Tell me a joke and make me laugh for 10 points! Best one wins!?

Question

What's your favorite joke or riddle?

So far Mike has the best joke, but these are all hilarious!

Russian, that was great!!!!!! Thanks for a good laugh!

Answer 1

Here is a little joke for ya. Cheer's :)

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?'' When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep.

A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'' The Teacher fainted.

Answer 2

There is an American, a Brit and a French man. They are walking down a path and come across a genie. The genie says, "If you run and jump off of the cliff over there, I'll let you live and have one wish. But you have to shout what you want to become and you will become that. But be careful, because you are jumping off a cliff." So the American goes first. He runs, jumps and yells, "I wish I was an eagle!" So he turns into an eagle and flies away. The Brit is next. He runs, jumps, and yells, "I wish I was an owl!" So he turns into an owl and flies away. The Frenchman is next. He starts running, trips, and while he is stumbling yells, "I wish I was a, oh sh*t!"

Answer 3

Here's a few jokes.....


*what kind of sunscreen product do monkeys like?
-Banana Boat

*Teacher:How do you spell crocodile
Kid:K-r-o-d-i-l-l-e
-Teacher:No thats not what the dictionary spells it.
Kid:but you asked me how I spell it not how the dictionary spells it

*Kid- dad guess what? my teacher said we have 2 go 2 school rain or shine!
Dad: whats so good about that?
Kid: its snowing!

* Kid1: you werent at school the whole year! why?
Kid2: I dont go 2 school if a day ends with a Y.

*What state has Kansas in it?
- Arkansas

*Kid: where did you get that mini soda?
Kid2: Mini-sota

* teacher: didnt i tell you 2 stop chewing gum?
kid: im not chewing it...im blowing bubbles.

Answer 4

Little Johnny is on his way to school when he sees a frog on the road and picks it up. Just before he gets to the school ground the frog leaps from his pocket and gets hit by a school bus. Johnny looks down and sees the frog kind of squirming around so he puts it back in his pocket and heads for class. Later when the teacher calls on him for show and tell he says " I got this here frog but a bus ran over his azz on the way to school!!" The teacher says "Johnny we don't say azz in this class we say rectum...to which Johnny replies RECTUM!!! It dam near killed him!!!

Answer 5

this 8 year old kid went on a public bus to visit his dad a few miles away. he sat down behind the bus drivers and talked to him all the way. The kid sayed said if my dad was a tiger and my mom was a tiger i would be a little tiger. If my dad was a elephant and my mom was a elephant i'll be a litle elephant. All ready annyoned by the kids words the bus driver sayed " what if your mom was a prostitute and your dad was a pimp, what would you be. The kid answerd. A bus driver

Answer 6

This is a real letter written by a passenger to the Railway Department in 1909 in India. It is on display at the Railway Museum in New Delhi. This letter is of importance BC It apparently led to the introduction of toilets on trains


"I am arrive by passenger train Ahmedpur station and my belly is too much swelling with jackfruit. I am therefore went to privy (toilet). Just I doing the nuisance that guard making whistle blow for train to go off and I am running with 'lotah' (water container) in one hand and 'dhoti' (loincloth worn by men) in the next when I am fall
over and expose all my shocking to man and female women on plateform. I am got leaved at Ahmedpur station.
This too much bad, if passenger go to make dung that dam guard not wait train five minutes for him. I am therefore pray your honour to make big fine on that guard for public sake. Otherwise I am making big report! to papers."

Answer 7

Here's one for ya'

Little Johnny and his dad we're at a horse race one day, and his dad was thinking of buying a horse. He was rubbing the horse, from mane to legs, from nose to hooves.

And Little Johnny had to ask, "Dad, why are you rubbing that horse like that?"

His dad answered, "Well Johnny, when I want to buy a racing horse, I want to check it for any flaws before I spend money on it."

And Johnny said back, "Uhhh...dad? I think the UPS guy wants to buy mom."

Answer 8

Umm, I don't expect 10 points, but I (being a musician) thought this one was pretty funny...

Q. How are pirates and trumpets similar?


A. They both kill on the high C's...

*snicker* You have to be a musician to get it... or at least understand music. But it is pretty funny.

Answer 9

two guys are getting drunk in a bar on the 8th story of a building. one says, "i bet you i can jump out the window and run up the stairs and be back here in two seconds." the other one says,"no way. you can't do that." "ok, make it three seconds," says number one. so, he jumps out the window, up the stairs in three seconds. the other guy says "i have to try". so he jumps out the window. SPLAT!!! The barman shakes his head and says,"Superman, you're a real jerk when you're drunk."

Answer 10

OK, so, two muffin are sitting in an oven. One muffin turns to the other and says "Gee, it's getting hot in hot, don't you think?" The other muffin turn and screams "AAAAHHHHH; a talking muffin!"

(Better delivery if spoken, sorry)