Question about my child's response to questions about her heritage?!?

Question

My child is 13, has dark hair, eyes & olive skin. I have blonde hair/blue eyes. Her biodad is 3/4 Greek 1/4 Jordanian who is not in the picture at all. Her adoptive dad, my husband is brown hair, blue eyes. People ask her quite a lot where she's from or if she's Mexican. We live in the deep South where Mexican/Spanish individuals are looked on in a negative light. I know it's not right but "it is what it is". She is proud to say she's Greek & enjoys reading/studying Greece. Problem is her Daddy, the only Daddy she's ever known, is hurt/not happy about her telling people that because it opens the door to the existence of her biodad I was married to. Once he lost the custody battle he said "she's dead to me" and that was that. He's also not happy with me for ever telling her all about her being Greek. I felt it needed to be said because she even asked ME if she was Mexican! She knows the general story about biodad & that Daddy adopted her. What do you think about this situation? HELP!

Answer 1

im 19 and i am also greek...both my dads parents r full greek from greece. i havent seen my dad since i was 8. i have all the greek features except the black hair...mine is brown. i am proud to be greek and if your daughter is too then your husband needs to respect that and atleast act like it doesnt bother him for your daughter. it never bothered my step dad that i told people i was greek. i would let her enjoy her heritage bc it is something to be proud of and if she's never known her real dad then its prolly the only thing from him that she has and there is nothing wrong with that.

Answer 2

There was nothing wrong with telling your daughter about her heritage. Keeping it a secret may make it seem as if there's something to be ashamed of. You did the right thing. Has your daughter ever expressed how she feels about her adoptive dad? Let him know how much she appreciates him, loves him and is glad that he is in her life? Sounds like real life dad feels second best...maybe jealous that he's not the biodad. Remind him that any man can be a dad, but it takes a lot to be a father, and that he's doing a wonderful job. Maybe he needs some reassurance. Yea, a lot of southerners...and small town people most anywhere, are narrow minded, but it sounds as if you are raising her right, to be proud of who she is. Way to go--keep up the great work!

Answer 3

it's not your daughter you're concerned with, it's your husband. He isn't her father (bio), so you didn't open any doors. HE needs to accept her, and where she comes from. Whether or not bio dad is in the picture, he still has an impact on her. His non-actions in her life will speak just as loud as if he were in her life everyday. And, eventually, she will form her own opinions about her father (bio). New dad (dad right now) is gonna have to get over it. She should be proud, and don't ever lie to her. FYI, I'm olive skinned, brown hair. Both sister and brother are blond, blue-eyed. I asked my mom if I was black. She said she never laughed so hard!

Answer 4

You did the right thing, tell her adopted dad that at this age, she is going through a normal phase of growing up that is causing her to question her past. Just because she says her bio father is Greek, it does not mean she loves her adopted father.

The question is...does she call her adopted father Dad...She loves him, she knows he loves her. He will always be her 'real' Dad. Bio Father abandoned her. Some day she will realize that, and not matter how she feels about Bio-father, her feelings toward her adopted Dad will never change.

Answer 5

what a situation!

I would sit both of them down and have a discussion. your husband needs to understand that she's proud of her heritage and this is something that "clears the air" when someone makes a false presumption about her. And the daughter needs to understand that what she says sometimes hurts Daddy.

Good luck!