I have been looking at answers from all over this site and there are a ton of answers where the guys are referring to single moms and the children are "baggage". Don't they realize how imprtant kids are?
I am a single mom (divorced - he is in prison for abuse) and have had the same thing happen. I turned down a guy that I had no interest in dating and he got nasty saying I just had "baggage" anyways because of my daughter and he did not want to deal with that.
I think that is the most offensive thing a guy could say because my daughter is my life and I would do anything for her. I was not a slut or easy or loose for having her, I was married and creating a family, but so many guys don't look at that.
How many other single moms are very offended when this happens? Why do guys do this?
2006-06-15 09:06:16 · 21 answers · asked by wyldfyre 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Personally, I like being a single mother. I think it helps in my dating. I like to call it, "weeding out the bad ones" lol. If a "man" and I use that term loosely, refers to children as "baggage" then obviously it's not someone I want to be with.
I think the way a man treats people such as his mother and children says a lot about his character. Having a child is a good way to see what guys just want a piece of a$$ and which ones are more interested in long term dating and families.
I also have an idea. I would say that any man with that view should be considered the baggage and that by dropping him, all you did was drop unnecessary baggage in your life!!
2006-06-15 09:30:44 · answer #1 · answered by Kitty 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
There needs to be a dating guide for single moms.
Look here: the moment he doesn't understand that you may be still hurt from your last relationship, and need a little healing time--the moment he calls your kids "baggage", is the moment you need to close the door shut behind him.
It's not the kids that are the baggage:
it's the reminder of the other man, the memories of what he did to you, the pain you still carry around and don't realize, that is "baggage".
Too many women look for fathers for their children, and measure the man up to the last sucka they dated.
Stop looking for a while. Spend some time with you. Those other *punks* will realize they can't hang and move on. Then, a real man will show up.
2006-06-15 09:20:51 · answer #2 · answered by divinescribe 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some men don't understand that children are precious cargo if I may use the term. When they say baggage it's because they have just admitted to you that they are too weak to carry it. Leave them by the curve baby! More than likely that's a man who has insecurity issues and too much ego. He probably wants to drain you of all of you time anyway. Be careful of these stereo types. They are not going to make it work as a family. He will probably in it only for all that he can get out of you. Your child will resent you for this. Too many women put their children last for the sake of having a man. That's why our children look for love in all the wrong places. Be good to yourself by being good to your children first. They don't forget nothing. Don't have regrets later. Your kids will love you more for it. Let a man find you and your kids as an incentive package. Your children are a bonus deal baby girl. Not baggage. Let the men know that first if they come out of their mouth wrong and then CUT HIM OFF!
2006-06-15 09:45:22 · answer #3 · answered by JUANITA@DC 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because it's an easy way for you to sort out the jerks from the real men.
Real men realize that children are a blessing and that they are first in your life, if they want to be a part of it they will accept and love your child. Real men also support thier children and spend time with them, even if it didn't work out with thier mom. Your kids are and always will be your kids, not baggage but something to be treasured and loved. they won't be little for long and how you treat them is how you will be treated by them when they are adults.
2006-06-15 09:17:52 · answer #4 · answered by fosplicer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The guys that call children "baggage" are definitely the wrong guys anyway. Not all guys think that way. Some guys are not mature enough to handle women who have kids. They are the type of guys who can have sex with single mothers but not the type of guys that would be relationship material. Its their mentality, they are children themselves.
2006-06-15 09:43:37 · answer #5 · answered by holly 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People have this thing about wanting a breakup to be thier own idea. No one likes to be dumped...so if you tell them your breaking things off with them, then they are going to twist things around to make it look like thier own idea anyway. It's pretty nasty, but it's true.
As for those who don't want "baggage", that is a possessive thing. Someone who has children aften means that they will be sharing with the children's father (Even if it is just for the father to visit thier child). Those things can sometimes be messy, especially when you get one person that still has feelings for the other...or who resents the fact that the other is with someone, even though they don't want to be with them themselves.
It's a dumb thing, but unfortunately, it happens.
2006-06-15 09:24:31 · answer #6 · answered by Wyld_Syde_ 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Afraid of a commitment,but in your case his ego was put down. So he did what comes nature to people when faced with rejection. Because he was probably felling something for you,then you go pull the rug right out from under him. So don't take it personally. This guy just didn't take getting rejected well that's all. Make it a good one!!
Tim~
2006-06-15 09:20:03 · answer #7 · answered by WhyNotMe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have never had this said to me personally but being a single mother of two I am sure it has been said behind my back...I would say yes it is offensive of course but better for me to know what kind of person you are right now..I think they do it because they are not ready for the responsibility,they are immature some of them are probably just a**holes no matter what
2006-06-15 09:14:55 · answer #8 · answered by rae b 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It takes a special kind of guy to want to date a woman who already has childred. Many are spooked that they may find they really care for the mom, but don't want to deal with kids. It's sad, but true. If its any consolation to you, the same thing happens to single dads with kids...
2006-06-15 09:19:58 · answer #9 · answered by City slicker 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only guys who refer to this; don't have any kids, or don't want any. Children tend to put extra stress on a relationship. It's up to the parent with the child to sort things out. And it's up to the boyfriend or girlfriend to respect their partners kids.
2006-06-15 09:11:50 · answer #10 · answered by runner45 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋