tell me something that will make me laff, please?

Question

embarrassing moment, joke, story, whatever. please share.

omg, snapple, ur poor family!!! at first i thought your sister was a little kid until you said she had a job. she has to be the youngest, right? I can say this because im the youngest and only girl, lol. but im not like that. at least i hope not.

joopyliveson666, thats funny. blond jokes are my faves...and again i can say this becuz i think like a blonde lol

Answer 1

i told u my worst moment, but i gotta joke:

One nite a blonde is driving on a road. She keeps on swerving back and forth. A police officer sees her. he puts his sirens on and she pulls over. the police officer walks up to her window and asks her y she was swerving. she says kindly, but frusturated that she was trying not to hit the trees in the middle of the road. the police officer replies, "those arent trees, that your air freshener"

Answer 2

The Magician and The Parrot


A magician worked on a cruise ship.
The audience was different each week so the magician did the same tricks over and over again.

There was only one problem:
The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick.

Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show, "Look, it's not the same hat!" or, "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table!" or, "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?"

The magician was furious but couldn't do anything.
It was, after all, the captain's parrot.

Then one stormy night on the Pacific, the ship unfortunately sank, drowning almost all who were on board.

The magician luckily found himself on a piece of wood floating in the middle of the sea, as fate would have it ... with the parrot.
They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word.

This went on for a day... and then 2 days .. and then 3 days .

Finally on the 4th day, the parrot could not hold back any longer and said ..... "OK, I give up. Where's the f__kin' ship?"

Answer 3

it's a lot, but read it. it is hilarious.

SIPPING VODKA
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.

After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.
He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office
after mass, he found the following note on the door:

1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ***.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J. C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy,
Junior and the Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh*t out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey,
don't say he was stoned off his ***.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said,"Take
this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me"
12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry,"
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub
thanks for the grub, yeah God.

Answer 4

I haven't heard many funnier stories than the ones i have listed. I have only heard of one really great story, the rest I have lived.

I have a really big family. I will tell you the funniest stories from my family.

At one family function ( I think it was a birhtday) My mom and I were about to serve dessert that had lueberries in it with some other fruit. All of a sudden my sister started to freak out. " I hate blueberries! Why did you make blueberries. Everyone knows I hate bueberries!," ect. My mom tried to calm her down by saying she wouldn't give her blueberries. My sister was way to pissed off to care what my mom said. Then I heard my grandma laughing. My grandma thought my sister was joking. My sister wasn't joking, she did it for the attention. In the end my sister left in a huff.

At Christmas a couple years ago another incident happenend. My mom loves Thanksgiving. She works really hard to make the food great and everyone is happy. My family is mixeed so there was a lot of people there. All my Dads kids were there. On Christmas my sister (from above) freaked out. She was mad because she thought my Mom liked my Dads kids better because she used the nice plates and stuff on Thanksgiving. My sister (from above) was using a plastic plate. She was sooo mad she ended up leaving.

On my birthday this year I had my Mom had our whole family over. We were all talking and having a great time. Then my sister (from above) explodes. She is freaking out about hating her boss, AT MY BIRTHDAY PARTY! My grandpa starts laughing histarically. Everybody is looking at him and my sister. My Mom is friends with her boss. After the party my sister is still there (amazing). My Mom tried to convince her that her boss is really a nice person and a good boss. My sister decides to leave.

My poor MOM!!! amd Gandparents!!!!!


I also heard a really great lawyer was driving in the carpool lane. The cops saw him and pulled him over. The cop pulled him over because he was driving alone in the carpool lane. The really great lawyer's rebuttle was my dog is with me. I think the lawyer was arrested or something.


(Spell Check isn't working so I am sorry if there are a lot of words spelt wrong!)

BY THE WAY THAT SISTER IS MY OLDEST SISTER!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 5

a man walked in the street, saw a wall and then he put his leg on the wall. then he decided to put the other leg on the wall and he fell.

you know that thing when water or juice come out of you nose when you laugh? i heard about someone that a meat ball came out of his nose.

you need to hear them at the right moment to laugh

oooo thats a good one
i know someone from school that everyone picked on him so thats what happened:
his father donated an aquarium to school and there was a note on it that said: "donated by the family of "name in here" "
so someone deleted the "donated by" and it was very funny.

thats enough for now.

Answer 6

Lie Detector

An Englishman, an American and a Sardarji are called upon to test a lie detector.

The Englishman says: "I think I can empty 20 bottles of beer".
BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector.
"Ok", he says, "10 bottles".
And the machine is silent.

The American says: "I think I can eat 15 hamburgers".
BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector.
"All right, 8 hamburgers".
And the machine's silent.

The Sardarji says: "I think.......", BUZZZZZZ goes the machine.

Answer 7

5 chinese brothers came to america. They repeated the first thing they heard. The first one heard: me me me me me. The second one heard: He stole my lolly pop! The third on heard: forks and knives forks and knives. The forth one heard: plug it in plug it in. The fith one died mysteriesly. The cop came and asked the chinese brothers these questions: who did it? the first one said me me me me me. He asked: why did you do it? The second one said: he stole my lolly pop! The cop asked: How did you do it? The third one said: forks and knives forks and knives.The cop took the brothers to the police station. The person starting up the electrcution chair asked:how do you work this thing? The forth brother said: plug it in plug it in.

Answer 8

For a good time, e-mail
SUZIE@ohmygosh/
Im/about/tohave/an.org

Answer 9

Don't look now but your boyfriend's zipper is open.

I TOLD YOU NOT TO LOOK .

OK YOU CAN QUIT LOOKING ANYTIME NOW .

AHHH YOU GOT HIM EMBARRASSED

Answer 10

What's brown and sticky?

A stick.