If you were the parent of a dying child, what would you most appreciate from your friends?

Question

Our friend’s daughter is dying of a bring tumor. She is nearing the end, she’s in a lot of pain, and she is likely to die within the next couple of weeks. I would really appreciate some thoughtful and/or creative ideas.

I want to thank all of you for your wonderful responses. This question will expire tomorrow. I want to let the question stay open as long as possible, so I don’t know if I will try to pick a best answer at the last minute, or just let it go to vote. So many good efforts that I don’t know how I would choose a “best”.

Brief update: The girl is suffering from terrible headaches, and I guess there are limits to how much can be done about her pain. I have been studying science and philosophy for over 20 years and as some of you might have noticed, I like to ponder a lot of deep intellectual questions. But all of my big ideas come to nothing in the shadow of a dying child. I have no real answers when it comes to this. I can spout off a variety of grand philosophies about the nature of life and meaning, but in the end I’m helpless. I can make no real sense of something like this.

Answer 1

i know it sounds like a cliche, but i think what your friend would appreciate the most is your love and support . Beyond that...go to your local nursery and find the most beautiful plant/tree/flower and give this to your friend to plant in their yard upon their childs death. They will grow and nurture this tree and remember their child.
i am so sorry for you and your friend. good luck and god bless.

Answer 2

Wow..I am so sorry to hear but the best I can tell you is be by his/her side ask them if there is anything you can do to help as the time gets near or inevitabely comes see if they need your help with arrangments or just plain moral support wile they make the arrangements..I know when I lost my husband haveing my sister in law beside e during every step of the arrangments was very helpful and comforting because I believe that is the most painful process you can go thru...But of all this give your friend all your love and support God knows they will be in need of it and in the end all will come back to fond beautiful memories of an Angel that God sent to your friend to show them what a beautiful thing unconditional love can be....God Bless your friend and my prayers are with them Good Luck

Answer 3

Offer yourself in any way but dont over crowd.
Cook them something to eat and drop it off or send them some gift certificates for free pizza.
Take up a collection and give them some money because the parents are probably not working so they can care for their daughter.
offer to run to the store for them, mow their lawn, do the dishes, run errands, stay with the daughter while mom and dad sleep, shower or step out for a bit. Bring them a DVD, some bath gel, powder, fresh socks, shampoo or a cozy blanket. Ask them if their is anything they need. If they have other children, offer to watch them, so they can have a break.

Answer 4

to be there for them, also maybe help out with chores of cooking dinners that could be freezed to be reheated later. Just being there for them. My cousin died at a very young age [from a brian tumer] and my parents were always doing things like the wash, and watch the little kids, and making dinners and I still remember everytime we said goodbye my dad would say "if you need anything just to go to the store even if's at 2 in the morning call me and I'll come" And we lived 45 min away. It's hrad losing a child just be supportive and be there.

Answer 5

I am sorry to hear that this is happening, so many of us take life for granted, losing a child is the most devastating, life changing tragedy for any family. I agree with giving a plant so the parents can plant it in their yard or in their home. I can also suggest a candle so they can light it each night so the child can always find their way home. I did and still do that after my fathers death, it does help me cope. They will have a depth of hurt that no one will be able to fix however being there for them in their time of need, for support, shoulder to cry on, help them at home, what ever you can do, just do.

Answer 6

Support in any way that they may need . Helping out with other children when possible, cooking dinners to freeze and even a shoulder to cry on. I have been through something like this and all the little things really do matter. Just making sure she has time with the child is what matters. Just know when to say no, I know that sounds bad, but if you push yourself overboard, you are good to no one including them and your own family. ( I have also seen this, its not good)

Answer 7

Send them a card offering sympathy and reminding them your friendship is still there in their time of need, for things they may need like phone calls or arrangements...and then step back and let them deal and grieve.
take up a collection from local organizations the family is involved in like church, or buy scouts, bingo ext...to help with expenses. And don't make a big deal out of handing this to them...And last but not least have other friends and family offer help with writing thank you cards for any services and gifts ext..so that the family can focus on grief.

Answer 8

It is the most difficult thing in the world to watch a love one die. I'm sure as your friend is spending more time with her daughter there are things she is having trouble getting done. Suprise mother and daughter with a home cooked meal. Offer to pick up groceries, or dry cleaning when your running your errands. And be there to hold her together when she is falling apart.

Answer 9

I believe like that at all times. My daughter is 6. I'm no longer trusting with any one regardless of how lengthy I've recognized them. There is an excessive amount of craziness on this planet. I established play dates wherein both the little one and the mother come to our condominium or we cross over there. Most mom and dad haven't any challenge sending the youngsters over to my condominium by way of themselves, so my condominium has emerge as the occasion condominium and I decide upon it that method. As a long way as sleep overs cross, I generally inform the father or mother in individual that my daughter might say she desires to sleep over, however that she does not generally do good with being clear of us and that we will be able to become being known as in night time to come back select her up. It is not actual, however the one method out with out making the opposite mom and dad believe like I do not believe them.

Answer 10

Be there for them now and 2 or 3 years from now. Most stop being there after 1 or 2 months. Take them some freezer meals that they can just heat up.