing on a first date. I am so sorry for your experience and good luck with your guy.

Answer 9

I think you should tell him, but wait for the right time. If you are in doubt the time probably isn't right yet. To tell someone about this you have to really trust them and that may take a bit of time.

Answer 10

It depends on the guy, if he is a macho dude, no,but if he is sensitive yes,maybe,no, this should remain a family issue.Tell him after u get married (or if u 2 get married)and i'm really sorry.